The same wife refers to the wife of the same-sex man in the legal relationship after entering the opposite-sex marriage, and is a large number of vulnerable groups behind the gay group.

Definition:

The same wife refers to the wife of a gay man in a legal relationship after he enters a heterosexual marriage. Although the same wife may voluntarily become a same wife when she knows that her partner is gay, or she may be forced to become a same wife without knowing it, the same wife discussed in the general context refers to those women who are deceived, deceived and forced to become same wives? . Same-wife groups are found all over the world, and the same-wife groups in China are typical, which are mainly caused by social and cultural roots such as China's traditional concept of marriage and illegal same-sex marriage? . There are also many gay men entering straight marriages abroad (referring to gay and heterosexual marriages).

Reasons for formation:

The reasons can be seen from three perspectives, namely, the individual perspective of gay men, the social perspective of gay men and the perspective of heterosexual women. The individual perspective of gay men has three aspects, namely, self-identity dilemma, disguised sexual orientation and emotional needs; There are five social perspectives of gay men, namely, the concept of marriage and love, fertility anxiety, one-child policy, illegal same-sex marriage and lack of social security; There are two perspectives of heterosexual women: the lack of sex education and the culture of flash marriage. The above ten reasons are the main reasons for the formation of the same wife group.

In 2005, some scholars estimated that there were at least160,000 and 20 12 concubines in China. Some scholars believe that a conservative estimate is that 10 million concubines often encounter psychological trauma, domestic violence, the threat of sexually transmitted infections and the dilemma of safeguarding rights caused by legal gaps. There are various types of marriage relationships in Chinese laws, regulations and policy documents.

Dilemma:

Marriage and family dilemma

The married life of the same wife is loveless and sexless. Some scholars have found that 43% of the same wives have never kissed their sexual partners, three-quarters of them have experienced sexual apathy, and one-third of them say that they have little sex every year. Because gay husbands have no interest in same-sex marriage and family, they always face the lack of wife rights in marriage and family, and the relationship between the same wife and husband is like "roommates", which is rare. Sometimes, the same wife even becomes a fertility machine, and the husband only needs it when he carries on the family line. When encountering family conflicts, the same wife often fights alone, and few allies, whether husbands or in-laws, mostly stand in the camp of gay husbands when encountering disputes? .

Physical health dilemma

Sharing is one of the high-risk and susceptible groups of AIDS in China. According to the statistics of China Center for Disease Control and Prevention, homosexual sexual contact has become one of the important ways of HIV transmission, and most gay men will enter heterosexual marriage. Therefore, sharing groups are facing a greater threat of AIDS, and they are potential victims. 20 16 the seminar on AIDS susceptibility, quality of life and protection of rights and interests of Chinese wives held by the wife research group of central south university adopted the consensus and suggestions on protection of health and rights and interests of Chinese wives. This document points out that gay men often lack safety measures when having sex with their spouses, so there are many legal proceedings against their wives infected with HIV? .

The same wife is also vulnerable to physical violence in life. This is because gay men and their heterosexual wives lack communication for a long time and live asexual lives for a long time, so they are more likely to have complaints and suspicions, which will lead to violent conflicts?

Mental health dilemma

Most wives face serious mental health problems, such as severe depressive symptoms, suicidal thoughts and even suicidal behaviors?

The same wife is often marginalized in the workplace. The special identity of the same wife may lead to constant self-doubt, which will affect the work and often lead to emotional problems and psychological crisis. In addition, due to various reasons, it is difficult for the same wife to talk about her husband, children and even sexual life with friends, and it is easy to have fear and resistance to social interaction, which in turn leads to psychological problems. As heterosexual women, wives often have sexual and physiological needs. However, their sexual needs are difficult to be satisfied from their gay husbands, so their wives either suppress themselves for a long time or cheat to find an extramarital affair, which has a negative impact on their emotions and causes psychological pressure. After entering the straight marriage, the same wife's attitude towards men, life and even society has undergone obvious negative changes, and it is easy to face the dilemma of mental sub-health. Gay husbands lack "sexual desire" for same-sex wives, so cold violence is very common in their marriage life. Because the same wives are marginalized, they would rather suffer cold violence silently than open their hearts to someone to talk about and solve the problem. This makes them under tension, fear and high pressure for a long time, which may lead to serious psychological problems. Some wives will eventually face up to their wives' identity and end this abnormal relationship with divorce. However, divorce is not the end of the pain of the same wife. Life after divorce may cause new discomfort to the same wife, such as giving up on children and feelings. The pain suffered by the same wife before will not come to an abrupt end, but will have a long-term negative impact on her life.

