She is not good at expression, hesitation and reserve. She would rather stand behind and watch other children than play with them. She talks to you from time to time, sometimes she talks endlessly and tells you stories, but sometimes she is silent and you don't know what she is thinking. She spent a lot of time alone in the bedroom. Her teacher said that they wanted her to take part in more school activities, but her social life was limited to two people.
Strangely, she seems completely fine.
Congratulations: you have an introverted child.
If parents are extroverted, they will often worry about their introverted children and even doubt whether their behavior is healthy. Disclaimer: Children may suffer from anxiety and depression like adults. It is important to pay attention to the symptoms of childhood depression; )
However, many introverted children have no depression or anxiety at all. Their behavior is caused by natural personality, and introversion is hereditary and will not be changed easily. Therefore, the sooner you accept your child's innate introverted personality, the happier your child will be.
If you are the parent of an introverted child, here are 15 things you must understand.
1. As an introvert, there is nothing unusual and disgraceful.
There are fewer introverts than extroverts, accounting for about 30~50% of the population. Some of our most successful leaders, artists and entrepreneurs are introverted, such as Bill Gates, emma watson, Warren Buffett, Courtney Cox, christina aguilera and J.K. Rowling.
2. Your child will not stop being introverted.
Can your child "get over" hating noisy birthday parties? No. According to Dr. Marty Olson, introversion is a child's hidden talent, and introversion and extroversion are inherited (although parents play an important role in cultivating this temperament). Introverts and extroverts also have different connections in their brains.
According to Dr. Orr, the brains of introverts and extroverts may use different neurotransmitters, and they may prefer different "sides" of the nervous system (introverts prefer the parasympathetic nervous system, that is, the "rest and digestion" system, rather than the sympathetic nervous system, because the sympathetic nervous system will trigger the "fight, flight or freeze" response). In addition, the American journal Neuroscience published a study, the content of which is that there is a large and thick gray matter in the introverted prefrontal cortex, which is a brain region related to abstract thinking and decision-making.
So, if your child is more cautious and conservative than other extroverted peers, please rest assured that there are biological reasons.
They need to adapt to the new people and environment slowly? It doesn't matter.
Introverts often feel overwhelmed or anxious in front of new environment and new people. If you are attending a social activity, don't expect your child to start chatting with other children right away. If possible, arrive early to make your child feel comfortable in that space and feel that others are entering the space he already has.
Another option is to let the child stand at a comfortable distance, such as near you, where he feels safe, such as standing in the back. A few more minutes to let him observe the surrounding environment quietly will help him adapt slowly.
If these two options are impossible, please discuss the activities with him in advance, discuss who will be there, what will happen, how he may feel, and what he can do when his energy is insufficient.
No matter what new experience you want him to get used to, you should remember: take your time, but you can't help but try. When talking about introverted children, psychologist SusanCain wrote: "Don't let him choose to quit, but respect his limits, even if they seem extreme." Walk with him to what he is wary of.
4. Social activities will stimulate the vitality of your introverted children.
Both introverts and extroverts will lose energy because of social interaction, but for introverts, the situation is even worse. If your child is older than school, teach her to go to a room or a quiet place, or to other places, such as the bathroom or outside. If she is young, she may not realize that she is exhausted, so you must pay attention to whether she shows signs of fatigue.
Making friends may make introverts feel nervous.
This means that when your child is making friends and is worried about taking the risk of failure, you should give him active support. For example, I saw you talking to the new boy yesterday. I know this is hard for you, and I am proud of what you have done. "
6. You can teach them to adjust their negative emotions.
Tell him, "You think you will have a hard time at the birthday party. But in fact, you will make some new friends. " With such positive reinforcement, it will be easier for him to adjust his negative emotions and get out of his comfort zone over time.