1. The child is 0-6 years old and has various sensitive periods. It is against the child's nature to reprimand the child's performance in the sensitive period, causing him pain and leaving psychological hidden dangers.

Children aged 0-6 have various sensitive periods. The so-called sensitive period refers to the period when children repeatedly operate an action or learn a certain ability within a certain period of time, driven by their inner vitality, and their learning ability is particularly strong. There are sensitive periods of attachment formation, oral sensitivity, hand and foot sensitivity, language sensitivity, subtle things sensitivity, skin touch sensitivity, stubbornness and perfection sensitivity, order sensitivity, mathematics sensitivity, painting sensitivity and so on.

It lasts a little more than a year after birth, which is a sensitive period of oral cavity. No matter how adults stop it, children always put their hands in their mouths and eat with relish. Adults should never stop children because they think they are unclean, otherwise they will leave psychological hidden dangers. What adults need to do is to ensure that things at the door are clean, and it is best to provide different things for children to explore with their mouths! Children at this stage explore the world with their mouths. If they get through it, they will never chew anything except food with their mouths again. Some children still can't get rid of the habit of sucking their fingers or other things after entering kindergarten and primary school, and even extend to other bad behaviors, such as eating snacks, spitting and swearing! To some extent, it is related to the poor oral sensitivity period.

Overlapping with the later oral sensitive period is the hand sensitive period. I like throwing things with my hands, digging holes with my fingers, and even hitting people during the sensitive period of my hands (in fact, from a child's point of view, I'm just practicing my arm muscles). Overlapping with the late sensitive period of the hand is the sensitive period of the leg, and sometimes two or three sensitive periods often cross at the same time.

Children over two years old often say "this is mine" and "that is mine" when they enter the sensitive period of property rights consciousness, and refuse to share anything with others, even their mothers can't get their own things. Dear mom and dad, don't think children are selfish. You must find a way to solve this problem. In fact, this is an exercise in the ownership of property rights. By confirming the ownership of goods, we can recognize his relationship with goods. Foreign education experts often say that the philosophy of two-year-olds is "mine, mine, everything is mine". We should also understand the children's behavior at this stage, rather than arbitrarily labeling.

The way to get through the sensitive period of real right consciousness smoothly is not to be serious with the child when his performance is particularly obvious. This time will take about three or four months (depending on the child's situation). Then find an appropriate opportunity, that is, when other children share toys with their own children, remind him: "Are you happy that children share toys with you?" Wait for him to nod and tell him, "You give toys to others to play with, and they are also very happy.". You can stop here, don't force the child at once. After repeating this several times, let him try to give the toys to other children. Through practice, he knows that toys belong to him. After sharing it with others, he will still get it back, and everyone will be happy to share it with others, so that he will gradually be willing to share it. Most children enter the sharing stage around the age of three.

Note 1: For children who are in a period of strong awareness of property rights, adults should never tease them, snatch things from their children, make them cry, and then humiliate them "You are so stingy!" This is absolutely unacceptable behavior!

Note 2: Give us something to eat when the children can share. We must accept it. Don't say "I'm kidding, I don't eat, you eat". This is a refusal to share with children, which will bring disappointment to children. Children will associate sharing with disappointment and will not enjoy the happiness of sharing, so they will gradually be reluctant to share.

Children aged three or four enter a sensitive period of order, perfection and obstinacy. Adults break off a piece of cake for children. Children will cry and refuse to accept it. Adults should never think that children are selfish. It is the perfect sensitive period that we destroy the children's sense of circle.

Other sensitive periods have their own performances. For example, when you are five or six years old, there is a sensitive period of worship, a sensitive period of marriage, and so on. Only by letting the children pass smoothly and naturally can you maintain a healthy attitude. For these contents, parents can refer to Sun Ruixue's "Catch the Sensitive Period of Children", which has a detailed discussion and parents must read it.

Second, mistaking knowledge instillation as early education always causes children's resistance with "teaching".

It is often said that the most important period is before the age of three. This period is not to let children learn much knowledge, but the most important period of psychological growth. Psychological growth is an important part of early education, and healthy psychology is the source of lifelong happiness. In this period, children were spoiled, children were the center, children were allowed to eat alone, everything was arranged for him, he was not respected, his material needs were easily met in advance, and his inner feelings were ignored. This way of attaching importance to material satisfaction and neglecting spiritual nourishment can only cultivate an unhealthy and dependent child.

