Left-behind children are separated from their parents for a long time. When they are psychologically confused, encounter difficulties in study and face difficulties in life, can they get help from their parents who are hundreds or even thousands of miles away? What is the current situation of family education for left-behind children and what are the main difficulties? These are all worthy of attention.
With more and more migrant workers entering cities, there are more and more left-behind children in rural areas. Yun Yun (a pseudonym) in hanshan county is one of them. Although she is only 5 years old, her parents have gone out to work for three years, leaving her and her grandparents behind. The elderly have no academic qualifications, and there are no kindergartens around the village, so it is impossible to receive early childhood education. Usually, Yun Yun and her friends play in the village. Her grandparents take care of her in life, and she looks very happy. However, if someone asks about her parents, Yun Yun will turn around and sob. ...
Children are eager for their parents' love.
Gao Yueqin, the project officer of Beijing Peasant Women's Cultural Development Center and Peasant Women's Bookstore, is from Anhui, and Yun Yun is the child of her relatives. Gao Yueqin told reporters: "In our hometown, most young people go out to work, and there are not many people with relatively high incomes and relatively stable lives in cities, so only a few children can go to the city with their parents. Yun Yun's parents always wanted to take their children with them, but the pressure of life was too great, and no one took care of them in the city, so they finally stayed at home. " According to her, some children have been to the city with their parents, but they are sent back soon because their parents have no place to stand, can't protect themselves, or are busy with work and have no time to take care of them.
Although left-behind children have parents, they still have to accept the reality of "separation of flesh and blood". Gao Yueqin said: "Every time parents and children reunite, left-behind children are particularly afraid of their parents, especially their mothers going out to work again. A few days before her mother left, Yun Yun slept with her neck in her arms and often woke up crying at night, begging her not to go. Every year from the sixth day to the sixteenth day of the first lunar month, at the entrance of the village, you can see children crying and adults crying every day, inseparable. Children cling to adults and are easily pulled away. Adults turn back step by step. This heartbreaking scene is particularly sad. "
Parents send you to and from school, teachers inculcate you at school, and parents take care of you at home. You can tell your parents when you are wronged. This is the family life that every child yearns for. However, these are extravagant hopes for left-behind children. I can only live with my parents for a few days a year, make a few phone calls, or even meet them once a year, leaving them with endless thoughts about their parents and their home.
The "chatterbox" has become a "boring gourd"
Many left-behind children have been separated from their parents for a long time since childhood. Because they can't enjoy the care of their parents all the year round, most left-behind children are insecure, introverted, timid and inferior, and unwilling to communicate with others. Gao Yueqin's son Zhang Yue (a pseudonym) is a typical example. In 2003, Gao Yueqin went out to work, and Zhang Yue, who was still in primary school, stayed at home and lived with her grandfather. When she met again, she found that her son used to be clean and diligent, and the good habit of washing clothes and cooking by himself was gone. These were all done by grandpa. My son became lazy and dirty. The son who used to be sweet-talking and eloquent and was called a "little chatterbox" has become a "boring gourd". Gao Yueqin found that his son was becoming more and more strange to himself. He usually calls home and his son doesn't talk much. Like an "audience", he asked questions, and his son answered them simply, sometimes deliberately avoiding them. Ask what, just say "I know", or simply say "well", a pair of once intimate mother and son suddenly don't know what to say, and there are obstacles in communication between them. After that, Gao Yueqin insisted on writing to his son every month, and also asked his grandfather, uncle and aunt to help him understand the child's heart so as to find opportunities to communicate with his son. Although she made some efforts, the effect was not obvious.
Gao Yueqin was deeply touched: "Parents go out to work, and the children are mentally lonely. It is easy to feel psychologically distant from parents, and feelings become unfamiliar, which has a bad influence on personality. " It should be said that Gao Yueqin is still a parent who pays more attention to children's psychological changes. She is trying to understand her son, hoping to be close to his heart, but the distance of space makes her education for her son out of reach. It is understood that there are few parents of migrant workers like her around us. They are more busy making a living all day, ignoring the care for their children's hearts and emotions.
Lingling (a pseudonym) used to be a lively and laughing little girl. After her parents went out to work for a period of time, she had obvious changes: when she met relatives and acquaintances, she always bowed her head and answered; If a stranger comes to the house, hide in another room and don't come out. Gao Yueqin repeatedly asked Lingling's parents to take their children with them, but on the one hand, they felt it was troublesome to take them out, on the other hand, they didn't realize the harm caused by long-term separation to their children's hearts. In the eyes of Lingling's parents, children can eat and wear warm clothes, and their lives are taken care of, so they naturally grow up.
Left-behind children are mostly supervised by grandparents or relatives at home, and they tend to go to two extremes in family education: first, they are spoiled and arranged in all aspects; Second, indifference or connivance of children's bad behavior leads children to develop bad behavior habits, which leads to two tendencies of left-behind children: one is autistic, introverted and unsociable; Second, rebellious, violent impulse, emotional instability, poor self-discipline and strong rebellious psychology.
For these phenomena, many migrant workers' parents simply don't know where to guide their children's psychology, and they don't know how to educate their children correctly. They often use sticks instead of communication and guidance. Over time, children's awareness of learning is lax, their grades are backward, and they lose confidence.
Material compensation replaces spiritual compensation.
Many parents of migrant workers always feel that they have been away for a long time and owe a lot to their children. What they often think of is to compensate their children with material things. In Gao Yueqin's hometown, shopping is an important content in the days when parents of migrant workers reunite with their children. Some preschool children go to the supermarket with their parents, who let them pick whatever they want. Some children throw everything into the shopping basket and can buy hundreds of dollars. Older children should buy brand-name shoes and clothes, and parents should try their best to meet their children's requirements, even if they are unreasonable. Many parents think that if they work outside to earn money, they should let their children eat and dress well.
