The method of educating children between husband and wife, learn to get along with newborn babies.
Two people's lives have become three people's lives. Apart from the crowded space, what is this? Little buddy? I can't walk or talk by myself. What should I do? Disposal? How is he? Facing the newborn baby, it is really not easy for novice parents to adjust their lives to be still harmonious and happy.
The first practical problem: taking care of the newborn is actually a very tiring job. It takes a lot of brain and time to have someone to accompany the baby at all times. A long day often makes mom and dad breathless and grumpy. It is easy for couples to start meaningless quarrels because of a small matter.
I thought it would be a handy thing to take care of the newborn baby together, but I didn't know that the arrival of the baby completely disturbed the world of two people. For most families, after the first few months, the new mother not only takes the main responsibility of taking care of the newborn baby, but also has to take care of the housework herself. Who says this is a society that stresses equality between men and women? The facts seem to be incomplete, and it is inevitable that people will complain everywhere.
The birth of a baby forces husband and wife to readjust their daily lives and redistribute housework. It seems easy, but it is not. Taking care of children first increases housework, which usually causes the dissatisfaction of the party who undertakes the increased work, while the other party may find it difficult or unwilling to get rid of the old habits for many years, or unwilling to face the reality of increased housework. However, it is very important for couples to communicate and coordinate again. Only by adjusting work and rest according to each other's time and ability and respecting each other's way of raising children can we avoid unpleasant things. Usually, mothers always think that they are born with maternal love and know how to take good care of their children, so they often have doubts about the ability of the other half to take care of their children. They need supervision and advice to feel at ease. Naturally, a father can't accept his wife's nagging and criticism of his parenting style, and he doesn't trust his ability at all. The result of this is often that one day, the new father may not be able to stand the pressure and get angry: I don't understand why I have to take care of the children. Since I do everything myself, I always feel that I am doing better than me! ?
As a new mother, have you ever had such an experience and reported this attitude? Think about it later. What's the big deal if the diaper bag is crooked?
Looking for different benchmarks again.
With the newborn baby joining the small family, another emerging problem is the marital relationship. The two-person world has become a three-person world, and the relationship between husband and wife has changed from a simple spouse relationship to a parent relationship. The repositioning of roles between husband and wife can not be ignored.
We usually see that after the baby is born, because the wife may need to devote herself to taking care of the baby, she is too busy to spend more energy on the husband and wife. The role status of the husband seems to be lowered by one level, and it is easy for the husband to feel as if he is excluded, and jealousy arises spontaneously.
In fact, the birth of a child is a severe test for couples, and they must rethink and adjust their interaction. There is no specific medicine for this. Both husband and wife need to spend a lot of time in spiritual communication, listen to each other's opinions, try to find their own balance point and seek the focus of life again. Don't forget that the relationship between husband and wife is the foundation of maintaining the family. Especially wives, don't just shut yourself in the world of babies. Occasionally, the young couple should meet outside for some air, go to a restaurant, make an appointment as they did when they first fell in love, and temporarily give the doll to someone they can trust.
Husband and wife are not competitors, but partners.
Finally, a problem that can lead to disputes between husband and wife is the different ways of raising babies. When the baby cries, the mother may naturally put the pacifier in the child's mouth, but some fathers can't stand it and think it is very indecent to eat the pacifier. There are also some fathers who think that newborn babies should sleep alone in their own rooms, but mothers disagree. They think it's safer to put the baby beside them at night, and it's convenient to get up in the middle of the night to nurse? Such a different concept of parenting, which can be actively pursued, is actually related to one's own education.
If you have completely different views on something and can't communicate and discuss it, it will be difficult to avoid an explosive quarrel. Because everyone thinks that the family education he received from childhood is the most correct way to raise children, it is difficult to easily allow questioning of parents' education methods.
Then how to solve the dilemma of the contradiction between husband and wife's parenting problems?
First of all, it should be clear that husband and wife are not competitors but partners, just like a small team. To make a small team develop well, it needs constant communication, coordination and integration?
Therefore, once the dispute between husband and wife has communication space, husband and wife should discuss things face to face, jointly manage the role of parents, and seek the best education method that both sides agree with, so that the parenting problems that accompany children's growth can be solved one by one.
In the face of contradictions, the correct attitude.
