Cousin plays Lego with her 3-year-old son. My cousin and he are each in charge of a part of the plane. At first, they talked and laughed and had a harmonious atmosphere. However, the cousin found that the child's enthusiasm slowly began to fade. Even after seeing my cousin spell a part, she suddenly threw the unfinished part of her hand into the ground and pouted and began to lose her temper. It turned out that he saw that his cousin was much faster than himself and gave up in desperation.
Every child will face setbacks or even failures when growing up. It can be said that our growth is accumulated by failure. As parents, it is more important to teach your baby how to face failure than how to "chicken" her success.
Why is it important for children to learn to fail?
When children fail, we often say that failure is the mother of success. But it is difficult to tell children how failure leads to success. In fact, success is only the result of a series of failures. In a sense, failure is the process of children's growth. From turning over to walking, every attempt related to growth inevitably brings a lot of failures.
However, if children's emotions in the face of failure are not dealt with in time, the worst situation is to let children form a "fear of failure" mentality. Therefore, such children will only do what they are good at, and it is difficult to boldly try what they can't and don't understand and get out of the comfort zone. Like growing up, I blocked many intersections.
How to make the baby "can't afford to lose"
Everyone likes the joy of success, and so do children. In the face of children's persistent efforts in some small achievements, we can give appropriate support and not interfere too much. However, if children always cry and don't go to kindergarten because they can't get the first place and their parents don't pick them up first, it is very necessary for us to give correct guidance at this time.
A.？ Correct inappropriate praise methods
German educator karl witte said: It is not clever children who are praised, but praise that makes them smarter.
Proper praise can make a child become better and want to win more. Incorrect praise will make children unable to lose. Praise something specifically, such as "I washed my socks today, which is very good" and so on; You should praise your hard work rather than your talent, for example, "You are more serious and focused on building blocks this time, and your spelling is higher than last time, which is not bad." The wrong way to praise is, "My baby is amazing and great" and so on.
Xiaoxiao, a friend's five-and-a-half-year-old child, recently started to learn Go. At first, he was very active and interested in doing various exercises such as "double eating" and "cuddling". Later, the teacher arranged for the children to play one-on-one and laughed and won almost every set. After the victory, friends also praised it. "We are small but fine, so smart." .
Over time, Xiaoxiao became proud and didn't listen carefully in class. She thinks she will know everything the teacher says. When children start a turf competition, it is conceivable that the number of small losses is equivalent to the number of previous wins. I lost chess twice at a time, but I was depressed for a while. Later, I lost more times, and Xiaoxiao never wanted to touch Go again. Really, as a friend said, "If you lose, you won't learn."
The words "awesome" and "really smart" will make children feel that they are successful because they are smart. So "does losing mean I'm poor and stupid?" The consequences of this kind of self-denial are often more serious than we think. Therefore, when children behave well, we should praise them with growing thinking and praise their efforts for success.
For example, "Mix won the chess game, and I am as happy as you!" You listen carefully in class and practice hard. This is a good study habit. "Hard work is more valuable than talent.
B.？ Accept children's failures and emotions unconditionally.
Later, I lost a little chess, and my friend's practice was even more undesirable. The child was already depressed, but his friend blamed Mix. He didn't seek comfort from his parents, and his young heart was greatly hit.
We often say that home is the harbor of the soul, because parents are the people who will support us and help us at any time. When children encounter setbacks, if even parents can't seek comfort, who can help them?
As parents, we must first learn to accept the failure of our children. It should be noted that if you are duplicitous, tell your child on the surface that it doesn't matter, just keep working hard next time. Children are sensitive and sensitive, and it is easy to capture your true emotions.
Therefore, before educating children, we must first be ourselves and truly accept them, including his mistakes and failures. After that, we can help our children understand failure and try to accept it.
Teach children to see failure with "growth thinking"
Nick Looks Moore, a British psychotherapist, said, "It is harmful for children to endlessly protect them from failure. When the failure happens again, the child will feel ashamed, incomprehensible and even unacceptable. "
We should allow children to stay in their own failures for a period of time, but let them know that a failure does not mean that they are not excellent. After the child's mood has improved, we can talk to him about how to treat failure with "growth".
An experiment organized by American child psychology professors shows that whenever children break through their comfort zone to learn new knowledge and meet new challenges, neurons in the brain will form new and powerful connections, and over time, they will become smarter and smarter.
In my opinion, everything is inseparable from personal efforts. The world is full of interesting challenges to help us learn and grow. This is the "growth mentality". It is the child's failure to break through the comfort zone that constitutes the territory of his future success. Failure is not terrible, what is terrible is that all you get from failure is fear.
Children's long life can't always be smooth sailing, and more or less they will encounter setbacks and experience some failures. After failure, the child's attitude is very important. Is it more and more frustrated, or is it never recovered? This requires our parents to educate and guide their children correctly from an early age.
In fact, in the final analysis, parents should let their children know that everyone will fail, and no one is an exception. Successful people are not easily defeated by failure. They will learn from their failures, continue to work hard and strive for final success. Don't you think so?
In the morning, my mother came to talk:
A second-born mother who started writing in the early hours of the morning, I wrote down my heart by hand, and every bit was my parenting experience with my child. I hope my parenting experience can bring you some help. (The picture in this article comes from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please contact to delete it. )