During this time, I always like a person, or have to be alone. In fact, a person feels really good and quiet, but sometimes when he suddenly thinks of something, he will cry his eyes out.
When changing seats, I was lucky enough to draw a corner near the wall at the back. I think this seat really suits me, and it is not easy to be disturbed in the corner. I like this feeling. I opened the window wide, and the whistling wind poured in violently from the window. My long hair fluttered with the wind. The weather finally began to look like autumn, and the wind finally began to get a little cold. In my opinion, autumn is the quietest season, because leaves are quietly falling, the sky is quietly sad, flowers are quietly dying, and everything is quiet. This is a sound that we can't hear.
My heart is finally quiet, because I gave up thinking about some complicated things. I quietly think of those people who appear in my life in the corner, quietly think of my favorite words, and quietly describe those true stories on pure white paper. I always hope that I can write words that make people feel unbearable pain. Although a little cruel, I think there are actually many people like me. We don't want too much. All we want is those painful feelings, and then we will grow up in pain again and again, until one day we finally stop feeling pain, maybe we are no longer young.
Just now, I gave up thinking about some complicated things, and those complicated things are the college entrance examination. Yes, I gave up the college entrance examination. Although I am a senior three, I have persisted for so long. Although I am eager for college life, I think I am an easy-to-give-up person, and I have always been. I don't like studying. To be exact, I don't like this way of learning. I don't want to stick to what I don't like to do. I think this is a mistake. I chose science because liberal arts always remind me of nerds. I don't want to be a nerd. Now it seems that both arts and sciences are the same. At this stage of high school, every student is destined to be a nerd.
My life is very good now. As long as I think that I don't have to spend a lot of energy on math and physics anymore, I will feel very happy. The seat in the corner has become almost the whole world of my life. The towering textbooks blocked the teacher's sight for me, and I did whatever I wanted in a narrow space.
I have read many novels these days, and my friends say that I am very sad after reading them, but I feel nothing. In my opinion, all the painful endings are tragedies, and the only thing that really pains me is Jing M. Guo's words. Now I don't even bother to read novels. I just cover the teacher's nonstandard Mandarin with music, cover the black earplugs with long hair, lean my head lazily against the wall and close my eyes. Everything suddenly becomes full and empty.
Once infatuated with Jane Zhang's "If Love Continue" in a hoarse voice. For some reason, this song always gives me a feeling of being at a loss. I feel like I'm moving through the endless stream of people. Although I am busy, I feel lonely as never before. Memories seem to urge me to look for those lost years, but I see them getting farther and farther away from me and finally disappearing. I suddenly understood something. There are some things that we can't recover, and we can only deliver them to time.
Old songs from many years ago came from the loudspeakers in the street. "Your shadow is everywhere. People's thoughts are like a dust, which falls in the past and floats to the future. When it falls into their eyes, it will shed tears ... "
I stood there wandering, tears streaming down my face. Everything has become the past, and the past has long been blowing in the wind. You're long gone. ...
One day, I read the blog post "The Sound of the Waves Still" on this website. A comrade-in-arms said on the website of the old educated youth in Dangshan Orchard that he was thinking of Atao in Jiuquan. This is about me. But I didn't do anything but reply to a post in the comments. However, here comes my idea. I thought of the dull but precious experience I had with him. Thought of his mother. There is a bass song "Path" from the former Soviet Union in computer music. Desolate, tragic and confused. Brought me back to those lush years. However, the last song sung by the Black Duck Choir, Miss Old Mother, is sad, sad, tearful and sad. It makes my eyes moist and my heart uncomfortable. Bang, bang, a tear fell on the paper. This is really rare for me who cherish tears like gold. This prompted me to quickly record this touching story.
Speaking of comrade-in-arms Li Guotao, many old comrades know it. He is one year older than me and arrived at Dangshan Orchard one year earlier than us. Therefore, they have been strangers for a long time. Until something happened that made me notice him, know him and associate with him. But he wrapped himself up like a veteran. My neighbor Ding Xiyou is his good friend. He often comes to play and sits by my bed. We have known each other for a long time. Just a casual conversation. Later, I learned that his family conditions were poor, so I often thought about helping him. However, at that time, I was not so good. But he is too proud to accept any help.
In the company, he is also quite conspicuous. Is a person who has independent thinking, does not follow others' advice, and has unique views on problems. His views on many things, though ironic, are meaningful. It is a stubborn and lofty, skeptical eye, and it is not easy to believe people's habits. In the eyes of others, some of his ideas, statements and practices are strange or unique. In fact, this is a kind of dissatisfaction and protest against the management of labor reform at that time. He showed it in a cold and humorous way, and everyone felt the same way. Therefore, it is often greeted with laughter.
