example ......
Xiaowu, an enthusiastic mother, has a very beautiful son, Sam, who is of New Zealand descent. Although Xiaowu is a native of China, she has lived and worked in the United States for eight years. Therefore, she did not adopt the traditional domestic parenting methods, but took foreign parenting books as guidance. Xiaowu thinks that China's parenting method is not scientific at all, and she has never divided parenting by region so clearly. She said that she only adopted scientific parenting methods, regardless of East and West. Of course, in her view, due to the long-standing research in the field of parenting in western countries, the western concept of parenting is naturally scientific and her first choice.
Xiaowu has a profound understanding and experience of Chinese and western cultures and living habits. She thinks that the biggest difference between eastern and western parenting concepts is that China people are more satisfied with their children's food and clothing and don't bump into them. But I don't pay much attention to children's psychology. In the conversation with Xiaowu, what impressed me the most was a parenting concept that she advocated for a long time: "Let the children's needs be the masters."
"In fact, from the first day of the child's birth, he took his own eyes to observe and feel the surroundings. He definitely has his own ideas. He has his own development requirements emotionally. He needs his parents to communicate with him constantly. The educational misunderstanding of parents in China is that they always think that their children are born with a blank sheet of paper, on which they should draw patterns that they think look good. They don't respect their children's wishes and deprive them of their autonomy, which will make them lose confidence. " Whenever Xiaowu said that China's parents wouldn't let their children make a decision, she was very excited and her voice was very high.
Xiaowu is a volunteer of the International Breastfeeding Association, so the word "breastfeeding" is inseparable from her parenting philosophy. Until today, Sam has not been weaned. In Xiaowu's view, the benefits of breastfeeding can be tested for a long time. Xiaowu started from breastfeeding and implemented a new parenting style, allowing children to make their own decisions. Children can eat whenever they want and give as much as they want. Xiaowu said: "Whenever Sam wants to be suckled, no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will satisfy my child for the first time and let him know that he is loved.
When it comes to education, wizards follow the principle of "giving them fish instead of fishing". In other words, it is better to give him the ability to fish than to give him some fish. Therefore, Xiaowu never taught his children to read and recite Tang poems as early as China's parents did. Parents demand too much from their children's knowledge and skills, and don't pay enough attention to their children's emotional and psychological aspects, which makes them feel insecure and responsible.
Sam is now two and a half years old. He can only count from 1 to 10, and sometimes he says things like "12, 14". I once calculated "1 plus 1 equals 2"; Because I often read Elmo's ABC books, I know a few letters ... Although Sam belongs to the kind of "not very knowledgeable" children in China, I am not worried at all, because when he is old enough to know, he will know everything. But Sam is now more generous than his peers in China. He knows how to share his favorite things with others, whether it is toys or food.
Sam's most outstanding point is patience, perseverance, perseverance and independence. This is something that many children in China can't do, even children at school can't do. Because people in China are more about helping their children do everything well, which makes them lose the opportunity to exercise, and at the same time makes them lose confidence, so that they dare not move forward when they encounter difficulties, but wait for their parents' help. However, Sam's life has an extremely precious motivation, which can drive him to overcome difficulties, forge ahead and persevere. So sometimes I ask him to do what he insists on, as long as conditions permit, instead of hitting him. Sometimes I even indulge his stubbornness, because I want to protect his motivation and give him full freedom and confidence in this respect.
Serena: My children don't go to kindergarten.
Serena, an American, gave birth to her third child Margaret in China on Christmas 1999. She also has a nine-year-old son Thomas and a five-year-old daughter Catherine. Although both the eldest and the second were born in the United States, all three children grew up in China.
What Serena is most proud of is that all her three children are breast-fed, and almost all of them are fed by their mothers until they are two years old. Serena said that not all American mothers insist on breastfeeding. As far as she knows, only 60% of children in the United States breastfeed, and even fewer mothers let their children breastfeed until they are two years old. This is similar to China's mother. Serena, it's really hard to understand a mother who doesn't breastfeed.