Choose a quiet time, such as after the child goes to bed, the two sides sit down and talk calmly.
Choose an appropriate opening sentence:? What exactly did we quarrel about yesterday? I don't think I even know what happened. .
Tell your feelings and invite your partner to do the same: I feel the same way myself. What about you? .
Solve disputes with a sense of humor.
Accept each other's differences and regard it as a complementary relationship between husband and wife and an education for children.
Find a compromise that satisfies everyone. For example:? I can totally understand that you don't approve of sleeping with the baby. However, I will probably have to leave the baby with me while breastfeeding, so see if you can put the baby's crib next to our bed. ?
Faced with contradictions and wrong attitudes.
Open the topic with frustration (? Okay, I'll give in first, okay? ): emphasizing your grievances first is just a way to vent.
Open the topic with a reproachful tone (? You didn't do it, which made me very angry. You said you would): This kind of prologue will only lead to another quarrel.
Put on a competitive posture: (? It's nothing. I don't know how many times I have to do that every day. ): Couples are like a small team. They should provide their own opinions and give full play to their talents, instead of competing with each other.
Put him in an incompetent predicament: (? Then you can bathe your baby for me): The attitude of deliberately making things difficult is definitely not the beginning of easing contradictions and establishing a good relationship of mutual understanding.
What if parents' education is inconsistent? 1. These effects cancel each other out. To educate children effectively, parents must work together to form a joint force. If parents disagree, no one can convince anyone, and the result will inevitably weaken the influence of the other party on the children.
2. Parents' prestige is reduced. The quarrel between parents, especially mutual denial, will not only make children feel disappointed with their parents, but also destroy their image in the eyes of children and reduce their prestige.
The children are at a loss. Children often unconsciously regard their parents as the objects of imitation and incorporate their parents' behavior into their own behavior patterns. Parents' different opinions, different behaviors and even serious differences and fierce conflicts will inevitably make children feel at a loss.
The differences between husband and wife are objective and inevitable. So, how to deal with the disagreement between husband and wife?
1. When children are present, try to avoid confrontation. Don't blame each other easily, even if they don't educate their children well. Accusations can never convince people. Especially in the presence of children, both husband and wife have psychological needs to safeguard their dignity and authority. Simple accusations will not only lead to each other? War? There will be no other gains. Therefore, when there are children present, we must restrain each other. Less positive conflicts will have less negative impact on children's education.
2. Look for suitable opportunities afterwards and express your views in a suggested way. To avoid confrontation, don't give up, but actively look for suitable opportunities and methods. There are always opportunities for husband and wife to exchange ideas and discuss problems. The other party's method of educating children is not appropriate. You should look for suitable opportunities afterwards and express your suggestions or opinions in a calm way. For example, if a wife forces her children to write and do arithmetic, you don't have to point it out on the spot, although you don't agree. You can ask such questions in a discussion tone when your wife is in a happy mood. What is the focus of education at this stage for the healthy growth of children? What is the positive significance of forcing children to write and do arithmetic? What are the negative effects? Through your careful guidance and repeated running-in with each other, the two will inevitably gradually converge on the issue of educating their children.
3. Inspire each other with vivid facts and raise awareness. The fundamental difference between husband and wife in treating their children lies in their different understanding. If you think the other person has a wrong understanding of educating children, it is not enough for you to be reasonable. The reality is often that you have your reasons and he/she has his/her reasons. To increase persuasiveness, there are many vivid examples, which are often more effective than abstract truth. Therefore, you should read more books and periodicals about family education, collect more successful cases of educating children, and pay more attention to other people's successful practices and experiences in this area within your familiar range. When your heart is full of vivid examples of educating your children, you will not only benefit a lot, but also effectively influence your wife/husband.
4. Strive for each other's recognition with a positive attitude and successful educational practice. Successful education needs to establish a correct educational concept, and it also needs to be reflected in concrete words and deeds anytime and anywhere. If you are sure that your educational philosophy is correct, then you should take active actions and tell your wife/husband what you want to do, what goals you want to achieve and what results you want to achieve. As long as you have a serious attitude, clear goals, detailed consideration and full confidence, the other party will not throw cold water on you, at least not resolutely stop you. And once you have achieved good results, the other party will suddenly realize in front of the facts, and their thoughts and understanding will be consistent.