In the morning, I saw a treasure mom's sharing in my circle of friends-

The child got 85 points, worried about being blamed, and wrote "Mom's sorry" on the test paper. The mother also stayed up all night because of her child's poor grades.

Mother was deeply depressed. Thinking about eating, drinking and having fun every day and taking care of children with all my strength, I always think that children are educated. Unexpectedly, an exam pulled her back to the bottom.

Mom is afraid and worried, confused and helpless. Amazing that it is not easy to educate children. Raising children is a combination of hard and soft, and it turns out that it has no effect. As a mother, if she feels unable to educate her children, it is simply the saddest thing in life.

There are many such events in life. After all I've done for you, can you give me something in return where I want it?

This kind of situation, I call it "self-relocation" salary.

What is self-touching? It means starting from the feelings of both sides of the incident and doing something that is personally worth moving. It means that if someone does this to me, I feel very moved. So I can treat you like this.

There is such a news on the internet. Tell a romantic scene of a college boy in front of a girl's dormitory, covered with flowers, and confess to the girl. The girl hesitated for a long time, but never got down from the dormitory.

At this time, the boy was not calm. He shouted, "Who do you think you are? What's the big deal? Give face shameless ... "

It can be seen that the romantic behavior of boys is eager to achieve their goals in a way that feels good about themselves. When the goal is different from your own preset, it will turn into another face.

It can be said that his "automatic" dedication, which he thinks is ok, is just a strong and disrespectful work.

In the whole process, boys ignore the real emotional needs of girls, but use narcissism and self-deception to satisfy and touch themselves. Expectations have not been fulfilled, and people are cursing. In the form of moral kidnapping, I want to control each other and form a hug for each other.

"I paid so much, you are not moved. You are a cold-blooded person. " "I have given so much, and you don't know how to be grateful at all ..." This kind of "self-moving" way of giving is like putting the whole weight of your life on another person. The implication is that you are the one who should take full responsibility for my life!

When a person entrusts his own destiny to others, he completely ignores his rights and obligations as a human being. The other party will also be under great pressure and want to escape.

If you really love, please remember, try to stand in each other's shoes and give them what they need. Because only by admitting that his feelings can be different from yours, and only by accepting that his needs are different from yours, can he sincerely complete an unrequited effort.

Each of us has different ways of expressing love and feeling love, which is based on our different growing backgrounds. Some people build relationships with others by complaining, accusing and attacking. Although they are sincere, the other party may not feel your good intentions. This is what we often say, "trying hard is not flattering."

The surgeon stood in front of the patient with enthusiasm and told him, "I am very willing to help you." Although my skills are not very good, please believe my intentions. " What about you as a patient? Would you choose him to operate on you?

The more you give, the more you gain. You have to know how to pay just right, and you will get something.

Second,

How can parents get rid of the strange circle of "self-moving"?

First of all, try to establish a closer relationship with children. The primary purpose of everyone's survival is to gain a sense of belonging and value. Although children lack practical life experience, they also have the same dignity as adults.

To guide children to cultivate a self-esteem system, parents should first give support from the perspective of respecting others, so that children can understand the significance and importance of dignity. At the same time, parents must educate their children and respect themselves.

Learn to listen to children and give them more opportunities to express their feelings. Try to ask your child more questions.

"What do you think of this matter?" "I want to hear your real thoughts?" How are you going to improve? "Only by truly understanding the needs of children can parents accurately give their children what they need, and children are more likely to feel their parents' love.

Learn to let go. True love comes from letting go with trust.

I believe that children can accumulate experience in the practice of life. I believe that children can explore through their own efforts and find the answer to the question. Only by returning the rights belonging to the child to the child's hands can he learn to be responsible for his own life, find a sense of control over life and build self-confidence.

Allow children to make mistakes. Don't let mistakes hinder growth.

Treat every mistake as a good opportunity to learn, reflect on it, find new ways to solve problems, and be brave in practice in life. Practice can test true knowledge.

If you want to accompany your children better, you must let go of the old wounds of the past. Because my family was poor when I was a child, I couldn't afford to buy eggs and regarded them as precious food. Children who grow up in material wealth will certainly lay eggs. This is unreasonable.

Because of his childhood experience of being neglected by his parents, he overcompensated his children's attention without breathing for a moment. The child was crowned in the name of love and suffered great psychological pressure.

Little m has a nagging mother. Mom's machine gun-like education method makes Xiao M feel untrustworthy and incomprehensible. Because I feel that nagging is not wonderful, I choose to shut up after having a child.

On the contrary, little X grew up in a strict family. Because he was too self-disciplined, he chose to restrain his children after having them.

It is conceivable that the actions of the two mothers have no way to guide their children to do better, but have gone to the other extreme.

Let go of those old beliefs and raise children not to make up for parents' past pains and regrets. Children need to develop themselves healthily and actively in a moderate and bordered environment.

Before you become the parents of children, don't forget that you are yourself first. Try to do something to care for and nourish yourself and teach children to love themselves.

This may be contrary to the education of the old times, and it will make us involuntarily label ourselves as "selfish".

What we should see is that times are different, and selfless dedication is transformed into "touching yourself" dedication. In fact, children do not need to be kidnapped by their parents in the name of "love". Parents should rediscover their own boundaries and learn to take care of themselves.

This concept permeates people all the time in life. When the plane is in distress and the oxygen mask falls off, the most appropriate way to save lives is for parents to put the oxygen mask on themselves first, and then put it on their children. Because only by saving your own life can there be follow-up events.

Therefore, it is particularly important to look at yourself in life.

We should not only learn to take good care of our emotions, but also strive to maintain a loving and appreciative eye when facing children, and also know how to enjoy the beauty of life and add points to our energy. Find a circle to support and encourage yourself, to grow up, and to meet a better self.

Let every effort of yours be born of love and flow for love.