Serena also has a very different view. Her nine-year-old son didn't go to kindergarten, and now he doesn't go to primary school. This is because Serena believes that children should spend more time with their mothers in childhood than kindergarten teachers. Children need maternal love, not more playing with children of the same age. At present, Serena is tutoring nine-year-old Thomas, and she plans to do the same for two other children.
When asked what she thought of China's concept of child-rearing, Serena said that she only felt that China was unfamiliar with confinement, but she didn't think there was any difference in the way of child-rearing between the East and the West.
Serena's family eats Chinese food, and they all speak Chinese. Although Serena came to China on 1990, and her three children grew up in China, she still brought up her children in the traditional American way, totally unaffected by China's parenting style. For example, diet, although children eat Chinese food cooked by their aunts at noon, they still eat steak and drink milk more often.
Bing Lv: Japanese children are closer to nature.
Bing Lv is a mother who has lived in Japan for 8 years and gave birth to a lovely son. She has a deep understanding of the differences between Chinese and foreign parenting styles.
The nurse bathed my son when he was born in the hospital. Before long, Bing Lv took a bath. But Bing Lv, who still has the traditional concept of child-rearing, took a bath on the third day. Nurses can't understand China's traditional concept of confinement.
When the child was over half a year old, Lu Bin's family returned to Beijing for work reasons, but when the child was in infancy, she still used Japanese nursing methods. What impressed Bing Lv the most was the difference in parenting ideas. She said: "The Japanese value children's will more. They exercise their children's will through the details of life, cultivate their strong toughness from an early age, and attach great importance to their physical fitness. When children are two or three years old, the Japanese let them play outdoors in shorts and skirts, even in the cold winter. This is beyond the comprehension of China people. When the weather is a little cold, we will put thick clothes on our children for fear that they will freeze and even worry that they will get arthritis when they are old. Japanese students have physical education class and their own activity clubs every day, so they have good physical fitness since childhood. Japanese society encourages children to be close to nature, and their children know many animals and plants, which is beyond the reach of children in China. "
Both Bing Lv and Xiaowu feel that foreign children are independent and imaginative, because they grew up in a free space. They are very active in thought and action. Yuanyuan, who has just become a mother, doesn't quite agree with the views of the above three overseas mothers.
Zhu Hongyuan: Western liberal education is not suitable for children in China.
The round son came into this world at the end of April this year. Three or four days after giving birth, Yuanyuan wanted to take a bath, but her mother refused to let her, and insisted on taking a bath after giving birth to a baby and aborting it (if it is a boy, 12 days means abortion), so Yuanyuan took a bath on 12 days. The child scrubbed every day before the full moon, and did not put it in the bathtub to bathe the child like the children of the above three mothers.
Yuanyuan is a young mother. Although she didn't follow the most traditional custom in China, she didn't adopt a purely westernized method. Yuanyuan has her own ideas about children's education. She believes that everything should not depend on the needs of children. Yuan Yuan said: "Children are like seedlings, and they cannot be allowed to grow freely. Parents should prune him from time to time and let him grow into a towering tree. " Yuanyuan does not agree with western liberal education. She believes that liberal education in the west makes children more lax. Although they have rich imagination, they may not even have some basic common sense. Yuanyuan is a teacher and often comes into contact with many foreign children. Once, she asked a Chinese Canadian child to draw a flower, but he said no. When the teacher asked him to draw a flower core first and then a few petals, the child still ignored it. In contrast, children in China are much more modest. Yuanyuan doesn't think that the western concept of parenting is scientific. She thinks that science should be defined according to her own situation, and she will choose the most suitable parenting method.
Today's discussion is not about which is the more scientific parenting concept between the East and the West, nor is it about asking Chinese mothers to blindly imitate western parenting styles, nor is it about asking foreign mothers to agree with China's traditional parenting styles. Today we will introduce four very special mothers and share their parenting methods with you. No matter which way China's mother chooses, or which mother she agrees with, it is not our purpose today. We just hope that when mothers choose parenting methods, they should choose those scientific ideas according to their own situation and abandon those parenting methods that are not suitable for our lives at all.