"I want to ask something that bothers me: there is a little boy in our class who is sexually beyond his age. I have reminded him many times, but it still doesn't work! Our class is grade three this year, but there is a little boy named Xiaoquan (a pseudonym) in our class. He often hugs girls. When girls wear skirts in summer, he secretly squats down and looks under the girls' skirts, even talking too much. ...

I have communicated with my parents many times, but he still commits the same crime. I also communicated with him and wanted to know what he really thought. He frankly admitted his behavior, but asked him what he thought and why. Anyway, he didn't speak. I also communicated with his parents. His mother said that the small circle had been at his uncle's house in the country before, and only received them last year. The children hardly communicate with them, and they don't know what the children are thinking. I don't know how to educate this child. "

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Jiang Yan (head of mental health education center of Paulownia Primary School, national third-level psychological counselor)

Parents should pay attention to their words and deeds.

Boys in grade three have already had some basic sense of shame. His behavior is beyond the curiosity of children of this age, and the teacher also mentioned that there are obstacles in parent-child communication. I suggest that parents take their children to a professional institution, such as the Psychological Center of West China University, to do a professional psychological test, which is conducive to a comprehensive understanding of their children's psychological status and help parents solve problems.

To find out the reasons for this child's behavior, it is necessary to deeply understand the child's living environment and whether the living environment has had an impact on the child. For example, parents or adults around them don't pay attention to their words and deeds, which has a great influence on children.

When it comes to environment, many parents don't care. We often see that many fathers who stay at home are used to wearing only underwear, while mothers don't wear underwear, especially when the weather is hot. Experts remind that for parents with children over 3 years old at home, it is best for adults to dress up in front of their children. Children around 3 years old already have gender awareness, 10 years old began to wake up. If parents don't pay attention to their own clothes, they will be too exposed in front of their children, which will have a bad influence on their children and may lead to sexual psychological disorders.

Taboos that parents need to know.

Now many parents are very open-minded and think that sex education should be as open as possible. In fact, sex education for children should be based on age, otherwise it will be self-defeating.

Babies aged 2-3 know that their mother is a woman and their father is a man. There are physiological differences between men and women. Parents should avoid raising boys as girls and dress them in skirts.

Before the age of 4, children are curious about body parts and touch private parts. But at this stage, children's observation of private parts is the same as that of cars running in the street, and there is no difference. If he finds out, he will lose interest. It is foolish for parents to impose more adult concepts on their children.

5-8 years old, children prefer to associate with the same sex. At this time, parents should tell their children not to let people touch sensitive parts and not to touch sensitive parts of others themselves.

9- 10 years old, with budding gender consciousness, is very sensitive to sexual matters. Parents must not let their children see pictures of sexual intercourse or excessive pornography at this time, so as not to cause adverse effects.

At the same time, parents should be reminded that sleeping in separate rooms too late is not conducive to their children's sex education. The consequences of sleeping in separate rooms too late will not only have a bad influence on children because of their parents' relationship, but also make children suffer from some mental diseases or psychological problems in adulthood.

Sex education should be early.

Some of the child's performances also explain the problem that his sex education failed to keep up when he was a child. Havelock Ellis, a British master of sexual psychology, believes that the earlier a child learns about nudity, the better. If a child has never seen the naked form of a child of the opposite sex in his childhood, it will arouse a morbid curiosity, and then it may be a painful mental blow if he suddenly sees the naked form of an adult of the opposite sex. If children's curiosity about adult nudity is never satisfied, it will leave room for sexual and psychological abnormalities in adulthood. For example, when you are an adult, you can get sexual satisfaction by peeking at the bathroom and the body of the opposite sex.

After a few years, children can't watch their parents take a bath and go to the toilet at will. Gender education should start from children's early childhood. Our principle is to conform to the development of children's sexual psychology first. Before the child is 4 years old, parents should give priority to satisfying the child's curiosity about nudity and not emphasize privacy education. After the child is 4 years old, gradually strengthen the education that makes the child pay attention to the privacy of the body and respect the privacy of others. If the child is over 6 years old now, and his curiosity about adult nudity has not been satisfied before, then we should satisfy the child's interest in nudity, help the child make up this lesson, and educate him on body privacy and respect for others' bodies, and implement a "dual track system" for the child.

Of course, the question raised by a 6-year-old child who saw naked may be much more "sharp" than that raised by a child who saw naked before the age of 4. Parents should be prepared psychologically and intellectually in order to "pass the customs" smoothly. The older the child is, the harder it is for parents to "make up lessons" for their children. Because of our culture, it is difficult for parents to expose their bodies in front of older children, and it is also difficult for older children to accept their parents' nudity. This embarrassing scene makes it difficult for parents to grasp and handle. Therefore, parents must be fully prepared before talking to their children about sex.