"In the first three years of a child's life, did I do the right thing?
Under my guidance, can she maintain a strong desire to explore, and has her concentration been destroyed?
Is she good at studying? Does she flinch when she encounters difficulties or does she try to solve the problem by herself? Can she always maintain a confident and healthy attitude? "
In fact, the first three years of a child's life are very important to him, whether in the development and perfection of the immune system, in the sound development of personality, or in the all-round development of IQ and EQ. It is no exaggeration to say that every day is very important for the baby.
1
Pay attention to the sensitive period before the age of 3.
Follow the child's nature
I don't know that children from 0 to 6 years old have various sensitive periods. It is against the child's nature to reprimand the child's performance in the sensitive period, causing his pain and leaving psychological hidden dangers.
Children aged 0-6 have various sensitive periods. The so-called sensitive period refers to:
In the growth process of 0-6 years old, children, driven by internal vitality, repeatedly operate an action or learn a certain ability within a certain period of time, and their learning ability is particularly strong.
There are sensitive periods of attachment formation, oral sensitivity, hand and foot sensitivity, language sensitivity, subtle things sensitivity, skin touch sensitivity, stubbornness and perfection sensitivity, order sensitivity, mathematics sensitivity, painting sensitivity and so on.
Oral sensitive period
It lasts a little more than a year after birth, which is a sensitive period of oral cavity. No matter how adults stop it, children always put their hands in their mouths and eat with relish.
Adults should never stop children because they think they are unclean, otherwise they will leave psychological hidden dangers.
What adults need to do is to ensure that things at the door are clean, and it is best to provide different things for children to explore with their mouths!
Children at this stage explore the world with their mouths. If they get through it, they will never chew anything except food with their mouths again.
Some children still can't get rid of the habit of sucking their fingers or other things after entering kindergarten and primary school, and even extend to other bad behaviors, such as eating snacks, spitting and swearing! To some extent, it is related to the poor oral sensitivity period.
Limb sensitive period
Overlapping with the later oral sensitive period is the hand sensitive period. I like throwing things with my hands, digging holes with my fingers, and even hitting people during the sensitive period of my hands (in fact, from a child's point of view, I'm just practicing my arm muscles).
Overlapping with the late sensitive period of the hand is the sensitive period of the leg, and sometimes two or three sensitive periods often cross at the same time.
Sensitive period of real right consciousness
Children over two years old often say "this is mine" and "that is mine" when they enter the sensitive period of property rights consciousness, and refuse to share anything with others, even their mothers can't get their own things.
Dear mom and dad, don't think children are selfish. You must find a way to solve this problem. In fact, this is an exercise in the ownership of property rights. By confirming the ownership of goods, we can recognize his relationship with goods.
Foreign education experts often say that the philosophy of two-year-olds is "mine, mine, everything is mine". We should also understand the children's behavior at this stage, rather than arbitrarily labeling.
The way to get through the sensitive period of real right consciousness smoothly is not to be serious with the child when his performance is particularly obvious. This time will take about three or four months (depending on the child's situation).
Then find the right opportunity, that is, when other children share toys with their own children, remind him:
"Are you happy that the child gives you toys to play with?" Wait for him to nod and tell him, "You give toys to others to play with, and they are also very happy".
You can stop here, don't force the child at once.
After repeating this several times, let him try to give the toys to other children. Through practice, he knows that toys belong to him. After sharing it with others, he will still get it back, and everyone will be happy to share it with others, so that he will gradually be willing to share it. Most children enter the sharing stage around the age of three.
Note 1:
Children who are in a period of strong awareness of property rights confirmation, adults should never tease their children, grab things from their hands, make them cry, and then humiliate them "You are so stingy!" This is absolutely unacceptable behavior!
Note 2:
When children can share, give us something to eat, and we must accept it. Don't say, "I'm kidding, I won't eat, you eat." This is to refuse children to share, which will bring disappointment to children. Children will associate sharing with disappointment, and they will not enjoy the happiness of sharing, and gradually they will not want to share.
other
Children aged three or four enter a sensitive period of order, perfection and obstinacy. Adults break off a piece of cake for children. Children will cry and refuse to accept it. Adults should never think that children are selfish. It is the perfect sensitive period that we destroy the children's sense of circle.
