Last time I visited a friend's house, I didn't see her children. I thought her child was not at home, so I didn't know until I asked. After the child knew that someone was coming at home, he said that he would go back to his room to sleep and not let anyone disturb him.
Later, at noon, when the children saw me, they turned their heads and ran away after dinner without saying hello. A friend said that her children have been like this for some time, and it is estimated that they are too shy and introverted. However, I can see that this is a kind of "escape personality" of children.
"Avoidant personality" will hinder children's success. Speaking of "escape from personality", many parents feel strange and don't understand what this means. Evasive personality is actually a personality characterized by comprehensive social inhibition, negative evaluation and lack of ability. As we mentioned earlier, the children of friends' families are afraid of meeting strangers, even avoiding dealing with people and hiding, which is the performance of "avoidant personality".
Avoidant personality is very similar to introverted personality, but there are still some differences. Introversion is just quiet, conservative and likes to keep a certain distance from people. Children with avoidant personality often want to avoid problems, do not want to solve problems, and respond negatively. When such a child becomes an adult, it is easy to hit a wall in socializing and job hunting, and it is difficult to succeed. Therefore, "avoidant personality" is a stumbling block to children's success.
As we all know, when children are young, most of them are "doing things in the sky" and have great courage. Strangers tease him and he is easy to get close to others. However, why do children have personality problems when they grow up, giving people an awkward feeling? In fact, there is a reason for the formation of children's "avoidant personality".
(1) can't eliminate the backlog of inferiority complex.
The main reason for the formation of "avoidance personality" is inferiority complex. If the child feels inferior, when he is rejected and opposed, he is easily hurt, and this kind of injury will increase his great social anxiety, and he will slowly start to escape from strangers and unfamiliar environments.
In fact, children's ability to deal with problems is limited, their bodies are not strong enough, and it is easy to have helpless frustration. Just like a common little thing in life, when a child is studying, his parents help him with his homework and tell him a knowledge point repeatedly, but he just can't understand it, can't remember it, and is prone to inferiority complex. If this sense of inferiority is not eliminated in time, children think they are stupid and inferior to others, and it is easy to form an "avoidant personality".
② Nerve sensitivity, low tolerance and vulnerability to attack.
Every child is full of difficulties in the process of growing up, and it is normal to encounter failures and blows during the period. However, even the same blow, each child's performance is different. Some children have good "self-healing" ability. After a while, they will be like nothing. They should talk and laugh. But some children can't, and they will be immersed in the pain of the last paragraph for a long time, which will affect their normal life and study. The reason for this difference is the child's nerve tolerance.
If children are nervous and have low tolerance, a slight blow may be heavy for them. Such a child is also easy to form an "avoidant personality", which is also a kind of protection to keep him away from uncertain factors and escape the blow.
(3) receiving too many negative hints.
When people face a thing, the first thing they will do is to measure whether their own strength can cope with it. When a child has high self-confidence and high evaluation of his own ability, he is brave and does not have stage fright. However, if children don't know themselves well and underestimate their own strength, they may have a psychological burden and affect their ability to solve problems.
Some children have received too many negative comments since childhood, and people around them underestimate him and tell him that he has various shortcomings for the purpose of beating him or encouraging him. When children accept too many negative hints, they will consciously develop an attitude of retreating and avoiding things, and eventually form an "avoidance personality".
How to prevent children from forming "avoidant personality"? Children with "avoidant personality" will choose to escape when dealing with major problems, or even choose to give up directly, which is extremely unfavorable to their growth and they will miss many opportunities. Moreover, children with "avoidant personality" will find it difficult to gain a sense of accomplishment if they are not positive about things, which will affect their happiness in the long run. How to prevent children from forming "avoidant personality"?
① Give children more objective and positive comments. Parents in China generally like to let their children feel their own shortcomings through repression, and then pay attention to them and actively respond. However, the "strike" education will make children underestimate their own strength and produce unnecessary inferiority complex, which may lead to the formation of "avoidant personality". Therefore, parents are advised to give their children more objective and positive comments in the process of raising their children, so that they can have confidence in themselves.
2 Help children find what they are good at and gain self-confidence. Children are often more comfortable in their own fields and gain self-confidence. Parents can help their children explore their own strengths and let them show their advantages to the outside world. When a child does well what he is good at and attracts the attention and admiration of others, he will integrate into the group more smoothly and it is not easy to form an "avoidant personality".