Valenda, a famous American high-altitude tightrope walker, accidentally fell off the 10-meter-high tightrope during a major performance and died. His wife said afterwards, "I knew something would happen this time, because he always told himself before going on stage that this time was too important to make mistakes." And this mentality of always being too swayed by considerations of gain and loss in order to achieve a certain goal is the so-called "Valenda effect".
1, parents' high expectations
As parents, of course, they want their children to "expect their children to succeed", but it is precisely because parents expect too much from their children that they will have the psychology of "can't afford to lose" When parents have high expectations for their children, children usually force themselves to do their best in order not to disappoint their parents.
It is precisely because of this "fear of failure" mentality that children are often more likely to face failure. Parents give their children too high expectations, and this pressure will not be turned into motivation, but will become an obstacle to their progress. This vicious circle also has a negative impact on children's growth.
2. Parents' repressive education
In order to make their children progress, many parents will force their children to make progress by "suppressing their children". However, everyone's abilities and strengths are different. Parents don't pay attention to the development of their children's advantages, but will blindly deny their children's advantages and laugh at their shortcomings, which will only make them less confident.
If children's self-confidence is damaged to a certain extent, it will become more difficult to face failures and setbacks. Children's self-confidence cannot be established, and they are always timid in whatever they do. Therefore, as parents, don't always judge children by their own standards, let alone educate them by "repression".
3. Unrealistic praise from parents
In addition to parents' "suppression education", some unrealistic praise will also lead children to face setbacks directly. Many times, parents hope to cultivate their children's self-confidence through praise, but this unrealistic praise will only bring more pressure to their children and is not conducive to their healthy growth.
Not only that, parents praise their children too much without considering their own strength, which may also lead to their conceit and pride. Children who grow up in this environment are usually unwilling to accept criticism from others and have no courage to face some blows and setbacks.
1, learn to face up to success and failure
If children want to have the courage and ability to face setbacks, they must first learn to face up to success and failure. In the process of children's growth, it is inevitable to encounter some setbacks and failures. It also helps children learn to face every success and failure with a correct attitude.
Parents should educate their children not to be proud when they get good grades, and encourage them not to be discouraged when they face failure. Only by learning to face up to success and failure and keep a good attitude at all times can we face the storms and challenges of life with greater courage.
2. Encourage children appropriately.
Many times, even if children make a lot of efforts, it is inevitable that they will fail. At this time, parents should encourage their children appropriately, affirm their efforts and efforts, and help them rebuild their self-confidence.
"Failure is a common occurrence in military strategists", no one will succeed forever, and no one will fail forever. When children are hit hard by failure, parents should encourage them appropriately and tell them that although the result is not satisfactory, the process is often more important. Parents should also give their children due recognition for their efforts.
3. Cultivate children's autonomy.
Nowadays, many parents habitually regard their children as "flowers in the greenhouse". No matter what difficulties the child encounters, parents will stand up for the child at the first time and solve all problems for the child. And children who grow up under this kind of wrong education often don't have independent ability.
If children want to have the courage to face setbacks, parents should first learn to let go and let their children learn to solve some difficulties by themselves. In daily life, children can also be encouraged to do what they can. In this process, not only can children's ability be improved correspondingly, but also help to cultivate their courage to face setbacks.
Ma Xuan taught the problem of parenting. Family education should be well studied and children should be healthy. I'm @ Ma Xuan Parenting Hall to help you solve your little parenting troubles (the pictures are all from the Internet, but they have been deleted).