In this process, you may experience collapse and disappointment, but more is happiness and a sense of accomplishment. Only by continuous learning can the road to parenting be on the right track.
In the process of parenting, besides having rich knowledge, it is more important to have a correct attitude. Before any road is opened, you should be mentally prepared. With a good attitude, you can succeed by 30%. Although the attitude sounds abstract and intangible, successful people have a strong heart if you really put your heart into it. Only in this way can you deal with all kinds of situations flexibly.
If in the process of raising children, you are always in a hurry and angry every minute, then even the best parenting method is useless.
Why do parents always feel anxious? 1. I don't know how to raise children. I hope my children are obedient and don't allow them to do other things. 3. No time to spend with children, leading to anxiety. 4. Children can't eat well and are anxious. 5. I am afraid that my child can't keep up with anxiety. 6. My child is introverted and anxious. 7. My children are too lively, naughty and restless. 8. I want to do a good job in parenting, but I always fail. Anxiety 9. Anxiety from all walks of life. In fact, many causes of anxiety seem insignificant, but they will make parents crazy again and again. Therefore, the focus is not on what they are anxious about, but on changing their anxiety mentality. Otherwise, even if the child is doing perfectly, parents always feel that they are not good enough and need to improve.
Especially about children's personality, parents of extroverted children hope they can be quiet for a while, and parents of quiet children hope they can be bold and lively.
Just like people inside and outside the besieged city, no matter how their children are, parents always want them to go in the opposite direction. You envy his children's intelligence, and he envies your children's liveliness. Everything in the world is like this, and what you can't get is the best.
In fact, children's shortcomings now may become shortcomings in the future. Parents should learn to look at problems from another angle. For example, children will become calm and calm when they grow up. Being naughty and active is a creative expression, so that children's social skills will be stronger and they will be easier to integrate into the new environment.
Naughty children are adventurous and independent, so parents should never be anxious when raising their children. They always want to change their children in a different direction and tear off their labels.
In particular, parents should not always talk about their personality characteristics in front of their children. For example, children are timid, naughty, introverted, careless, disruptive and inattentive. These are all "family hypnosis".
Children will think that their parents said so about me when they listened to it too much. I must be such a person. So as to be closer to this label.
Family education in China is often based on criticism. Parents are not good at praising their children since childhood, but talking about their shortcomings in front of others.
But in fact, if we can change the direction, whether in front of others or at home, and talk more about the advantages of children, children will grow towards the label of advantages over time.
An error of 1% means a failure of 100%. Ma Yun once said 100- 1 = 0, but everyone didn't believe him, so he wrote four simple math problems on the blackboard,1+1= 2,2+9 = 65438. When I wrote the last question, everyone said it was wrong. Ma Yun said, I wrote three questions right in front of me, and you didn't encourage me. Why do you feel embarrassed when I make a mistake?
That's what life is like. People always pay special attention to the right and wrong of things, but the right is taken for granted.
No matter how you treat children and things in life, you should be good at finding the good side. Don't just stare at shortcomings, so you won't be so anxious. Don't let the child's 1% mistakes blind parents and fail to see his 99% advantages.
Praise more and criticize less, talk more and talk less about individuals. Parental love should be unconditional. Don't always say to your child, "It's not easy for me to raise you so much. You have to do XX to repay me." "You are so disobedient, how can you be worthy of your parents' great upbringing?" "I love you only if you are obedient. "In fact, such conditional parenting can easily make children unwilling to be their true selves and need camouflage.
Parents are advised to tell their children "I love you no matter what you do" to let them know that their love for their children will not change because they are naughty, nor will they love their children because they get an extra certificate and a high score, but if they get a low score, they will not love their children.
Children are not afraid of losing their parents' love. Parents should make sure that no matter what kind of person their children are, they can be their strong backing and express it to their children. This is actually a psychological hint to myself. No matter how the children behave, I love them, accept their imperfections and accept their own imperfections. Over time, parenting anxiety will be alleviated.
The world itself is not absolutely perfect. 70% of children become bad because of their parents' excessive anxiety. As the law of attraction says, the more they are afraid of what they get.
The road to parenting is very long. Maybe the parenting methods learned today won't work immediately, but every good change is worth it. If the child cries, he will stop it immediately by threatening, but for the child, it is a psychological burden and a negative discipline.
It is better to understand the way of positive discipline and change it little by little. It may not be immediate at first, but it is good for children.
Many times, it is possible that only father or mother has learned parenting knowledge, but the family members don't agree or understand it, so don't worry. Don't have the idea of "I must be right, I want to do it well". There is no need to force others to be like themselves. It is necessary to gradually change the views of family members, including partners and the elderly, in a subtle way.
Children need time to adapt to a new method, and so do family members. In fact, children are also examining their parents to see if they have the perseverance to persist.