Parent-child relationship trainer of Xiangru Cultural Communication Center: Gu Yunqing Dear parents, you have worked hard! There is a cloud in the Book of Rites: "The country is founded by the people, and teaching comes first. This is recognized by China and most countries in the world! Since China's reform and opening up, our country's economy has developed rapidly! With the rapid development of science and technology, human beings began to enter the network age. As our sage Confucius said: The world is beginning to be harmonious! This is understandable and good for human development. At the same time, it also makes the competition more and more fierce, accelerates the pace of our life and increases the pressure of human life. Slowly, our family began to change: the number of family members began to decrease, the family function began to weaken, its operation in the family began to become nominal, and both husband and wife began to go out to work, which led to different degrees of crisis in our family education! The reason why human beings are different from animals is that apart from the fact that human brains are more developed than other animals, there is also an important factor: we humans have systematic education. Especially in China, because of education, our culture can be passed on. As a native of China, I should be very proud, because there used to be four ancient civilizations on the earth, and now there is only one-China! During World War II, many European scholars made special research and investigation on this issue, and finally came to a conclusion: one of the important factors why China can stand on the earth and develop continuously is that China has done a good job in family education! Speaking of education, what are the components of education? Education is divided into four parts: first, family education, where parents set an example to achieve the foundation of baby's virtue; Second, school education is the continuation of family education and the achievement of children's skills; Third, social education, extensive learning, after hearing about achievements, you will gain wisdom; Fourth, religion and education are the highest enjoyment of a complete life, you must know! Under the condition of world harmony, there are disharmonious factors in China's education, and China's modern education is facing a huge crisis, mainly in the following aspects: First, the structure and function of education have changed, leading to an unprecedented crisis in education. Well, it is clear from the above that, structurally, family education is the foundation of all our education. If the foundation is not firm, there will be many problems in future education. In modern society, due to the increasingly fierce competition, the pace of our life is accelerating, and the pressure of human life is increasing. Most parents have to go to work because of livelihood problems. Mothers have the greatest influence on infant enlightenment education. Nowadays, most mothers are busy with work, and the time left for educating their children is greatly reduced. In desperation, they give their children to their grandparents, or hire a full-time nanny, thinking that everything will be fine. China's educational culture for thousands of years is basically the structure in which it operates in the family, and the role distribution in education is mostly like this: grandparents' nature is to love their grandchildren (sons: representing children) and strict father's loving mother. Now this structure has undergone tremendous changes. From the perspective of educational role, parents are busy with work, and the protagonist of family education has changed from parents to grandfathers, grandmothers or nannies, so children are either spoiled by grandfathers and grandmothers or taken care of by nannies, while grandfathers, grandmothers and nannies are mostly bored when taking care of children, so watching TV has become the best way for them to pass the time, and gradually children's tutoring is handed over to TV. Due to the weak foundation of family education, children are sent to kindergartens, primary schools, junior high schools, high schools and universities ... at the beginning of life, nature is good. The same nature varies from upbringing to upbringing. If you don't teach, sex will change ... human nature is good. At school, students' family background, living habits and ways of dealing with people are different. Because of the weak family education foundation, they are easily influenced by other students. If you don't have preconceived ideas, you can't lay a solid moral foundation from childhood. If you don't have a moral ruler and a standard in your child's mind, it's hard for the child to learn well, but it's too easy to learn badly. Playfulness is a child's nature. If there is no timely guidance and care, with the continuous advancement of learning, the learning burden will increase, and children will gradually get tired of learning, unable to find self-confidence in learning, so they begin to play truant. In fact, there is a wall between school and society. You can't find confident students in your study. After playing truant, they entered the dye vat of society and found an "Elysium"-Internet bar. As a result, the main battlefield of school education and social education has become an Internet cafe. In the illusory online world, what children learn is violence, killing, pornography and obscenity ... which leads to the high juvenile crime rate in China! By this time, parents found it was too late. Secondly, from the perspective of education, parents, teachers and society all have different degrees of "exam-oriented education" plots, which leads to the imbalance of the main direction of education! In China, due to the large population and the relative shortage of educational resources, especially high school education and higher education resources, students must pass the exam-scores are the only seemingly "fair" admission method at present. Influenced by thousands of years of traditional culture in China, China people accepted the concept of "being an official with skills". Every child's parents want their children to have a promising future, so studying hard and being admitted to famous brands and key universities in the future is the only way to "learn to be an official". Almost every student's parents are like this. In order to achieve the goal of being admitted to a famous or key university, parents and teachers have to ask students to put their academic performance first. Finally, to put it simply, in order to get children into good schools, as long as the children get good grades, nothing else matters. Under the influence of everyone, teachers only hold "good academic performance" as excellent students. In the end, with the joint efforts of parents and teachers, we just put our academic performance first. Then, it ignores moral education. This is the main reason why quality education is difficult to develop