Don't teach children, just demonstrate. Many people may think that I am talking nonsense about not teaching children. I didn't understand this statement at the beginning of my contact. Two years' experience has made me realize through a lot of observation and practice that children are really not "taught". For example, when a guest greets a baby, the child doesn't respond. Adults are usually very polite and face-saving, and will urge them to say, "Why don't you call your aunt? Why don't you answer it?" You should call aunt, you are such a child "and so on. Doing so is teaching, and teaching will put pressure on children. If you blame while teaching, it will torture your child even more. We just need to imitate the tone of the child and respond: "Hello, Aunt!" Or "Auntie, goodbye!" "Thank you, Grandma, I have eaten." Wait a minute. This is a demonstration, not a teaching.

Children with flexible fingers can start practicing wearing shoes in about 18 months. If the child wears the shoes backwards, most parents will say, "Wrong, wrong left and right." Right or left? As far as the baby's ability is concerned, there is no right or wrong. Telling him that he is wrong will put pressure on him, and the way we talk will make her nervous: What's the matter, why is mom so angry? Just tell the child calmly: "Change the two shoes." This is the right way to tell him, and that's enough. Don't "teach: this is the left and that is the right" (the child's brain is very simple, just accept the correct instructions, it is too complicated for him to accept. According to my experience, after a month or two of prompting, children will wear shoes, which can't be wrong.

When operating toys, as long as you demonstrate "baby, watch mom do it", mom will slow down and show it. After that, give the child time and opportunity to adjust and operate repeatedly, don't disturb him, and don't endlessly remind him that "wrong is wrong, not like this" when he makes a little mistake. In this way, children lose the opportunity to internalize external information. If you teach everything, once no one teaches you, you will lose your direction. Often children's autonomous learning ability is lost in our teaching. This is how we destroy the child's concentration! What we should do is to wait patiently for him to adjust himself and never criticize him. With enough love and respect, children even have the ability to educate themselves.

Third, never use a walker! Be sure to let the children crawl!

A walker is harmful to the baby's health. Learning to walk needs to overcome huge psychological obstacles and master the skills of keeping balance. The walker doesn't need to be so "troublesome", it can easily slip away with a touch, making it difficult for children to overcome psychological obstacles and adapt to the hard process of learning to walk. This is why children who use walkers learn to walk more slowly.

Another situation is that the foot muscles of children who use walkers are shaped into toes, and it often takes parents a long time to let their babies learn to land on the whole foot. Using a walker, the chances of children crawling are greatly reduced. Many old people are often very proud. "My grandson don't have to climb, go directly. How interesting! " They don't know that human beings must crawl and develop to be healthy. Children who can't climb have poor physical coordination, which affects their life and sports. Dysplasia of vestibular nerve will affect reading and writing in the future, and will also hinder the development of language.

Fourth, correctly handling children's crying emotions is the beginning of building a good character.

Joy, anger, sadness, joy and fear are all normal emotional expressions given to human beings by God. We adults always like happy things and are often troubled by crying.

It is a big mistake for us to feel the child's crying patiently instead of saying "don't cry, don't cry" to the child. Crying is the release of his inner conflicts, not a bad thing. Adults just need to gently hug him and touch his back. The first sentence says, "Oh, honey, mom knows ... (what just happened) and you are very sad. Mom understands you. " "Oh, honey, mom knows you're hurt. Are you still a little scared?" This is empathy, which means we are.

The second sentence must say "Mom knows you are unhappy (which is very important)", so that he will be happy soon. The third sentence is "Mom loves you and understands you". Finally, it is best to take three deep breaths to let the child exhale unpleasant emotions. If you learn this, your child may run to find a little friend with tears on his face. I have tried this method again and again, and it is very effective. People often laugh at me. After all, I do early education. It's good for the child to let you coax. In fact, this method is not coaxing, but empathy. )

When raising a little boy, we often say, "Son, why are you crying!" " ""what a pity, the child is still crying! "When a boy releases his childhood sadness, he is often stopped by adults. Growing up slowly, I don't know how to release my sadness and how to express my love. Therefore, it is hard for a husband to say that he loves you. I believe many wives feel the same way. In other words, such a boy will definitely not be able to communicate well with his wife when he enters marriage as an adult, which will affect the quality of marriage. Please think about it, mom and dad. If your son may be unhappy in his future marriage, will you stop the little boy from crying? Please accept his sadness unconditionally! There's no shame in boys crying!

Once a few months old baby cries, we often rush over with "coming" in our mouth. This is not good, children will develop the psychology of controlling adults. You should say in a relaxed and gentle tone, "Are you hungry? Mom is coming "; Once the child struggles to cry and refuses anything, he should use the voice of compromise "Oh, oh, oh, no, no". In fact, he should say in a gentle tone, "Well, not now. We'll do it later." Don't let children feel that they can control adults by crying and do whatever they want.

Many times, the implementation of educational methods should be good at observing and summarizing, rather than generalizing.

