Demjan is very hospitable. One day, a friend came to see him from afar. Demjan was very happy. He personally cooked a dish for his friend-a big basin of delicious fish soup.

His cooking is really good, and his friends praised him after drinking a bowl of soup. Demjan was even happier, so he advised his friend to have another bowl.

After drinking the second bowl of soup, my friend felt a little annoyed. Demjan didn't see it and began to persuade him to drink the third bowl.

The host refused, and so did his friends, but before the third bowl was finished, Demjan offered to help him add two more spoonfuls.

My friend finally couldn't bear it, left the bowl and left, never to visit again. ...

Does this story also remind you of the elders who have been persuading you to eat vegetables? Then your mood at that time was like that of a child who didn't hear the teaching.

That is the so-called "overrun effect" in psychology-if the external stimulus is too much, too strong or too long, it will make people impatient and even have psychological rebellion.

Those misconceptions about parenting.

There is a TV series in Singapore called "Children Are Not Stupid", which contains a very interesting sentence:

"Adults often think that talking to us a lot is communication. In fact, they are talking about themselves, they are cool. "

There is also such a scene in the play. At the gate of a school, a mother and son stand out.

The little boy was skipping out of the school gate and running to his mother happily, but when his mother saw him, her first reaction was:

"Oh my god, where did you rub so many dirty things! The new clothes I just bought are too dirty. How to wash it when I go back? "

Mama Barabara ... said a lot of things, and the boy's smile suddenly stopped. Mother wiped his clothes and "chanted" in his ear:

"I told you to be careful. How did you promise me yesterday? I shouldn't have bought you new clothes! This is very expensive. I said I wouldn't buy this. Do you like it better ... "

At first, the boy accepted criticism with an open mind, but his mother couldn't stop, watching the child grow numb, as if his soul had drifted away.

Many parents will fall into such a misunderstanding when educating their children-talking back and forth and going online at every turn.

"I tell you, if you don't study hard, you won't find a good job in the future."

"If you don't study now, you will only be sad in the future!"

"Learning is too important, son. Knowledge changes fate! "

"Look at your cousin, how good it is to work now after graduating from college!"

"You should study hard and learn from excellent people!"

"If you don't understand at school, you should take the initiative to ask the teacher, do you know?"

……

Scientific research shows that most children don't get bored when their parents say it for the first time, but feel guilty and introspected about some critical words.

However, when parents start the second bombing, the third bombing and the fourth bombing, children's boredom will start to multiply in the form of a square until it becomes rebellious.

Especially for some of their own "mistakes" caught by their parents, it will only make children feel that it is impossible to change them all anyway. If you change it, you will nag others and let you talk enough.

This is simply the normal life of every family. The reason why the "over-limit effect" often appears in family education must have its deep-seated reasons, such as the conflict between children's independent consciousness and parents' constraints.

We know that with the growth of age, people's self-awareness is gradually awakening. Looking back a little, you will find that after the baby learns to speak, what he says most is "I don't want it!" "Don't!" Wait a minute.

This is also a question that many parents are puzzled about-how can this child grow more and more disobedient?

Parents have failed to grasp the "scale" of education and blindly want to win by "quantification", but it is too late.

What's more, parents who are self-centered and express their views on their children's current wrong behavior without considering their psychological feelings.

There is nothing wrong with wordiness, but it is fatal when you get older.

In the history of China, courtiers always suffered misfortune for various reasons, among which this man in the Ming Dynasty was the most wronged.

Confucian Tai Su was an important official in the early Ming Dynasty, and was trusted by Zhu Yuanzhang as assistant minister of rites.

However, Ru Taisu, a Woodenhead, has a serious pedantry, so he is very verbose in both speech and writing the paper.

On one occasion, Ru Taisu presented a letter to Zhu Yuanzhang, with 17000 words, which made Zhu Yuanzhang feel dizzying and could only be read to himself by eunuchs.

However, to Zhu Yuanzhang's surprise, when the eunuch read almost half, the throne had not yet entered the topic.

I was so angry that Zhu Yuanzhang immediately called Ru Tai Su into the palace and ordered him to be beaten and dragged out of the palace, which was a punishment for wasting his time.

Not to mention the ancients, even now, there are many couples who break up or divorce because of one party's chatter, and no one can stand talking too much, let alone children.

However, if you stop nagging, will the children really listen?

Let's look at a classic nagging scene, which is also the biggest headache for parents-let the children pack their toys.

Teacher Wu Zhen, the founder of Youjia Education, taught a wonderful trick to make children consciously, voluntarily and even fall in love with packaged toys:

In the first step, you can say to your child, "I have a very important thing to do now, but I don't know how to do it." Will you help me? "

The second step is to continue to say to the child: "Will you teach your mother to pick up the toys? Mom doesn't even know where their home is. Will you tell mom? " "You should clean up slowly, or your mother can't keep up with you."

The third step, even if the child has taken the initiative to clean up the toys, and it is faster than before. You should also be a little disappointed: "Oh, how did the baby do it?" ? All the toys have gone home so soon! "

Sometimes, parents take a step back and change their thinking and methods to show their incompetence. On the contrary, children will get more growth from their parents' incompetence.

This is also common in many parenting issues. To sum up, there are no more than two principles: giving children full respect and freedom within the rules.

Raising children is a slow process. The more anxious and nagging you are, the less you can keep your child's ears.

Next time you want to preach to your child, ask yourself:

What I want to say is for the purpose of educating children, not venting my negative emotions?

Can this way really make children hear clearly, understand and listen to their own hearts?

How would I feel if someone told me this?

After solving these problems, I believe that no matter what parents say, they will not become useless nonsense in their children's ears.

May every child be treated well!