Parents think provocation is much more useful than encouragement. Criticism and accusation will make children work harder and make them reflect on their mistakes, while encouragement will only make them complacent and unaware of their mistakes, let alone correct them.
Although the parents' starting point is good, this method of only urging and not encouraging has caused a deep psychological shadow to the children. In fact, children want encouragement and praise more than criticism.
They will feel warm when they hear their parents' encouragement and think that their parents still have hope and sustenance for them. However, if parents criticize their children and always compare them with others in a provocative way, they will put too much pressure on their children and even think that their parents don't love themselves.
At this time, in order to gain the love of parents, children will be more eager to make some achievements, which often backfire, and their achievements will plummet, leading to depression, even inferiority, autism and obvious tendency of world-weariness.
Parents are not urging, but forcing their children! Bian Xiao has a friend named An An. Ann's daughter is ten years old this year. A child as big as Jingjing is lively, cheerful and helpful, quiet but timid. They hide in the room all day and secretly cry. They are always very resistant and afraid of some new things, and feel inferior and autistic. A few days ago, they were diagnosed with depression by doctors.
In fact, when I was young, I was a very cute and outgoing child. People will greet each other sweetly, which is very popular with relatives and neighbors. However, Ann has a high demand for silence.
Whenever a child fails to meet his own expectations, such as winning the second place in the exam, An An is very angry. He always forces his children to study in a provocative way and calmly says, "Why are you so stupid that you just can't get the first place in the exam?" I shouldn't have given birth to you! Look at the children in the neighborhood. They are much better than you. "
An An not only insulted Jingjing, but even sometimes An An was so angry that she hit the child. At first, I would quietly resist, or apologize to my mother and say it won't happen again. But over time, I became numb and my grades plummeted.
Finally, Ann found that when she was free, she would hide in her room and secretly cry. She asked quietly what was going on, but she didn't speak. Ann is even more angry, thinking that she always deliberately opposes herself.
In the end, I can't communicate with other people normally at all. When I see An An, I am very scared, anxious, tired of learning, and even suicidal.
An An felt that Jingjing had psychological problems, so she found a psychologist to help Jingjing, but the psychologist said Jingjing had suffered from severe depression and needed to drop out of school for treatment. Ann feels very regretful. He tried to make up for his silence, but it was too late. He had to pay for his mistake.
What children need is not your "stale" encouragement, but your sincere encouragement! A famous American educator once said, "I can't find a better way to educate children except praise and encouragement." Our parents all know the importance of praise, but few people know the importance of encouragement, let alone how to encourage children.
And in life, why encourage children more? Today we will talk about the importance of encouraging children more.
1. It is a catalyst for strong self-confidence.
Parents sincerely give their children a lot of encouragement, which is a catalyst for their children to have strong self-confidence. When the child fails, don't ridicule the child, but sincerely encourage the child and teach him the methods and abilities to overcome difficulties.
When the next challenge comes, children will have strong self-confidence to face difficulties and challenge them. It can be said that encouragement is a good medicine for success. As parents, we should not be stingy with our encouragement.
We should let our children feel the love of their parents. When children lose confidence in the face of difficulties, as parents, we should encourage them to continue to overcome difficulties, open their closed hearts and sail, so that they can face and overcome difficulties and setbacks with a positive and optimistic attitude.
In addition to verbal encouragement, we can also give children some material rewards to motivate them to complete the challenge. You should know that children need encouragement when they succeed, so that they can go further.
Children should be encouraged when they fail. For example, if the child failed to achieve the expected results in this exam, parents can affirm the child's efforts, the child's serious attitude towards things and so on.
2. Make children full of positive energy
Parents can also inspire their children by setting an example and let them know politeness, honesty and shame from an early age. For example, when they see the elderly on the bus, as parents, we can take the lead in giving up our seats to the elderly and set some good examples for our children.
You can also encourage children to give up their seats to the elderly and let him feel the joy of helping others. After all, parents are children's first teachers. I believe that the example of parents will have a subtle influence on children's psychology, so that children's hearts are full of positive energy and benefit the society.
Step 3 study happily
If parents encourage their children more, they can get more interest in learning, so they can get happiness from learning. Because parents' praise will make children look forward to it, in order to get more praise from parents, children will work harder and study harder than before.
Through such encouragement, parents can convey their trust in their children, both in ability and personality. This feeling of being trusted is a kind of benign information, which will give children a great upward thrust, give them the strength to overcome the difficulties and challenges they will encounter all the time, and make up their minds to do their best.
4. Let your children know your expectations.
When the child fails, parents encourage the child more, which is actually a kind of care for the child, so that the child can understand his parents' expectations better and know that his parents love him and have not given up on him.
If his parents just blame him coldly, he will feel that he has no affection and love at all, and think that his parents no longer love him, thus becoming passive towards Nuo Nuo, and may even become a "flattering personality", which will delay the child's life.
Children who are often encouraged always exude charming charm! 1. Sunshine confidence
Children who are often encouraged will be sunny and confident. However, self-confidence is not innate, but gradually formed through life experience and established with the constant encouragement of parents. Without encouragement, children can't build full self-confidence.
When children encounter problems every time, we can give them some suggestions, give them courage and encourage them to try. Even if the child will experience failure in it, the encouragement of parents will make the child feel excellent and confident.
The more frustrated, the braver.
If children are often encouraged by their parents, even if things fail, they will not be discouraged, but will make them more frustrated and brave.
Because children will think that parents' meeting is their strong backing, even if they fail, parents will always support their children, and will continue to encourage them and give them some suggestions to help them succeed.
In the process of children's experience, with the encouragement of parents, children will become more and more confident.
3. Full of positive energy every day
Parents often encourage their children and make them full of positive energy every day. Children who are encouraged will treat things around them positively every day and maintain an optimistic attitude towards life.
Moreover, the child's positive energy attitude will also infect friends around the child and bring them positive emotions. Children will also get the attention of others because of their positive energy, making themselves more brilliant.
4. Be more optimistic about life
Children who are often encouraged are more optimistic about life. Even in the face of setbacks, they can adjust themselves quickly and will not give up on themselves. Because they have learned to encourage themselves and adjust themselves, they will cheer themselves up and say that they are the best.
And they will not be blindly optimistic, but will seriously find out the reason for this failure and will not make it again next time.
And if a child who is often criticized and compared will be infinitely magnified in the face of a little setback in life, he will think that he is as incompetent as his parents said and can't be a successful person. In fact, his ability can be fully stimulated, as long as parents encourage their children and give them correct guidance.
Parents should never use provocation to raise their children again! It is necessary to know that although the starting point of provocation is good, the harm caused to children is irreparable. Children will become timid and self-abased, and what's more, they will become autistic and world-weary, pessimistic all their lives, afraid to challenge and dare to climb the peak. As parents, we must encourage our children to become sunny and confident and more optimistic about life.