/kloc-before the age of 0/8, we require our children to study hard in order to be admitted to a good school;
/kloc-after the age of 0/8, our learning requirements for them suddenly fell, which was difficult to manage.
/kloc-before the age of 0/8, we hope that our children are good children who wear sportswear and are completely unadorned;
/kloc-After the age of 0/8, we feel that their clothes are childish and disrespectful in all aspects.
But we ignore that children's growth is gradual, and their demands and ideas are slowly changing. They are not children before 18 years old, but adults after 18 years old.
I believe many parents have found that when their children reach the senior grade of primary school or junior high school, they suddenly become like a different person and become very particular about dressing up.
They will slowly start to find fault with the clothes their mother bought, and their father's aesthetics are too backward.
I don't want to leave a silly hairstyle according to my parents' requirements when I get a haircut, but I want the most popular hairstyle at present;
I will pay attention to the dress of my classmates, and some will imitate their favorite stars;
If you have acne on your face, it's really a big deal. Look in the mirror dozens of times a day. ...
Seeing these changes in children, many parents can't understand. They think that children are boastful and vain, and they are worried that they have no intention to study and are obsessed with appearance.
But is this worry really necessary?
Huang Lei's wife, Sun Li, shared a photo of her daughter Duoduo on the Weibo. In the photo, I dyed more purple hair and smiled at the camera.
While praising many beauties, many netizens also expressed envy for such a family atmosphere-allowing her to dye her hair at the age of 13.
It is very normal and natural for children to love beauty. We should respect children's nature, but many parents are depressed.
Influenced by old ideas, many people are ashamed to say that they love beauty. But it is not a good thing to suppress it blindly. If you deprive a child of beauty, you deprive him of self-confidence, and this influence may be lifelong.
Dong Qing said: "I succeeded, but I still feel inferior." Many people don't understand that she is so excellent and has achieved a lot since she was a child. How can she feel inferior?
The reason lies in her parents' attitude towards her education: Dong Qing in adolescence is not allowed to look in the mirror because her father thinks it is meaningless to look in the mirror-"You have grown like this, can you look better in the mirror?"
Dong Qing's love of beauty and play has been suppressed at the most childish age of girls. Her father was extremely strict with her education. She is like a hamster on a wheel, busy meeting her father's expectations, but never reaching the end of his expectations.
Dong Qing, who longed for his father's approval in his childhood, never got his father's approval, and eventually became a person who didn't approve of himself.
Now Dong Qing has long forgiven his father and reached a settlement with the original family, but maturity can't change the pain brought by the original family.
Chekhov said: "Everything in a person should be beautiful: face, clothes, heart and thoughts."
But we often separate them and express them to our children unconsciously. Inner beauty is important, while caring about appearance is superficial and even shameful.
Everyone loves beauty. In fact, children's concern about dressing is the process of exploring "who am I".
In this process, children try to imitate and finally find their own unique image.
At the same time, I found my own strength from the conflict with my parents and declared to my parents that "I have grown up".
As psychologist scott parker said:
Parents who really love their children understand that they should respect their children if they love them. Respect their wishes and feelings and their right to make decisions.
Parents' attitude determines everything. Children should not be learning machines. We should let children feel life in multiple dimensions.
If you still have questions, you can help children identify what real beauty is: face, clothes, mind and thoughts. Beauty is never limited to appearance, and it is never a bad thing for children to love beauty.
I hope you can understand and support your children with an inclusive attitude, which is what they want most and is also the most beneficial.