Legal dilemma

In a marriage with a gay man in name only, the same wife is vulnerable to both physical and psychological violence, and faces a higher risk of sexually transmitted infections? . However, so far, there are no provisions concerning homosexuality or same wife in our laws, so it is difficult for same wives to rely on the law to safeguard their rights and interests.

The legal dilemma faced by the same wife can be divided into five aspects:

1. The system of divorce by agreement is of little practical significance to the same wife.

According to the Civil Code of People's Republic of China (PRC) (2020), divorce by agreement should follow the principle of voluntariness. However, on the one hand, since a gay husband forces his same wife to choose to enter the same wife's marriage, it is difficult to take the initiative to accept the divorce, and the husband's parents often try their best to obstruct the same wife's divorce; On the other hand, due to the realistic consideration of the economic pressure after marriage, the same wife often wavers on whether to choose divorce, and there is certain psychological pressure.

2. There are institutional obstacles in judging divorce.

Litigation divorce is often the way for the same wife to choose to end the marriage, but the current law in China does not accept "homosexual tendency" as the reason for suing for divorce. After mediation fails, the court can only make a divorce judgment if it is confirmed that the relationship between husband and wife is really broken. In addition to the last item "other circumstances leading to the breakdown of marriage" as the bottom clause for judges to judge according to specific cases in the trial, it is difficult to apply the situation of "true emotional breakdown" of husband and wife stipulated by law to the same wife group.

There is no legal basis for suing invalid marriage or revocable marriage.

China's current civil code recognizes that invalid marriage relationship includes four provisions, such as bigamy and diseases unsuitable for marriage, but none of them are applicable to dissolution of marriage relationship with the same wife?

4. The basis of the claim does not exist.

This means that the Civil Code limits divorce damages to five situations, namely bigamy, cohabitation, domestic violence, maltreatment and abandonment of family members and other major faults. Although the same wife may encounter "domestic violence", "abuse, abandonment", these situations are not aimed at protecting the rights and interests of the same wife; Moreover, judging from the previous divorce judgments, the situation of "other major faults" may not be applicable to the same wife group. Therefore, generally speaking, the situation faced by the same wife is not within these five situations, so it is impossible to claim damages according to the above provisions. However, if the same wife has entered into a "marriage loyalty agreement", she can get financial compensation according to the agreement. Although in some cases, judges often recognize the validity of "loyalty agreement", this "loyalty agreement" has not risen to the level of legal norms, and there are many uncertainties in the judgment? .

5. It is difficult to obtain evidence in divorce proceedings.

This is manifested in the fact that some same-wife divorce cases will be dismissed on the grounds of "insufficient evidence". This is because homosexual relationships are often hidden. Under the rule of "who advocates who gives evidence", the same wife can't produce enough effective evidence to prove that her husband is "cheating"?

Solution:

Social macro level

At the macro level of society, we should enhance our understanding and acceptance of homosexuality. In the final analysis, the same wife is a derivative group of homosexuality, that is to say, to solve the same wife problem requires gay groups to refuse to enter same-sex marriage, which requires the society to respect the sexual orientation of gay groups and protect their autonomy in marriage and love. The existence of the same wife group is caused by gay men who enter the same wife marriage, but gay men also have their own difficulties and misfortunes. The root of the misfortune of both sides ultimately comes down to traditional social moral and cultural concepts and heterosexual hegemonism?

Parent-family level

Parents and families need to accept and support gay children. Many homosexuals enter same-sex marriage because they are forced by their parents. Therefore, parents should cherish their children's trust in themselves and try their best to accept and support their children emotionally when they learn that their children are gay. As parents of gay children, it is not wrong to know that their children are gay and encourage them to accept themselves frankly and their sexual orientation, right? .

Social assistance level

At the social level, it is necessary to develop social forces to help the same wife tide over the difficulties. For example, the establishment of an entity to safeguard the rights and interests of the same wife to provide support for the same wife who seeks help; Call on the society and women's federations to pay more attention to the same wife and establish an institution or platform for communication with the same wife; Wives should also unite and act together, establish a mentality of bravely facing unfortunate marriages and take the initiative to seek help from the outside world.

