Knowing the differences between the two sides, it is difficult for us to understand the relationship between family members. The key reason is that we are used to thinking from our own point of view, but forget that our parents' position is completely different from ours. Many parents think that their children belong to my family. Everything I do is for my children. How could he not listen to me? Yes, their intentions are good, but they should not use their experience to show what we should do. We often meet our parents' misunderstanding of our profession. Seven or eight aunts urged us to get married during the Spring Festival. Because they think they must do what they want at any age. They believe that this age should be married and have children, and the children's careers should not be changed at will, but should remain stable. These are all so-called valuable suggestions based on outdated experience and even knowledge accumulation that is not in line with the development of the times. This is a complete conceptual mistake. A good education should not let children realize their wishes, but should give them the freedom to grow up from the perspective of children, and let them become what they want to be, not what their elders want.
Respect each other's ideas? We and our parents grew up in different times, and many ideas can't be unified, but we can respect each other and understand each other's ideas. I will give you my own opinion, but I will also give you the ultimate right to respect your choice. You must do as I say, there is no other choice. This kind of family education means that you must obey the authority of my parents. You can't have your own ideas, let alone your own choices. We hate it because we are not respected, our true feelings are not valued, and what we want to do is not recognized and supported. So we must avoid this psychological appearance.
Understand how parents' anxiety arises. This process can be simply described as: in the face of many family problems, the work lacks progress, I can't find my own position, I am uneasy, and I can't solve myself well. What shall we do? Now that I have children, I have children of my own, but there is still hope for my children. That's why we often hear such a sentence: after all we have done for you, you must have a future. If you have a bad life in the future, you will be sorry for our efforts. How do you feel when you hear this? There is a kind of pressure in my heart. If you fail in the exam, you will feel sorry for your parents. This pressure actually comes from your parents' own identity anxiety. They indirectly convey their anxiety to you by saying what they expect of you.
This is the psychology of many parents. The pressure that should have been borne by themselves is now transferred to children, but they don't know that their expectations have changed their choices, which children can't bear. Children feel that their parents don't understand themselves, and parents also feel that their children don't understand their good intentions, which leads to mutual exclusion because of pressure. Parents should adjust their mentality to face their children, and children should understand their parents better. Only in this way can the contradiction between children and parents be eliminated.