"The child is looking for trouble. Mommy's happiness in this life is only when children don't worry her. After giving birth to Xia Hou, Huang's life changed completely. Not only do his friends shuffle cards, but he can only get together with families with children. He also often reads parenting books, listens to speeches, meets well-behaved children, and rushes to ask parents how to teach their children. His attitude as a parent is very serious. Moreover, the tiger mother's upper body and strict implementation of the summer's teaching are quite different from the comedy queen image on the stage, which is surprising and admirable.
In fact, Huang reduced her workload after becoming a mother, because she thought that educating children meant educating herself and getting more. Some parents are very busy at work and have no time to accompany their children, so they often feel guilty about their children. She reminded, "After having children, you must sacrifice your work choice when necessary and educate your children not to commit crimes! If you have to work, explain the reasons to your child, ask your child to understand and accept it, and accompany you wholeheartedly when you have time. Never educate your child with guilt, it's easy to lose the rules.
Draw a line within the scope of love
Huang is full of tiger mother's personality and has her own way of getting along with children. The most important principle is that justice and love go hand in hand. "Righteousness" means teaching children right and wrong and saying what punishment can be done. She stressed that parents have the authority and power to speak, and don't let children feel that parents are just talking. For example, she would say to Xia, "If you do this again, no children will come to play in the future, because you will be punished. Once you say it, you must do it.
Her sternness is not used to beat and scold, but to draw boundaries within the scope of love. Huang and her husband will discuss and make rules together. As long as they don't violate the rules in summer, they can develop freely within the scope, but if she makes a mistake, she will be completely punished. However, after training the child, it is necessary to repair the relationship with the child, hug her, kiss her and repair the broken relationship.
Huang believes that "our generation often misuses the word' love', thinking that this is love, but it is actually love and doting. In educating children, we should not hold the idea that "he is still young and will understand later". Why can't he understand now? Besides, don't be afraid that children won't love you because of it. He will hate alienating him and repairing the relationship because his parents don't love him. She said that adults often pretend to be okay after quarreling and make up, but their emotions and dissatisfaction will accumulate. Don't deal with children's problems in an adult way. After a long time, they will be alienated and unable to communicate with each other. " Let your child know that you will be unhappy about it. 」
Don't apologize to your child easily.
Some parents who accompany their children with guilt will think that they were in a bad mood just now after their children made mistakes and were angry with him, so they apologize to their children and make up. In this regard, Huang stressed, "There is nothing wrong with what you teach your children, so you don't have to apologize to them! Apologizing to children is an educational way, but it should be used in the right place. Saying sorry often is like saying love often. If you haven't felt for a long time, you should say to your child, "I'm angry because I'm still learning how to make you understand." Parents should grow and change at the same time They should not treat their children in the same way. They should spend more time, accompany them with practical actions, and irrigate their children's hearts with love, but apologizing doesn't really help.
"Do you want no one to play with your children in the future? 」
Huang reminded his parents, "Have you ever thought that no one wants to play with your children in the future? Even some unruly children, seen by other parents, dare not let their children play with him, because children will learn from each other, and no parent will be willing to send their well-taught children and then be led astray, so establishing the rules of their children is the key to their future popularity.
As for how to establish rules for children? For example, if she speaks rudely in summer, Huang will tell her, "I know you can't help it, but you have to think about it. Is it helpful to you?" Choose the right thing, because anything you do now will determine the future! For children, this "future" may be whether they can eat ice cream, watch TV or have children go home to play. In this way, they will return the initiative to the child and let him know clearly that any decision they make now will affect the future. Maybe the child can't do it now, but at least he knows clearly and will pay attention.
So when Huang tells you that you can't do something in summer, she usually says, "Oh, great. Can have such a tacit understanding, all rely on long-term education.
What the child will become depends on you.
Huang suggested that it is the golden age to train children's behavior before the age of 3, and it is not too late to start spending more effort after the age of 3. "What kind of person your child will become depends on you." If children beat people, lie and bully others, there is a greater chance of correcting them when they are young than when they grow up.
Although Huang has strict discipline in class on weekdays, on weekends, she will relax in summer to meet her requirements. "But this is not to please children, nor to spoil her, but to relieve stress. At the weekend, she and Xia Keli will take summer out to play. She will agree to what she wants to do, and what she eats within a reasonable range will not have too many opinions and try to make her happy. " Children relieve stress in different ways from adults. After this boundary, the tension between her and you will not be so tight. "This is a good way to repair the relationship, and it can also close the distance with children.
