How do children educated at home solve the problem of peer communication? A child's lack of peer interaction in childhood and adolescence is equivalent to a lifetime of calcium deficiency.
The healthy growth of children must not be in a warm box, but in real life. In short, ups and downs are nutrition.
□ Sun Yunxiao (Deputy Director of China Youth Research Center)
□ Interview/Reporter Shi Xin
The general principle of all education is that what is suitable is the best. Education should be suitable for different children, not a unified model for children to adapt to.
The mainstream of our current education is public education, the second mainstream is private education, and the third mode-family education will be marginalized for a long time, and only a few people will make such a choice.
Because choosing family education requires conditions. The first is the understanding and awakening of individual parents to education. They think that school education is not suitable for children or harmful to children. At the same time, material conditions are also very important, and these families should have certain economic strength. In other words, at present, those who choose family education are still rich and educated families.
How to solve peer communication?
Combining the advantages and disadvantages of school education and family education, on the one hand, school education is the product of the industrial age, and the characteristics of its mass production do have many helplessness and defects. For example, the examination system, publicity about grades and so on. Some children can't adapt. Our existing condition is that poor countries run large-scale education, and insufficient investment will inevitably affect the quality of teachers. In view of the contradiction between the mode of school education and the diversity of children, family education has its reasonable side.
On the other hand, I don't think we should exaggerate the suffering of existing education. Although there are rigid and rigid problems in school education, we should also see that school education only gives children the opportunity to learn to face difficulties and deal with problems.
There is another particularly big problem with this family education method. We must realize that children's education in school is not only knowledge education, but also socialization education. The growth of children is a process from natural person to social person. The process of socialization has a great feature, that is, it is inseparable from peer communication. No matter how good an adult is, he can't replace his peers. How do children educated at home solve the problem of peer communication?
Some people may say that the internet is developed and family education will not cause communication obstacles. This reason does not hold water. No matter how developed the internet is, it can't replace face-to-face communication with peers. In particular, children's education is vivid and intuitive, and machines cannot be replaced. Children are inextricably linked with their peers at school. I interviewed Fei Xiaotong, a sociologist. He said that children understand reason not by listening, but by watching. See what the partners do, and they will do it.
It is extremely important to organize young pioneers, elect class cadres, and cooperate with various activities of the school. In primary school and junior high school. In my opinion, one of Zheng's shortcomings in educating children is that his son lacks social adaptability, which is hard to avoid.
An important theory of sociology is the theory of group socialization. After children enter adolescence (10-20 years old), there is a characteristic-the older they are, the greater the influence of their peers, even more than parents or adults. For example, junior high school students, parents buy a dress for their children, which is really beautiful, while classmates are really vulgar. Most children will care more about the opinions of their peers. Any child wants to be recognized in the group. This kind of desire and experience is completely different from that of adults. This is the experience of "class" and "group".
I think a child's lack of peer communication in childhood and adolescence is a lifelong regret. Lack of this is equivalent to lack of calcium in life.
As a result, there are two major conflicts between family education and school education. First, it is difficult for family education to bear the comprehensiveness of nine-year compulsory education, and it is easy to lose sight of one thing and one side. The second is the conflict between the collectivity of school education and the individuality of family education.
There may be two situations as a result of the conflict: one is childish, and the children are not old enough because they are taken care of too much; The other direction is adulthood, and there is no common language with peers, that is, children without childhood. Childhood is an insurmountable season of life, just like the four seasons without spring?
Sweet, sour and bitter are all nutrition.
I once had the idea of family education, but it just flashed by and I gave up.
In fact, under the same school education background, children's development is also very different, which shows that the family education background of auxiliary school education is very important. If family education is relaxed, children may be able to keep their childhood. For example, my daughter is more satisfied. I think the mission of all children's education can be summed up in eight words: finding children and liberating them.
I don't force my children to go to famous schools and get high marks. From elementary school to college, all my volunteers were chosen by my daughter. I'm just making suggestions. I attach great importance to children's communication. In my opinion, children without friends are more serious than failing the exam. I cultivate children's healthy behavior and love for life.
In practice, there are indeed many conflicts with school education. But this is the difference between my education and Zheng's. I know that children may suffer in school, but I think this is the experience he should have, so that he can share the same fate with his peers, understand the society and understand his peers.
The healthy growth of children must not be in a warm box, but in real life. In short, ups and downs are nutrition. At the same time, make some adjustments through the family education balancer. When the school is very strict, the family should be more relaxed, more understanding, more tolerance, more opportunities and more trust. Never let a child become a bellows mouse, and suffer indignities at both ends.
Family education is a risky way.
There are also different reasons for choosing home education now. Some parents have higher requirements for their children and have certain conditions themselves. Some are helpless. I know that some children who are rejected by the school don't like it and can only drop out of school to draw. Then there is the cultivation of certain skills, just like Ding Junhui, but this example is too extreme and accidental, so education often has a desperate mentality.
In this case, family education may cause social problems, and I think the core is the protection of children's rights. China signed the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, which includes four basic rights of children-the right to life, the right to development, the right to protection and the right to participation. If children are educated at home, the security system will be weaker than school education, and only parents will participate. This may lead to the problem that children's rights and interests are not guaranteed. For example, the quality of education is not guaranteed and education may be one-sided. This is an adventurous way.