This phenomenon is quite common among migrant workers' parents, who often spend more material and less spiritual care on their children's education, especially those migrant workers who become employers and contractors, whose family income is relatively high, are easy to develop the problem of their children spending money lavishly, but rarely pay attention to and educate their children psychologically and emotionally. Not only that, some parents' attitude of emphasizing play and enjoyment after "getting rich" hinders the formation of children's correct outlook on life and values. This is fatal to children.
Another aspect of migrant workers' parents' neglect of spiritual care and psychological communication for left-behind children is that parents don't have the consciousness of home-school cooperation to educate their children together. Gao Yueqin said that in her hometown in Anhui, school teachers rarely get in touch with parents, and parents rarely take the initiative to call school teachers to find out about their children. Many parents think that sending their children to school is equivalent to sending them to the "safe". It is the responsibility of the school to educate children, and whether they can become talents depends on teachers and children themselves. Parents don't know what difficulties their children have encountered and what psychological confusion they have, let alone effective guidance, which undoubtedly leads to the lack and closure of family education for left-behind children.
Pay attention to achievements and ignore quality education.
A survey shows that the education level of most migrant workers' parents is mainly in primary school and junior high school. Most parents work in cities to earn money for their children to go to school. They attach great importance to their academic performance, and hope that their children can be admitted to college or above, and hope to change their destiny in the future. However, due to their low cultural quality, parents are often irrational and unscientific in the way of educating their children. "Most parents of migrant workers lack patience and methods in educating their children. Children's academic performance declines, and parents beat and scold more; For children in junior and senior high schools, parents beat and scold less, not nag, and parents always urge them to study when they call back. Parents also have a common feature, that is, things about children are often decided by adults, and they rarely discuss with their children. Parenting behavior is dominated by authoritarianism. Gao Yueqin said.
Gao Yueqin found that parents' values will exert a subtle influence on their children. Generally speaking, parents are sensible and children are sensible. However, some parents of migrant workers do not think much about their children's personality, psychological literacy, work ability and living ability. Gao Yueqin said that when her son went to school at the age of 7, she told him: "From now on, you are a big boy. You should wash your bags and shoes and learn to cook. " I often see their mother and son by the river in my hometown. Gao Yueqin washes clothes and his son brushes shoes. The villagers saw it, and some said that this woman is really cruel, like a stepmother, making such a small child work; Others advised her not to be so mean to children.
However, because most of the left-behind children are taken care of by the next generation of guardians or relatives, most of them are arranged to be replaced, and parents also feel that their children will not be wronged. Moreover, there is an idea in their minds: as long as children study hard, they will definitely get out of the countryside in the future, which is better than anything else.
The child goes to high school with his mother.
At present, "accompanying reading" is no longer the patent of urban mothers. In many counties, there are also groups of accompanying mothers from rural areas. Gao Yueqin is one of them. When her son was a sophomore, she once returned to hanshan county from Beijing and rented a house to live with her son.
The main reason that prompted her to make this decision at that time was that her son developed some bad habits, including surfing the Internet for a long time and being tired of studying. During the time when she just went back, she tried her best to correct her children, strictly restricted their access to the Internet, and made many demands, which her son could not accept. Mother and son quarrel almost every day and are very distant from each other.
After a while, my son's study didn't improve. Gao Yueqin realized that she can't go straight to the subject when dealing with adolescent children. She must change her methods and communicate with her children skillfully. So, she found an opportunity to chat with her son and wanted to make fun of him. At first, his son ignored her or even avoided seeing her. Gao Yueqin still tries to regard himself as his son's friend and chat with him. He discusses all major issues at home, respects his opinions, and implies that his mother does not force him to go to college, but he is a boy and should know how to be responsible for his future. Slowly, my son's attitude has improved, he has consciously controlled the online time, his learning attitude is more positive than before, and his grades have also improved significantly. In the college entrance examination, only two of the more than 70 students in the class were admitted to colleges and universities, and one of them was Zhang Yue.
Gao Yueqin said that accompanying students in her hometown is not an isolated phenomenon. No matter which big city migrant workers' parents work in, once their children go to high school, one parent and more mothers will choose to go back to the county to rent a house to accompany them. Some depend on the father's income to make a living, and some do odd jobs in the county. Gao Yueqin said that although Hanshan County is a small place, house prices have also increased a lot in recent years, and renting a house is much more expensive than in previous years. Accompanied by family economic conditions, accompanied by economic conditions do not allow. Parents' idea is: sacrifice for three years, but also provide for children to go to school, watch their children study, and do a good job in logistics. Never let their children neglect their studies. Parents do this in the hope that their children will be admitted to universities or junior colleges in the future, have a better way out and get rid of the status of farmers completely.
"Work is for the next generation and come back for the next generation. Earning money can't take care of children, and children can't make money. " Gao Yueqin's words represent the hearts of all the mothers who accompany her. But this choice has also brought great psychological pressure to some children to some extent. I feel that accompanying students and the college entrance examination are like a gamble. If I fail in the college entrance examination, my family's three years of hard work will be in vain. I am very sorry for my parents. At the same time, it is an indisputable fact that many children have been separated from their parents for a long time since childhood and are emotionally alienated from their parents. In addition, parents force them to study or study, which leads to their rebellious mentality, little or no communication with their parents, and it is difficult to close the distance between them. The child is still very lonely inside.