5. Why do two-to three-year-old children love to hit people more and more, because aggression is the only process for most children to grow up.

Most children aged two to three often hit people. Adults must never say "Don't hit people". "Why did you hit people again?" It's useless. This makes children think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and more and more beating actions appear repeatedly.

Many times, because the child is in the sensitive period of his mouth, hands and feet, he is keen to explore the world and know things with his mouth, hands and feet. The scope of exploration will certainly include other people's bodies, so there are attacks such as "biting", "hitting" and "kicking".

Another reason is that he has not mastered the method of interpersonal communication. When his words can't express his thoughts correctly, he often hastily replaces them with impactful body movements. He may just mean "get out of my way" and "don't touch my things", but he pushed or grabbed it before he could say it.

Some children are seriously insecure and vent their bad feelings by attacking others, or want to attract their parents' attention. What adults need to do is not to label him as "you are a bad boy and can hit people". As long as it is not strengthened, when he hits people, he apologizes to the parents and children of the other party, hugs his children in time, and prevents him from continuing to attack and leaving quietly. At the same time, adjust the time with your child in time to give him full comfort. Children at this stage are reasonable 100% is useless.

At the same time, the parents of the children affected must be calm. Don't think your children are bullied. Many children communicate through physical collision. Understand that the other child didn't mean it, or there is something wrong with morality. If you think that your child is bullied, it will make the child develop a bullied character and will be bullied all his life. When I go home, don't tell my family that my child was beaten, so that my child will feel that I am easily beaten. He will feel that he has something that others don't like, which will form a timid character. The correct way is to accept the apology of the other parent and say to the child, "You are a good boy, I know you just want to play with our baby (you can change the word according to the situation), so you two shake hands."

After the age of three, the child is sensible. If he still beats others, he should deeply explore the reasons for his beating (whether there is domestic violence, etc.). ), eliminate the root cause, and tell him "no" every time he attacks others. Note that I used "no", not "don't call". Don't add negative information. As long as the child has negative behavior, the first principle is to dilute and then dilute! Don't strengthen!

Children naturally like to try and repeat behaviors that can produce interesting and exciting results and attract adults' attention. The correct way is to make the consequences meaningless, and he naturally gives up.

6. Why do we treat children as circus performers? Don't do things to children that adults don't want to do.

Many families greet their children when they have guests at home: come, sing a song and dance. This is extremely disrespectful to children. Don't let children perform programs in front of guests, which will make children focus on pleasing others when they grow up. Once others don't recognize him as an adult, it will be a great blow to him and he can't play his innate ability.

"What's your name?" If you give your child a chance to choose the most annoying question, it will definitely rank first. Please think about it. If an "alien" who is two or three times your height and several times your weight always looks down at you and asks you in a rude tone, are you willing to answer? You have given that rude "alien" a dirty look, haven't you? So when a child doesn't like to answer this question, how can we blame him for being rude?

We should: squat down, keep our eyes parallel to the children's eyes, introduce ourselves and ask the children's names: "I'm Miss Lin (aunt). Nice to meet you. Can you tell me your name? " And remember not to touch the children at will when you meet for the first time. This is what an adult should have! If someone does this to your child, don't even help others ridicule your child: "Yes, he just doesn't like to talk!" " ""Why are you so rude? Answer uncle quickly. " "He is so timid" and so on. If a child is often put in such an unpleasant situation by his parents, it is difficult to make him outgoing and lively. Therefore, parents often report that my child is a bully at home and a bunny outside. If a child is given enough respect, his performance is the same inside and outside.

Mom and Dad, do you want others to laugh at you? Don't want to, right? So don't burst into laughter when our children say childish words that make people laugh. For example, a child said, "My father takes a shower without clothes!" " "After laughing, the family deliberately asked the child," Did you take a shower with your clothes on? "Isn't this obviously confusing the child's mind? Many families often play such jokes on their children. Don't tease children casually. When others tease my children, I often refuse rudely: Sorry, my children don't like to make such jokes. Between children and face, we should choose children.

Seven, we often unconsciously pass a lot of negative and negative information to our children!

Don't tell others about your child's "evil deeds" in front of him. For example, many mothers often say "he is so timid!" in front of guests. "He just doesn't like it!" In this way, you are implying to your child that you expect him to be such a person. He will achieve the result in the direction you expect: he must be more and more timid and less and less fond of eating. The suggestibility of language is enormous. If you pretend to tell others secretly, but let the children hear: "Do you know that our baby is particularly brave in playing on the swing today!" "You know, my baby ate a full bowl of rice by himself today." This will send a message in the child's heart: "Ah? Mom said I was brave? Is it? Well, I will be braver tomorrow! " "Ah, mom is so happy, ok, I'll eat another big bowl tomorrow." This is a positive suggestion, which can directly reach the child's subconscious and has a great influence.

