1, blame, criticize, command and even beat and scold, this type of communication leads to children's rebellion and insecurity.
This type of parents hope to control their children's behavior by blaming, beating and cursing. Their mantra is "Why are you so lazy that you can't finish this homework?": Why are you so dawdling? I have told you several times, but you still dawdle. What's so great about such a trivial matter; Mom and dad criticize you and forbid you to pout ... "When it comes to being angry, you will even hit your child.
Children educated by such parents generally have two manifestations. One is to rebel after puberty, not listen to their parents, start to rebel against their parents, and even start to fight back against their parents. Perhaps many parents now feel that their children are not as obedient as they were in the fifth and sixth grades before, and they are beginning to resist. In fact, children's rebellion is not only in adolescence, but also in their hearts. It broke out when he was able to resist in adolescence. At this time, parents can't control their children at all, and the parent-child relationship is very bad.
The second kind of children look excellent under the strict discipline of their parents, and may have excellent academic performance, but their inner lack of self-confidence and security is very unfavorable to their career success and happiness as adults.
2, super-rational, popular understanding is to talk about the truth.
As a result of this kind of communication, children turn a deaf ear to anything their parents say, whether it is important or not, and filter it out directly.
Once, I saw a father and son on the train. The father has been telling his son about success, from Ma Yun and Ren Zhengfei to Wang Jianlin, telling his son to study hard, otherwise he will accomplish nothing. My son started playing mobile games and then pretended to sleep. Everyone can see that he erected a barrier in front of his father and they were isolated. His father is as anxious as fire, and his son is as cold as ice.
Parents tell their children too much truth, which usually ends like this. Children will automatically close their ears. He knows everything about reasoning with children, but he just can't do it. This is the final result of super-rational communication.
3, please type, such communication leads to children's arrogance and inferiority.
In the process of educating children, as long as children have emotions, parents immediately soften and please their children. Right away, it's all mom and dad's fault. Mom and dad did something wrong. Mom and dad don't understand you. I completely lost my principle and position as a parent. Children educated by such parents will be extremely arrogant at home and extremely inferior outside. Arrogance is because his parents make him feel that everything is right. Inferiority is because in the outside world, no one will spoil her like mom and dad, and her behavior will be frustrated, and she will doubt herself and feel inferior.
4, interrupted, such communication leads to children's lack of ability to solve problems.
When children encounter problems, don't face them head-on. Tell the child about the past and forget it. Let's do something you like. On the one hand, children feel that they are not understood and alienated from their parents. On the other hand, this way of parents can't let children learn the correct way to solve problems. In the long run, children will only detour when they encounter problems, and they don't know how to solve them positively.
What these four communication methods have in common is not to face, accept or even deny children's feelings and emotions. It is also because of the denial of children's emotions that children feel that they are not accepted, unloved and insecure. The problems caused by such communication methods are brewed when children are young and concentrated in adolescence. Finally, it is reflected in children's academic performance, interpersonal communication and parent-child communication.