in China. Confucius sage disciples "if there is something"-there is a cloud: gentlemen and businessmen are based on this, and the Tao is born! And our current education is actually giving up the foundation and is not allowed. The inevitable result is: get twice the result with half the effort! Parents are tired, children are bitter! On the contrary, it makes the already disharmonious parent-child relationship worse! In the end, it even led to the life tragedy of "my son is under too much pressure to study and bring his mother with a blade at home"! Furthermore, in our country, schools also carry out moral education, but its effect is not good, because the root of moral education has not been found. Earlier, we mentioned "family education, parents lead by example, the foundation of baby's virtue"! Looking back, the real foundation of moral education lies in "family education", and most of our parents give their children's family education to "TV sets". Most children watch TV without the supervision and guidance of their parents. Driven by curiosity, children are exposed to things they shouldn't be exposed to prematurely. It also allows children to be exposed to western culture too early (such as sexual openness and egoism). Nowadays, children seem to know everything and mature too early, which is not a good thing! No one dares to believe that TV can educate good children. Ceng Zi clearly pointed out in the Book of Filial Piety: "Filial Piety is the foundation of virtue. Filial piety is the foundation of family education in China, and it is also one of the important reasons why China, the only country with ancient civilization, can survive and prosper on the earth. Filial piety is also the most respected Confucian culture in China. Children with filial piety, under the feeling of "filial piety", can develop: affection and kindness, and cultivate the way of treating others with affection and kindness; If there is no filial piety, then his (her) affection and kindness can't be opened, but what is opened is: interests! What is cultivated is the "interest" way of treating people and things. A person who manages his life in the way of "love and kindness" and in the way of "fun" will inevitably form a world of difference in the future! Mencius said, "It is dangerous for the state to pay taxes from top to bottom"! Even dealing with parents is an interest, so it is "top-down tax payment, which harms the family." Family members trade interests, and this family is in danger. What does it mean for you to train your children even if they graduate from college, graduate school or doctor's degree? What does it mean to the whole society? It is very likely that one day when he comes back from studying abroad, he will think that he learned it by cleverness, and even dislike that his mother is illiterate. If she looks at him, he will even give her a bad look. What's the point? What does such a person mean to her and society? Let the children feel the kindness of their parents from the moment of conception in October. My mother's pregnancy is very hard, and there are many physiological reactions during pregnancy, such as vomiting, unable to eat, and unable to eat or sleep well after ten months of pregnancy. However, under such circumstances, my mother never said that she refused to eat because she was uncomfortable. Why? Because she considers the nutrition of children, children can grow up healthily. I said to my child, "Mom has done this for us. How can we protect our bodies?" The children responded to me that "the body is a skin injury, and the parents who suffer from it dare not hurt it." With such knowledge and attitude, children will know how to take care of themselves in their daily lives. Children are not picky eaters, and mothers insist on eating if they can't eat. How can I be picky about food, and how can I not eat and hurt my health? "Physical injury will bring sorrow to relatives" Second, teaching "filial piety" is to combine stories. Because children's abstract thinking is weak and their thinking in images is strong, you use the form of stories, which is particularly easy for children to understand, and even immediately imitate the characters in the stories and use them in life. For example, in the "filial piety" section of Disciples' Rules, there is a sentence called "Love me, why is it difficult to be filial?" Hate me, filial piety Fang Xian ". At this point, we will tell our children the story of Min Ziji. Min Zikai is a disciple of Confucius. His biological mother died when he was very young. Later, his father married his stepmother and gave birth to two sons, but the stepmother was very kind to the two sons, but she was very mean to Min Ziqian. One winter when she was making cotton-padded jackets, she used cotton wool for her two biological sons and reed flowers for Min Zikai. In winter, it was snowing heavily outside, and Min Zikai followed his father to drive the carriage out. Because he is so thin, his hands are too cold to catch the reins of the carriage. In ancient times, people were very strict and cautious in educating their children, so when their father saw Min Zikai wearing a "thick" cotton-padded jacket, he was still shivering and very angry and said, "You are deliberately ruining your mother's honor! "As a result, when a whip was pulled down, Min Zikai's cotton-padded jacket broke and the reed flew out. What's in his cotton-padded jacket? It's not cotton, it's reed flowers. How do reed flowers keep warm? Only when I saw these dads did I know that although the child was wearing a thick cotton-padded jacket, it was not warm at all. It was his mother who abused him. Just when my father came home angry and wanted to divorce his wife, Min Ziqian followed, knelt down in the heavy snow and begged my father, "You can't let your mother go. A child, my mother is cold, and my mother is here. I am the only one who is hungry and cold. If my mother leaves, the three brothers will be hungry and cold. " After listening to Min Zikai's words, the stepmother cried bitterly with her two sons in her arms. It was Min Ziqian's filial piety that touched this family and influenced his abusive stepmother. ...... A person's "filial piety" is not a transaction, and it cannot be conditional on how our relatives treat us: if we are good, we will be filial, but if we are not, we will be unfilial. Filial piety is our duty as human beings. Therefore, no matter how mother treats us, there is only one attitude, and we should do our duty well. Then filial piety like Min Ziqian, friendship with brothers, "filial piety" will definitely affect his family and people around him. Use this story to guide children to be filial no matter how their parents treat you ... Finally, I wish all parents in the world good health and hope that you can do good deeds after reading this article, and then cultivate good deeds for yourself and your family. I also wish you a harmonious family relationship and a safe, healthy and happy family!