Don't threaten your child. "If you make trouble again, mom won't want you." This is the greatest threat and the deepest fear. Because the young child left home, he couldn't survive. The mother's cold violence against the child's language is the beginning of the child's bad personality. The correct statement is: "Please be quiet, mom loves you!" " "Don't say anything that makes the child feel that all external things will hurt him.

Special emphasis: resolutely put an end to saying the following words: "Don't make any noise, or the police will come again." "If you make trouble again, the doctor will give you an injection." "Go to sleep, the wolf is coming." If you don't threaten your child like this, he will be natural and graceful, lively and cheerful, healthy and confident when he goes out.

Note: Don't play a malicious joke with your child that "your mother doesn't want you, she won't come to pick you up". You must keep away from people who say such things to children. This kind of joke is very bad, which is extremely unfavorable to the construction of children's sense of security.

Eight, a talkative child must be the result of improper language education of parents.

Don't say milk, such as "feet", "shoes" and "rice", and even make up something that others don't understand. From birth, everything you say to your child should be your mother tongue, with correct grammar and standard pronunciation. When talking to the baby, the main caregivers should use exaggerated mouth shape, clear voice and slow speech speed, such as "Bao-Bao-Sleep-Wake". Don't talk like milk, or you will still have a lisp when you are four or five years old. Children can learn standard pronunciation at once. Why do they have to relearn milk vocabulary? Waste of time, energy and neural information storage area.

Many children can't tell you from me when they are over two years old, which is also the result of adults' carelessness. In order to let children master the first, second and third personal pronouns as soon as possible, mothers should adopt personal pronouns when communicating with their babies after one year old, so that children can imitate them. I should say more "I'll give you water to drink" and less "Mom gives the baby water to drink." Children say, "baby's", and adults should say, "Yes, it's yours." When a child makes a mistake, don't burst into laughter, so the child will be dumbfounded and lose the opportunity to learn.

Nine, don't say "obedient" to the child, let the child obey the rules happily, internalize the rules into his heart, and become a belief that he must abide by all his life.

In China's family education and social order, various codes of conduct can be seen everywhere, but few people abide by them. Why? Are China people born unruly? Is it because we don't behave in the process of education? Definitely not. With going abroad and going to the world in recent years, we see that there is such a big distance between us and world civilization. As long as there is no supervision, we will foul and take our chances. "No one should see it?" Why on earth is this?

In western developed countries, most people believe in God. I can't do anything that hurts my conscience. God will see it. This has been deeply rooted in people's hearts. Therefore, there is no ticket inspector at the entrance of the German subway station, and many foreign supermarkets weigh their own prices. Unconditional return is an international practice. And we grew up under the supervision of others. When I was a child, I listened to my parents at home and was always reminded not to do this and that. At school, we listen to the teacher and obey this and that. Children never have the opportunity to judge for themselves, and should obey the rules spontaneously in the process of self-growth. Influence rules are the bottom line for children to test us. In fact, they are the beginning of obeying the rules. We should be tolerant and remind him "What have you forgotten?" Instead of criticizing him and putting pressure on him. ("How did you forget" can't be said. The word "how" will put pressure on children and has the meaning of blame. )

At the same time, we should fully respect children's spontaneous exploration behavior. When the child's spontaneous exploration behavior is respected by us, he will begin to abide by the rules we set for him, that is, he will learn to obey others intelligently. At this time, the dawn of discipline will appear and the rules will be internalized. This internalized rule will accompany the child all his life, and it is very pleasant and easy to abide by it.

How to deal with the problem of children grabbing toys in the process of communication.

From the beginning, the baby should establish a principle that whoever has toys has the right to decide. Adults can't give their children's toys to other babies by force, nor can they persuade their children to give them to others. If it is a public toy or game equipment, whoever gets it first or starts playing first has the right to decide whether to continue playing or leave, and other babies must wait. Usually, children cry when they don't get the toys they want. Adults can say in a calm tone, "We must learn to wait!" " "You can also divert the child's attention and attract him to leave temporarily with other toys. When a child doesn't want to share, adults should never call him "you are so stingy", "stingy bag" and so on. Keep labeling your child like this, and he will never learn to share. Children can't talk about sharing until they know that they have autonomy over their own belongings. If adults force their children's toys to other children out of face, it means that you tell children that they can also steal other people's toys, so the rules must be unified anyway. Under normal circumstances, after the age of three, the child knows whether the toy is shared with others or can be taken back, so he is willing to share it. Don't rush to cultivate children's selfless quality before the age of three.