Once, my best friend sent her children to school, and as a result, she was going to be late soon, and her son was still whining slowly. At this time, my best friend was completely angry and kept telling her children: "The class is coming soon, why don't you hurry up?" I have reminded you many times just now, but you just won't listen and are still here. "
Before the girlfriend finished, the child began to yell at the girlfriend: "Are you finished?" Can you stop nagging? " Then slam the door and leave.
My girlfriend didn't expect her young son to learn to contradict herself, and she also found that the more she nagged her child, the more disobedient she became, and even the rebellious mentality became more and more serious.
Many parents in life will be like my best friends. They found that the more they preach, the more disgusted the children are. A psychologist once conducted an experiment on elementary school children, but when asked about their parents' behavior, 80% of them wrote that they hated their parents' nagging.
In fact, the main reason why children have this idea or contradict their parents' behavior may be the over-limit effect of parents' touch on their children.
What is the overrun effect? Overlimit effect usually refers to the instinctive escape response when people are stimulated too much. In fact, this is a kind of self-protection consciousness of people. But when things are stimulated too much or for too long, people will become extremely impatient and finally have a psychological phenomenon of resistance.
When it is used by parents to educate their children, too much exhortation and preaching makes them more and more disgusted, so they don't listen at all, or listen too much, just like their ears are calloused and their bodies feel numb, so there is an over-limit effect.
Of course, the overrun effect refers to our popular saying that people's endurance is limited, and exceeding this limit will be counterproductive.
Disadvantages caused by overrun effect 1,? Affect parent-child relationship
The first drawback of the over-limit effect is that it affects the feelings and relationships between children and their parents, just like the children in the girlfriends family mentioned above, facing the mother's nagging, nagging, accusing and reprimanding. The child's aversion is getting stronger and stronger. Even if he doesn't listen at all, he will feel that his mother is completely unnecessary. Finally, children and mothers are increasingly alienated.
2、? Make children more rebellious
Many parents report that their children are very rebellious. The more they don't let him do things, the more they do them. If you let him go east, he will go west. In fact, this may be a more rebellious effect brought by the over-limit effect on children, that is, children we are familiar with will be forced to do things that go against their parents.
3、? It has no effect at all.
Parents should not think that their children's repeated nagging will have good results and they will be very obedient. In fact, it is just the opposite.
This over-limit effect is often that the left ear goes in and the right ear goes out, which has no effect at all. What parents need to understand is that your repeated nagging has actually touched the child's endurance limit. How can we make children listen to their parents?
Parents should avoid the over-limit effect and communicate effectively with their children. Give children a little free space appropriately.
Growing children can't be so perfect, and they will definitely make mistakes. But in the face of children's mistakes, parents should not always preach, but should give their children some free space. You can criticize at first, but don't be too extreme when you criticize. If you keep pursuing it, your child will be more rebellious.
2、? To be a good example, it is better to teach by example than by example.
Parents should believe in the power of role models. Children's behaviors and actions basically come from imitating their parents, so it is better to teach by example than by example.
For example, if parents get rid of the bad habit of procrastination and become vigorous, and do what they say, then children will be like parents. Such an educational way of setting an example will benefit children a lot.
3、? Let the children bear the consequences.
When educating their children, many parents often don't pay attention to education at all, and they are in a mess with their children. In fact, this will cause children's boredom.
Therefore, educate them to get down to business, parents can put it down after simple preaching, and let children understand that their mistakes will bear serious consequences.
For example, if a child is urged to go to school, he just won't listen. At this time, parents can sit back and watch their children procrastinate, and let their children know that their behavior is wrong with the consequences of being scolded by the teacher for being late, so as to have real educational effect.