Regarding the education of the second-child family, the common educational theory is that a bowl of water must be leveled, but parents with two or more children know that the most difficult thing to educate their children is to level a bowl of water!

In two or more kinds of family education, parents are most worried about their children's rivalry. Everyone, including children, has a desire to possess love in their hearts, and those who have experienced the bitterness of parents' unfair distribution of brothers and sisters often attach great importance to a balanced education after having their own children.

My friend Xiao Gan is such a treasure mother. She was born in 1990. Although she has the title of having both children and children, for Xiao Gan, the second-child family is as irresistible as a "century war", especially since childhood, which makes Xiao Gan secretly swear that he must be impartial to the two little babies and let the two brothers and sisters treat each other equally, love each other and live in harmony.

However, in the day-to-day parenting practice, Xiao Gan deeply realized that putting a bowl of water in the water can not completely solve the problem of children's competitiveness. On the contrary, many new educational contradictions will be extended in what parents think is a bowl of water. Listen to Xiao Gan's introduction, no matter what she does in her bowl, it will cause her sister's hostility to her brother.

What happened?

Mainly because the younger brother was held in the palm of his hand to take care of the little princess at home before he was born, and he could enjoy the care of his family without doing anything. The appearance of his elder brother not only separated the love of his parents and friends, but also forced him to give his original pet to his elder brother. In my sister's view, his brother is like an "intruder". His brother is an annoying follower and a competitor. TA also "robbed" the bowl of water that originally belonged to him.

Therefore, under the influence of the first-come-first-served order, no matter how fair and just a bowl of water is, it is a sense of deprivation for those who come first. This sense of loss will make Dabao easily hostile to Bauer, and a bowl of water will also have a certain impact on Bauer. In Xiao Gan's words, "the youngest son is the little sidekick of the eldest daughter, and he has no ego at all."

I still remember Xiao Gan's expression was full of worries when she talked about her younger brother. According to Xiao Gan, Xiao Gan always bought two copies of everything, influenced by the education of a flat bowl of water since childhood. Under the impartiality of elder sister, brother and sister, Xiao Gan found that when elder sister got her share or disliked her share, she always liked to fool her younger brother to achieve her own needs and goals.

What about the younger brother?

In order to play with my sister, I always want to be her follower. These blind followers also have a great influence on my brother's life. My sister goes to primary school, and my brother insists on going to primary school together, unwilling to step into the kindergarten gate. The dependence that my sister can't rely on actually has a lot to do with a bowl of water.

Because my younger brother was born "later", he doesn't feel that his love for his parents has been "deprived" or "robbed", but he is also jealous and even eager to monopolize his parents' love. In fact, under the influence of balanced bowl education, a lot of impartiality is the wishful thinking of parents. Strictly speaking, it is impossible to completely balance the education of multiple children. Take children's needs as an example. When we meet children's needs,

Why is this?

In the prosperous and complicated living environment, from the essence of human nature, most people want a simple living environment, including educating children, especially in the education of many children. Most of them are old and articulate, and they are used to or like to impose and copy Dabao's needs on Bauer.

As far as supermarket shopping is concerned, my sister likes to eat lollipops. Are parents used to buying two? One for my sister and one for my brother or sister. This seemingly impartial bowl of water is actually a kind of harm to Bauer, because Bauer may not like lollipops in large supermarkets, and he may prefer other goods, but under the influence of his brothers and sisters, his brothers and sisters often have no choice, and they even "dare not take risks" to ask their parents for love.

Therefore, it is difficult for family education to truly achieve a bowl of water, which is not recommended for everyone!

So, how to interpret the love of children?

1, don't think about how to put a bowl of water flat.

In the education of two or more children, it is always the wind of inheritance, but sometimes it is either involuntary or a bowl of water is flat. Parents' education should not be entangled in how to make a bowl of water flat all day. As parents, it is good to want their children to grow up in a fair and just environment, but different children need different love. The different birth order of big and small treasures also determines their needs and different views on the world.

2. Allow children to express their different views.

If children want to grow up in a fair, just and loving environment, then parents must allow their children to express their different opinions and show their respective needs. They can't impose the way and needs of raising Dabao on their children, nor can they impose Bauer's problems on Dabao. For parents, no matter when and where their children grow up and how old they are, they and their parents will always lack twenty or even thirty years. What parents can do is to go to see their children side by side and get to know them after getting to know them.

3. When the big and small treasures conflict, the bystander effect is even more needed.

In a second-child family, the purpose of balancing a bowl of water is actually to reduce the contradiction between big and small, and the most taboo when two babies have conflicts is the participation of parents. In fact, when two children are in conflict, they are in a negative and extremely unhappy mood. At this moment, no matter how parents adjust, how fair and just, there is an unsatisfactory bias towards children. The simplest and most effective way to reduce or reduce the contradiction between Dabao and Bauer is still.

When educating children, we can "take the essence and make up the dross". For example, if Dabao understands the truth, we will reason with Dabao and let Dabao feel respected and cared for. After Dabao has love in his heart, we will love Bauer together, because parents are Dabao's learning benchmark, and Bauer's learning benchmark is Dabao.

Generally speaking, the two children are independent individuals. They don't need to compete or imitate. When big and small treasures conflict, we must watch more and participate less, let the children solve their own problems, express their different opinions, and finally make concessions to reach an agreement for the same thing. This is not only the improvement of social skills, but also a rare good suggestion for their growth.