Authority-high care, high control
Such parents set clear boundaries for their children, require them to obey the rules and expect them to have mature behavior. But at the same time, parents can also give their children a lot of warmth. They can listen to their children's worries, tell them why they should obey the rules and give them more autonomy (meaning allowing them to have their own ideas about what happened, such as letting them choose within a certain range).
This type of parents punish their children less, give them more guidance and help them learn to think seriously about the consequences of their actions. Children are more likely to gain self-esteem and independence. This kind of education is easy to produce positive effects and form a happy cooperation model between children and parents.
Autocratic type-low care, high control
This kind of parents are ruthless and controlling when they get along with their children. They always expect their children to grow up quickly and do things according to their parents' words-"do as I say!" " There is not much emotional communication between parents and children. Parents severely punish their children, but don't abuse them.
They love their children very much, but they don't express it. Even trivial matters should be interfered with. They always say this-don't you know ... don't you like it ... why do you always ... even use parent-child relationship or parents' health to suppress children? But in different cultures or different public security situations, autocracy has different effects on children.
This kind of parenting leads to children's strong execution, but weak self-awareness. Because under the management of authoritarian parents, children have no right to speak about things and families, they find that their feelings and opinions are often ignored and fed back, which means they don't work, so they don't like to express their positions and attitudes.
For example, in the famous learned helplessness experiment, the dog was put in an electrified cage with a switch button on the side, which could open the door of the cage and lead to an uncharged cage. At first, the dog found the button and touched the switch with his nose. Later, after the experimenter adjusted the button to disable the switch, the dog tried to touch the button several times and found that it had no effect. He would rather lie in the cage and endure the pain of electric shock and never touch that button again. In other words, authoritarian parenting makes children tend to feel that nothing they say or do can change anything, so it is easy to give up.
Indulgence-high care, low control
Give children warmth and cultivate them, but rarely make rules and tell them the consequences of their actions. They don't have much hope that children can make mature behaviors because they are "just children". Parents who are too involved may also fall into this misunderstanding. They just want to be friends with their children, but they ignore the roles of parents, managers and supervisors, so that children lose respect and understanding of their parents' identity. Children brought up in this way tend to bully other children (because their parents can meet their requirements, they will do whatever it takes to get other children's things), and they feel good about themselves and have strong self-esteem, which will hurt them in the long run.
Neglect-indifference and lack of control
Indifference to children, not bothering to control their behavior, not communicating with them and not educating them, are the most serious adverse consequences for children. Children who grow up like this have a great tendency to fight and bully, neglect their studies, get pregnant before marriage, bully the weak and take drugs.
Comparison and summary of four parenting styles
Autocratic, authoritative and indulgent parents love their children very much and do their best-but they have different views on what is the best way to educate them. Generally speaking, different parenting styles may lead to different feelings and behaviors of children.
At least for the children of middle-class European and American families, the children of authoritative parents do well in school, are satisfied with themselves and get along well with others. Children of authoritarian parents are more likely to feel guilty and depressed. Children with doting parents often can't handle the relationship with their peers-because they are used to going their own way.
Of course, extreme indulgence will turn into doting. Spoiling parents will meet every unreasonable request of their children-they may find it easier to obey their children's wishes than to go against them. Indulgence and neglect are harmful to children's development.
For example, the researchers asked 3407 European and American children in grade 9- 12 to describe their parents' parenting style and their preference for peer groups. The results show that those students, especially girls, who grew up in neglected upbringing are more inclined to join gangs, addicts and other groups that are contrary to adult values.
Management and education are actually interlinked. Whether it is family education or school education, appropriate goals or expectations, clear rules and timely warmth can easily cultivate children with correct behavior and physical and mental health. Similarly, when the goals in the team are clear, the rules of the game are set reasonably, and there are appropriate corrections and assistance in the process of action, it is easy to appear the team members expected by managers, and the goal achievement is only the inevitable result of following these rules and assistance.
Therefore, we must have clear expectations for children, clear and reasonable rules and explanations, and then listen and guide them, so as to cultivate a child who is willing to take responsibility for his actions and whose values are in line with most expectations of society.