1, the psychological misunderstanding of learning first.
If the contents of parents' education for their children are almost all about learning knowledge, and other educational contents are not included in the parents' education plan for their children, then parents' educational concept must be wrong. Our family education does not mean that children only know how to study. Even if our parents are professors, it is impossible to teach our children all the classes well, because you are only familiar with one class and can't be able to tutor all the classes. Therefore, parents' main responsibility is not to help their children supplement their knowledge, so parents with low educational level should not worry about inferiority and feel that they can't help their children. Parents should help their children to establish their career ideals and interest in learning, and be able to learn actively. If their children have not developed the ability of autonomous learning in high school, even if they are admitted to the university, it is still a problem, because the university campus is much more complicated than high school, and students' life and study are completely arranged by themselves. No one will follow the students to remind and urge them to study anytime and anywhere, so students must cultivate their autonomous learning ability as much as possible before going to college.
Americans once believed in "intellectual determinism", but now Americans don't think so. They believe that intellectual factors and non-intellectual factors jointly determine a person's development level. Among them, the intelligence factor is a necessary condition for a person's development, but the non-intelligence factor is a sufficient condition for a person's development, because the intelligence factor is a question of whether a person can do it, and the non-intelligence factor is a question of whether a person is willing to do it. Therefore, parents should not always focus on children's intellectual development, but should pay more attention to the cultivation of children's non-intellectual factors, such as cultivating children's honest attitude and cooperative spirit, because if children can learn diligence, kindness, self-improvement and love from teachers and parents during their growth, even if their children's academic performance is not good today, parents don't have to worry too much, because their lack of talent can completely make up for it.
2. The psychological misunderstanding of quick success and instant benefit.
Any education has a certain utilitarian color, that is, pursuing educational value. The vulgar utilitarianism in the process of education will pursue immediate short-term educational effects at the expense of children's sustainable development. This is a typical adult-centered education method. In order not to let their children lose at the starting line, parents will let their children study ahead of time and over-study, all in order to make their children superior.
Some parents ignore their children's development and force them to learn to stand, walk, write and recite poems early ... which leads to a serious imbalance in their children's physical and mental development, and problems such as grumpy, anxious, indifferent and withdrawn. They may also refuse to study and don't know how to get along with others. Once parents' expectations for children's growth are extreme, they will inevitably induce irrational thinking in their understanding, ignore the reality of children's development, and produce educational behavior of quick success and instant benefit. In order to fully satisfy their psychological expectations (even vanity), parents will confuse the essential difference between their children's learning potential in physical and mental development and their learning ability in pedagogy, and thus blindly choose some so-called "fast learning plans" or "child prodigy training plans" under the banner of science.
3. The psychological misunderstanding of vulgar utility.
Parents use the excellent performance of familiar classmates or children of the same age to stimulate their children's self-motivation. As an educational strategy, if used properly, it will achieve good educational results. However, a considerable number of parents are psychologically inflated in comparison, ignoring their children's personality differences, choosing evaluation criteria at will, blindly comparing with others, and making misplaced comparisons. Cause their children's personality to disappear and grow into docile little sheep, or their children's personality to be distorted and become rebellious bad wolves.
4. Underestimate the psychological misunderstanding of questioning.
In real life, we can often see that some children are smart, but their will is weak and their interest is not high. Although some children have average intelligence, they are tenacious, ambitious and indomitable. Therefore, parents should realize that any normal child will always have certain advantages and potential. Parents should objectively and calmly analyze children's characteristics, be good at discovering and guiding children to fully tap their own advantages, and let children feel the joy of success anytime and anywhere in life and study. However, if parents don't know enough about their children's potential, they will easily make the mistake of underestimating and questioning their children's potential, and they will ask their children to do what they want to do everywhere, so that they can't learn from their failures, thus becoming accustomed to relying on and being ordered, thus becoming lack of thinking power and difficult to adapt to future social work and life.
5, the psychological misunderstanding of partiality.
Parents treat their children with subjective emotions and expectations, self-righteously identify their children's development, and summarize all their personalities with one characteristic of their children, thus greatly limiting their development direction. For example, some parents often accuse their children of "you are messing with me again", "you are always like this" and "you are really worthless", suggesting that children can't change, which will make them feel worse than others, so they give up correcting, and gradually the children will develop in the direction of being recognized by themselves and become a worthless person; On the other hand, it is easy to become prejudice, which leads parents to often blame their children, alienate the parent-child relationship more and more, and even make the children more and more antagonistic and rebellious.
6. Ignore the psychological misunderstanding of advantages.
Many parents feel that their children have no advantages, and even if they do, they are often taken for granted and ignored by parents. In addition, China people have always advocated modesty, so many parents are not used to praising their children in front of others, and sometimes they deliberately criticize their children. In fact, parents' evaluation of children is an important basis for children's self-confidence and self-image. For a child, if parents often mention his shortcomings, the child will often doubt his ability, which will not only affect his self-confidence, but even make the child think that he is useless and eventually become enterprising. Therefore, parents must be good at giving proper praise and praise to his good words and deeds in time.
7. Always put children first.
Most parents in our country are like this: put their children first and others, including themselves, second.
Dealing with family relations in this way is prone to family problems. The reason I said is actually very clear: the stable blood relationship needs care, and the relationship between husband and wife is fragile. More importantly, they care about and support each other. Only in this way can a family live happily and live in harmony.
However, the reality is not optimistic. After having children, many young mothers take care of their children wholeheartedly, and the balance of family life gradually tilts towards the children, leaving their husbands in the cold. There are problems in the relationship between husband and wife, such as the education of children, the support of the elderly and the harmony of the family.
Putting children first will also cause children's love for their fathers or Oedipus complex. When children grow up, parents can't let them go and have psychological problems.
8. Parents don't want to change themselves and try their best to make their children better.
If children have problems, parents will be anxious to educate them, sometimes they will scold and bully them, or ask teachers to cooperate to change their children's problems.
Some parents are similar to suffering from "obsessive-compulsive disorder". If they don't change their children's bad habits, they can't eat or sleep well.
In short, since having children, parents have spent almost all their lives on their children, specifically, trying their best to change their children, of course, hoping that their children will get better and better.
However, many times it backfires.