Legal level

The state should improve the legal system of marriage and protect the legitimate rights and interests of the same wife. In terms of specific legal provisions, "sexual orientation conflict" can be included in the applicable situation that the relationship between husband and wife has indeed broken down; The situation of "same wife" can be included in the type of revocable marriage; Redefine the extension of "spouse cohabiting with others" and bring "same-sex cohabiting" into the category of "cohabiting"; It is necessary to improve the burden of proof system. In view of the fact that the same wife is a vulnerable group and it is difficult to give evidence, we can adopt the principle of "inversion of the burden of proof" and let gay husbands bear the burden of proof? .

Related knowledge:

Homosexuality

1990, the 43rd World Health Assembly approved the 10th revision of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD- 10) [9]? Homosexuality is no longer classified as a mental illness. From 2065438 to June 2008, the World Health Organization issued the International Classification of Diseases 1 1, and deleted all diagnostic codes related to sexual orientation.

On February 20 18, the National Health and Wellness Commission of People's Republic of China (PRC) issued a notice, demanding that "from March 20 19, all kinds of medical institutions at all levels will fully use the Chinese version of ICD- 1 1 for disease classification and coding." In other words, the view that homosexuality is not a mental illness has been recognized by the official health department of our country.

Some gay men may "cheat marriage" on heterosexual women for various reasons (for example, to alleviate the pressure of family members to urge marriage), which is immoral to some extent and has caused great harm to the same wife group, but gay men themselves should not be discriminated and condemned by the outside world just because of their sexual orientation.

international commitments

At the 38th session of the United Nations Human Rights Council held in June 20 18, Ambassador Jiang Duangong, head of the international group of the Permanent Mission of China to the United Nations Office and other Swiss international organizations, said: "China opposes all forms of discrimination and violence, including discrimination, violence and intolerance based on sexual orientation." ?

The delegation of China will reiterate this statement in the future. At the forty-fourth session of the United Nations Human Rights Council in 2020, in an interactive dialogue with the independent expert on the prevention of violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, the delegation of China stated: "China opposes all forms of discrimination and violence, including discrimination, violence and intolerance based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Same wife organization:

Some of the same wives took action by opening websites and hotlines to help their sisters in the same situation:

1, try to prevent women from marrying gay men, help those women who have doubts about their boyfriends' sexual orientation to analyze and identify them, and discourage them from getting married if they can be sure that the other person is gay.

2. Provide help to those women who have fallen into marriage with homosexuals and want to divorce, help them make suggestions, reduce their pressure and reduce the material and psychological damage caused by divorce.

3. For those women who are caught in a gay marriage and don't want to divorce for various reasons, help them analyze the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining this marriage, the way of communication with their husbands, the way of getting along with their children, and so on.

Their slogan: the same wife will stop with me.

The same wife voice

"What is hard to say is not only your dissatisfaction with sex and love, but also your shame to meet people."

"There are asexuality, ruthlessness, indifference, hostility and even violence in life, as well as ignorance, helplessness, helplessness, tolerance and deception. These are very low-level and marginal." "If a husband brings his boyfriend home as a brother and an emperor, he is often kept in the dark and will be very hospitable; If the husband secretly goes out to play and stays at night, he can only stay in the boudoir and stay at night.

Can't sleep. ""Because of coercion, more than one person left home clean and got no property after divorce. However, some people managed to escape from suffocating violent families and were able to breathe freely. ""If you know that your husband is gay, the last thing you should do is to look forward to the day when your husband can forget and change. This is almost impossible. " "Don't call them liars, in fact, they are also very bitter. However, one thing remains the same. We hope that' comrades' will not enter heterosexual marriage. "

Related activities:

On March 27-28, 2009, the first Chinese wives' conference was held in Qingdao, Shandong. The conference was organized by Pink Space Cultural Center, and attended by the wives and ex-wives of gay men from Shandong, Liaoning, Nanjing, Shaanxi, Jiangsu, Henan and other places. Professor Zhang Beichuan from the Affiliated Hospital of Qingyi Medical University attended the meeting and delivered a speech. Participants included nine wives (gay wives or ex-wives), a married gay man, an HIV-infected person and two pink space workers. Among the wives who came to the meeting, four divorced and five remained married. The youngest participant is 26 years old and the oldest is 54 years old. 20111On the eve of the 24th World AIDS Day, gay relatives and friends in Guangzhou will hold a "talk to our wives" activity to push this long-silent group out of the water and send out their voice: "If you are gay, please don't walk into the opposite sex. If it is a' same wife', face him and come out. "