Atao is older than us, but we call him by his nickname. He doesn't care. This has a lot to do with his easy-going temper and handsome personality. This is what his mother calls him at home. After knowing him, I also met his mother. His mother is a typical Ningbo woman, delicate and elegant, with gray hair. She always has a Mimi smile on her face, and her authentic Ningbo dialect is crisp, round and nice. She is good at doing housework. Ningbo cuisine and snacks are excellent. Remember to visit relatives and go back to his home in Shanghai, which is after the Spring Festival. His mother still hides Chinese New Year's dishes and dumplings to entertain us. Especially a bowl of braised pork is really delicious! It is hard to forget! Tangyuan is also different from other families. At that time, there were few glutinous rice and it was rationed, so rice noodles were mixed. This garden is big and chewy. The lard and sesame stuffing are very fragrant, delicious and hungry. Unexpectedly, in the third year after returning to the city, his amiable and respectable mother died suddenly. Faced with this sudden blow, he was very sad. Tears all day, unable to control his emotions. When we went to see him, we seldom talked and sat silently. Many of our comrades attended the funeral. His crying is terrible. Eyelids are red and swollen. He cried and said, I'm not married, but I'm an orphan! How can I live! As he spoke, he bumped into his mother's coffin. Fortunately, everyone held on to it and didn't fall. However, I couldn't attend the tofu rice that night. I won't eat because I have to take the Advanced Mathematics exam the next day and review it in the evening. I didn't think I would go, and neither did the people who went with me. He lost two tables. He bears a grudge against me for it. From then on, he cut off contact with me and never heard from me again. But I didn't do well in the "Advanced Mathematics" exam this time. I was preoccupied with the scene of the memorial service. After seeing the benefits of his mother, I couldn't review it. People say that people are not as good as days! In other words, this meal must be eaten. This is the last meal related to his mother. It must be wrong not to eat it.
Time flies, this farewell has been more than twenty years! Therefore, most of my memories of him are during Dangshan Orchard Farm. As his home near the Bund was demolished, there was no way to find a new place to live. Just when everyone was helpless and desperate to give up, there was good news. With his wisdom and ability, Comrade Lu made the greatest efforts to find this problem. Finally, I learned that he lived in the far north. He is still poor and seems willing to be poor. Soon, the four of us went to his house to get together once, and we were very happy. His wife cooked a lot of dishes. Drink yellow wine and white wine. I talked a lot about people and things in the orchard. Finally, he stopped eating vegetables and ate up a big barrel of medicinal liquor. I haven't enjoyed myself yet, and I have to beg for wine. He is as interesting as ever. Say: I've eaten all this wine. Want more wine? I'm going to make a living! Don't! I gave up. From now on, we will call him at every party, and he never attends. We knew about him and gave up his money. However, his self-esteem is extremely high, and he has repeatedly stressed that he must go out, saying that they are two different things. But he didn't attend, so let's wait for a table. In hindsight, he always smiles and pushes things around. I remember once, I, Lu and the three of them got together. He was here once. He said a lot about him. He is in charge of all the property of this unit. He has a hard job and an average income. His son lived up to expectations and was admitted to a famous university without any extra tuition. He is party member, the Communist Party of China (CPC), and the president of the Student Union. My wife has retired early. Our conditions are slightly better than his, and we always want to help him. But he can't splash water. What should I do?
During his serious illness, Lu and I went to visit him together. Left some money together. Speaking of his illness, he also blamed himself for being too careless. Usually, the kitten never sees a doctor and takes some medicine casually, which eventually leads to a serious illness. The doctor said: that kind of cell eroded his body and lost the effective treatment opportunity. I saw him drinking a bowl of brown Chinese medicine juice brought by his lover. When I heard that we were going to Dangshan Orchard Farm. He stopped. Envy and helplessness are beyond words. Although, he muttered, "are you going?" Hey, I'm leaving! " How can this cover up his inner waves! However, only a few months later, he left his wife and son who was going to college and died!
Everyone's gone. The eastern world says to go to Buddha and die. Join in the afterlife, and the afterlife will be better. According to the western world, it is heaven, and there is heaven on earth.
Lu and I attended his memorial service. The relevant leaders of the Second Military Medical University delivered a eulogy, saying:-Respect the leaders, unite with colleagues, be easy-going, work conscientiously and responsibly, love reading and learning, live frugally and diligently, and do not pursue eating and drinking. Hearing this, my eyes are moist. This is just like Atao in the orchard! He's been like this all his life!
When his lover saw us, what he said most was how he talked about the people and things in the orchard before his death. How to miss the orchard? This is his true feelings about the orchard!
Legend has it that after death, the soul will fly into the heavenly palace and become a fairy. May the immortal Atao bless all comrades in Dangshan Orchard, live a long and healthy life, and be happy and safe, just as the sound of the waves remains the same!