Especially if you think he seems to understand, but the same situation happens, he still "repeats the same mistakes."
At this time, you can't help but fall into self-doubt: "How many times do I have to emphasize it before the child can remember?"
I used to be a reasonable nagging mother. My eldest daughter, Tiaoniu, is a sensitive child. She seems to hate everything that will bind her body.
When she was a child, she didn't want to wear a hat and gloves in cold weather, so she would take off her coat after wearing it for a while. Every time she goes out to dress her children in winter, she is very confrontational.
No matter how much I emphasize that I catch a cold, my daughter won't listen, and it's useless to reason.
Later, I tried to understand why she didn't like to wear a coat, and my daughter complained that she was uncomfortable.
Since then, I have never asked her to wear clothes, and I have basically given up reasoning with my children.
When the weather turns cold, I will say to her before going out, "It's so cold today. Mom has a runny nose in the morning. I can't take it anymore. It seems that I have to wear a coat before I go out. Will it be cold to jump around? "
When my daughter feels cold, she will naturally go back to her room to get her coat and put it on.
It is human instinct to keep out the cold when it is cold. This instinct has nothing to do with age. Children are the same as adults.
No matter how much you emphasize the cold, it is hard for children to feel it. Only when she feels cold herself will she naturally put on her coat.
As Rousseau said: Reasoning with children is the most ineffective education.
Therefore, it is the best policy to reason with children, and sometimes it is also the best way to educate them.
Reasoning is also a two-way communication process. If there is only one direction to output in one direction, and the other side has no chance to speak, it becomes a kind of oppression, even an order.
Psychologist Piaget said: Children can only see the world from their own perspective.
Brain science research shows that it is useless to reason with a child before he is 3 years old!
As we all know, the brain is divided into left brain and right brain.
The left brain is responsible for logical thinking and is in charge of order and behavior; The right brain is responsible for thinking in images and is used to receive and interpret emotions.
Before the age of 3, the child's left brain is underdeveloped and has no ability to control his own behavior, which is easily controlled by his own feelings and emotions.
Therefore, it is often seen that children love to lose their temper, cry and even make trouble without reason, all because his left brain is not fully developed.
So why is it ineffective to reason with children under 3 years old?
Simply put, it is because children are too young to understand.
For example, when an adult sees a messy room, his most natural reaction is to clean it up, because the left brain of the adult will judge that the room is messy and needs to be cleaned up.
Therefore, we should not be surprised when we see all kinds of mindless stupid things done by Xiong Haizi again.
Children can't understand reasoning until they are 3 years old. Then why doesn't the child like to listen to reason when he is 5 years old, and he is even more disobedient?
I know, this makes many parents feel headache, because instead of listening to half a sentence, their children are becoming more and more rebellious.
In fact, children have self-awareness since they were 2 years old. He is resisting those who try to control him in this way.
A friend of mine complained to me that her son refused to brush his teeth, which seemed to be aimed at her on purpose. Every time the child is asked to brush his teeth, he not only cries his eyes out, but also keeps hitting his friends to show his resistance.
Just brushing my teeth. Why don't children refuse to cooperate?
At this time, blindly instilling without brushing your teeth will lead to tooth decay, which is ineffective communication for children. So if you say too much, you will be automatically blocked by your child.
Moreover, if you only reason with children for a long time and ignore their emotional needs, it will be difficult for children to become close to their parents. Over time, it will affect the parent-child relationship.
This has led many parents to vomit: the more they reason with their children, the more they don't listen, the more rebellious they are!
Therefore, smart parents never just reason with their children.
Then, if you don't reason with your child, how can you communicate with your child well and achieve the goal of educating your child?
Talking to a child requires skill, that is, you have to feel the same way with him.
Even sometimes you don't have to talk and guide her with your behavior, and she knows what to do.
Therefore, when a child is dissatisfied, angry and sad, all he needs is a hug from you. Don't preach, understand him from his point of view, support him and encourage him. Let's talk about those big things when they are in a good mood.
In Mom is Superman, I was deeply impressed by the way Huo Siyan and Uh-huh communicated with each other.
Mm-hmm. I accidentally stepped on a toy and hurt my foot. I burst into tears in an instant and even threw away the toy angrily.
Huo Siyan immediately went to ask if Uh-huh stepped on something, hugged him and said, "I know it hurts."
When the child's mood is slightly stable, she said to the child in a caring tone: "It hurts too much. I'm going to look at that thing. Let me show you what this is. "
Next, she told uh-huh, you can't throw toys around because you are angry, because you may hurt yourself and your mother again.
Finally, she stepped on the toy and said, "It hurts. I can fully understand your pain just now. "
When Uh-huh recovered completely, he asked three questions in succession: "Do you know where you stabbed me?" "Did you feel it just now?" "Do you think I'm bad?"
When the child threw away the parts, the mother did not educate and reason for the first time, but let the child vent freely. After the child's emotions calmed down, he also experienced the pain of being tied, so that Uh-huh understood that the tied things could not be thrown away in the future.
Imagine if Huo Siyan kept telling his son that it was wrong to throw things when he was crying, would the child listen?
When we encounter problems ourselves, we don't like to listen to a lot of truth, and we also hope that the other party can really understand ourselves, not to mention children with stronger emotional demands.
Although the child's mind is not mature enough, we need to decentralize appropriately and cultivate the child's independent ability.
In life, as long as it has little influence, we must respect children's choices and ideas.
For example, what to wear when going out can let him make his own decisions and allow him to have his own ideas and thinking.
It is better to be a guide, encourage children to do their own things and strengthen their sense of family responsibility.
Some parents are reasonable, often because they expect too much from their children.
Just as I want my daughter to wear more clothes in winter, this is my expectation imposed on her.
Many people often confuse their goals and expectations. Expectation is what you want others to do, and goal is what you can do.
Then what can I do to help my child fall in love with wearing a coat and not get sick?
For example, I can find out the root cause of children's unwillingness to wear clothes; You can also take your children to choose clothes, try on gloves and hats, choose the most comfortable ones and so on.
Only when I feel that my mother is not asking me, ordering me, but helping me, will children be more willing to get rid of bad habits!
Many times, parents always say that the more reasonable they are, the more disobedient their children are. In fact, the problem is not the children, but the parents have been only concerned about how the children make sense, rather than thinking about whether what they have done is reasonable.
Because education has never been a process of reasoning, but a process for children to experience.
The best way is for parents to set an example and demonstrate by themselves.
If children want to understand the truth, parents should talk less and act reasonably so that children can understand the truth.
In this regard, the writer Sydney's passage is particularly well summed up:
Want children to brush their teeth well? Enjoy the wonderful process of brushing your teeth;
Want to let the children concentrate on eating? A person enjoys the myriad flavors of food;
Want to stare at the children's homework? Pick up a book by yourself and enjoy reading;
Want children to love sports? Go downstairs and run twice by yourself.
What a child sees and feels determines his growth, not what his parents say.
See, experience, understand and internalize into his own truth.