Be a tiger mother for love. Huang: Don't teach your child to be an independent and caring princess with guilt-Rome wasn't built in a day! Huang's care and painstaking efforts are the main reasons for his thoughtful and ingenious writing in Summer. Through the sharp and funny daily conversation between mother and daughter, he told novice parents that even if their children are willing to spend time with them, they can feel love. Give the initiative back to the children.
It is also an important lesson for children to learn to express themselves. Because parents can't fully know what happened to their children in kindergarten and school, they must learn to express themselves and communicate with others. For example, when there are problems in getting along with classmates in summer, Huang wants her daughter to learn to express, "Don't you let classmates know that you don't like it?" Summer nodded. "Then you can't blame others, because you let him do this to you. If you don't tell him, he will always do this to you. So you have to tell him that I want to keep playing with you, but I don't like the way you treat me. I don't know how to get along with you if you go on like this. " "But I dare not tell him." "Only in this way, it's up to you to decide whether to do it or not! Huang returned the initiative to Xia and said to her, "Your choice will determine your future. 」
At the same time, regardless of whether Xia Xiang understood it or not, Huang reminded her from an early age: "Don't wander around in school, you can play with anyone! When you quarrel with one of them, there are other options. You won't have only one friend or a group of friends forever.
Parents should also learn, "You are always older than him."
Although she was eight years old in the summer, Huang continued to enrich her parenting knowledge and even wanted to go to class. She thinks that her wisdom can't keep up with the growth of her children. "You can't just grow up with him, but you didn't. You must always be older than him. So learning can't be interrupted.
Huang described that in the summer when she was a child, two sentences could put her to sleep. Now, she will have a series of questions, "Why are you sleeping?" "Because it's late." "But I can't sleep." "Can't get up tomorrow will be late? What's good for you to be late? " "no way." "What are the disadvantages?" "You can't go out to play if you are late." "Are you going to bed?" "okay. The explanation when I was a child is different from that when I grew up. When I was a child, I didn't have much language and didn't know how to resist. When you grow up, you will want to resist, and parents must have more coping strategies.
Another scene is that she wants to sleep with her parents in summer, but in order to cultivate her independence, she can only sleep on weekends and on weekdays. "Why do you and dad are adults but can sleep together? I am so scared, but I want to sleep by myself? " I'm sorry, because I grew up and found someone I love, so I can sleep with him. The princess and the prince slept together after they got married. Now you are a child, single, you can only sleep alone, and you can't just find someone to sleep with. ""Oh, yes. " Cleverly solved Xia Xiang's doubts with Huang's story. Parents must also learn acceptable communication methods for their children at different stages.
Centennial parenting and summer rearing
Although it was summer since childhood, she kept pushing her mother, but Huang knew her daughter's thinking logic very well and was ready to make moves at any time. She stressed that parenting methods suitable for summer may not be suitable for every child, because children have different types of personalities, such as extroversion, no matter what emotions are exposed; The implosion type, when emotions accumulate to a point, will detonate; Amiable, everything is good, but easy to be influenced. Knowing what kind of children belong to and then looking for relevant parenting books is the best way to raise children.
Huang believes that children are new products and the instructions must be drawn up by parents themselves. When she was 0 to 1 year old in summer, she read the parenting classics taught by centenarians and was shocked by a sentence: "If you don't let him cry, he will let you cry!" Because of this sentence, she decided to be raised by a centenarian doctor. At that time, no matter how hard she cried in summer, she insisted on not hugging and patted her to appease. Sure enough, after crying for 15 minutes, the child fell asleep with fatigue. There is no standard answer to parenting, and one method may not be useful for all children. Huang stressed: "All methods should be tried until they are suitable for children. 」
Raising children is like watching a long movie. The whole process is novel, but you can't know the ending. Although Huang often plays different mothers in the drama, she laughs that being a mother in real life is much more tiring, and the mother on stage and screen only needs to appear once, but we can better understand the knowledge of getting along with each other from these stories. It's like she's going to "love, my mother!" at goto Theatre. In the extra stage, I played a single mother who raised her daughter independently. There is a knot between them. Through the unintentional soul communication between mother and daughter, through participating in each other's lives, we can get to know each other.
Huang lamented that mommy was always thinking about her children: "She should be hungry, so she cried;" She should want to sleep, so she makes trouble. Sometimes you can try to let your children know what their parents think. For example, she often asks Xia, "Why did Mommy scold you?" "Because my mother loves me." Summer want to answer directly. Because Huang wants her daughter to know that if she doesn't love her, she won't miss her, because she can't live with her daughter all her life, and she doesn't want her daughter to be hated or have no friends in the future. It is this sincere love for my daughter. Although Huang is a tiger mother who is strictly educated, the hearts of mother and daughter are still very close.