Parents take care of their children out of love, which is necessary for their healthy growth. However, management should be measured, principles should be managed, norms should be managed, rules should be established, and children should have room for their own management, and children should not be controlled to death; Let children manage their own affairs in daily life and cultivate their self-management ability.
situation
The "trick" of a mother's adopted son is to "manage" in "no matter". From the beginning of kindergarten, children are trained to remember their own things, and parents are asked to remind them that parents never do what children can do.
Once a child learned to draw in the Children's Palace and forgot to bring paper. After seeing it, she just reminded the child: "Check again, is there anything you forgot to bring?" The child casually replied "no", picked up the photo album and left. When I arrived at the classroom, I found that I didn't bring any paper, so I had to go home and get it myself. In her view, children's mistakes must be corrected by themselves, and parents will correct them for them and never "correct". This incident left a deep impression on the children, and nothing similar happened in the future.
A lot of things are like this. Parents are considerate of their children, and children will not be considerate, but enjoy them in their parents' "thoughtfulness"; If parents "ignore" specific things, they can mobilize their children's thinking and limbs to take care of themselves. Let children manage like this, and they can gradually manage themselves. In this sense, it is best to take care of every detail of children. Of course, no matter what the principle is, no matter what we should do, we will never let ourselves go. Grasping this degree is conducive to the growth of children.
In reality, we can see that the more parents take care of their children, the more problems they have.
In life, some parents have become children's "life-long nannies", so that children have no chance to do it themselves and lose their basic living ability; In learning, some parents are willing to be their children's "crutches", accompany their children to study, help their children with their homework, and ask for tutors at the expense of work. In the painstaking efforts and selfless efforts of parents, children have become dependent on learning since childhood. Once they are separated from their parents' support, all their efforts will be wasted.
In dealing with children's affairs, many parents regard themselves as elders and are autocratic in their words and deeds. They always think that children don't know anything, and they are used to imposing their ideas on them, expecting them to always act according to their parents' wishes. In this way, the self-esteem and self-motivation of children who already have independent consciousness are hurt, which can easily aggravate their rebellious psychology and even deviate from their families and go astray.
Such "management" is often that adults are tired and children are bored, which is not worth the loss.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying in China that "Kung Fu is beyond poetry" and "Doing nothing without doing anything". In traditional culture, Laozi's philosophy of "governing by doing nothing" has far-reaching influence and has been applied to many fields of people's lives. As a life attitude, a management method and an education strategy, the thought of "inaction" has profound implications for family education:
Inaction-the highest state of family education
Family education is the interaction between parents and children in family daily life, and there are a lot of educational factors in parents' words and behaviors in front of their children. The "inaction" of family education is not inaction, but emphasizes the influence of parents' personality charm on children, so as to achieve the goal of "teaching without distinction". This is the highest realm of family education, and it also puts forward higher requirements for parents' own quality. However, excessive "behavior", too many traces of education, too many demands on children according to their own wishes, or educating children in the way of teachers teaching students are not in line with the characteristics and laws of family education, and they also lose their advantages. As a result, they often get twice the result with half the effort, or even in vain.
"inaction" has "Tao"-guiding the situation naturally. One of the essentials of "inaction" is "Tao". The so-called "Tao" reveals the law, and it is "obeying nature", that is, doing things according to objective laws. The objective law that family education should follow is the law of children's growth, not the subjective will of parents.
In the process of education, we should be child-oriented and parent-oriented. The leading role of parents is not blind intervention or substitution, but guidance and guidance. Some parents are keen on excessive "early education", and their children are tired of learning before they go to school; Some parents pay too much attention to their children's learning, making them physically and mentally exhausted and aging before they get old; Some parents, regardless of their children's own learning ability and level, spend a lot of money to choose schools instead of letting their children be "phoenix tails". It leads to children's inferiority complex and lack of motivation to learn ... These practices that violate the natural laws of children's growth naturally become obstacles on their way forward. Only by "letting nature take its course", respecting the characteristics of children's development and their right to participate, and giving full play to the positive role of children as the main body, can we achieve positive educational results.
The "inaction" in family education is actually a high educational realm, which is the embodiment of family education characteristics and parents' educational wisdom. It is to inspire children's self-education, stand at a height conducive to children's sustainable development, pay attention to cultivating children's self-discipline and good habits, and embody the essence of education.