Other sensitive periods have their own performances. For example, when you are five or six years old, there is a sensitive period of worship, a sensitive period of marriage, and so on. Only by letting the children pass smoothly and naturally can you maintain a healthy attitude.
2
Don't "teach" until you are three years old.
Demonstration is the key.
Mistakenly treating knowledge infusion as early education always causes children's resistance with "teaching".
It is often said that the most important period is before the age of three. This period is not to let children learn much knowledge, but the most important period of psychological growth. Psychological growth is an important part of early education, and healthy psychology is the source of lifelong happiness.
In this period, children were spoiled, children were the center, children were allowed to eat alone, everything was arranged for him, he was not respected, his material needs were easily met in advance, and his inner feelings were ignored. This way of attaching importance to material satisfaction and neglecting spiritual nourishment can only cultivate an unhealthy and dependent child.
Don't teach children, just demonstrate. Many people may think that I am talking nonsense about not teaching children. I didn't understand this statement at the beginning of my contact. After two years of experience, through a lot of observation and practice, I realized that children are really not "taught".
For example:
The guest greeted the baby, but the child didn't respond. Adults usually urge them to say, "Call, why not call aunt?"? Why didn't you answer? You should call aunt, that's what you are. " This is teaching, and teaching will put pressure on children.
If you blame while teaching, it will torture your child even more. We just need to imitate the tone of the child and respond: "Hello, Aunt!" Or "Goodbye, Aunt!" "Thank you, Grandma, I have eaten." Wait a minute. This is a demonstration, not a teaching.
Children with flexible fingers can start practicing wearing shoes in about 18 months. If the child wears the shoes backwards, most parents will say, "Wrong, wrong left and right." Right or left?
As far as the baby's ability is concerned, there is no right or wrong. Telling him that he is wrong will put pressure on him, and our tone of voice will make him nervous: What's the matter, why is mom's tone so bad? Just tell the child calmly: "Change the two shoes."
This is the right way to tell him, and that's enough. Don't teach him that this is the left side and that is the right side (the child's brain is very simple, just accept the correct instructions, it is too complicated for him to accept). According to my experience, after a month or two of prompting, children will wear shoes, which can't be wrong.
When operating toys, as long as you demonstrate "baby, watch mom do it", mom will slow down and show it.
After that, give the child time and opportunity to adjust the operation repeatedly, don't disturb him, and don't endlessly remind him "no, it's not like this" when he makes a little mistake.
In this way, children lose the opportunity to internalize external information, and their concentration is destroyed by us! What we should do is to wait patiently for him to adjust himself and never criticize him. With enough love and respect, children even have the ability to educate themselves.
If you teach everything, once no one teaches you, you will lose your direction. Often children's autonomous learning ability is lost in our teaching.
three
To walk, climb first.
Mountain climbing is healthier.
Never use a walker! Be sure to let the children crawl!
A walker is harmful to the baby's health. Learning to walk needs to overcome huge psychological obstacles and master the skills of keeping balance. The walker doesn't need to be so troublesome, it can easily slip away with a touch.
This makes it difficult for children to overcome psychological barriers and adapt themselves to the difficult process of learning to walk. This is why children who use walkers learn to walk more slowly.
Another situation is that the foot muscles of children who use walkers are shaped into toes, and it often takes parents a long time to let their babies learn to land on the whole foot. Using a walker, the chances of children crawling are greatly reduced.
Many old people are often proud that "my grandson doesn't have to climb, but walks directly." How interesting! " They don't know that human beings must crawl and develop to be healthy.
Children who can't climb have poor physical coordination, which affects their life and sports. Dysplasia of vestibular nerve will affect reading and writing in the future, and will also hinder the development of language.
four
Correctly handle children's crying
Children need to understand more.
Correctly handling children's crying emotions is the beginning of building a good character.
Joy, anger, sadness, joy and fear are all normal emotional expressions given to human beings by God. We adults always like happy things and are often troubled by crying.
It is a big mistake for us to feel the child's crying patiently instead of saying "don't cry, don't cry" to the child.
Crying is the release of his inner conflicts, not a bad thing. Adults just need to gently hug him and touch his back. The first sentence says, "Oh, honey, mom knows ... (what just happened) and you are very sad. Mom understands you. " "Oh, honey, mom knows you're hurt, and you're still a little scared."
This is empathy, which means that we understand him and accept his sadness, which is the beginning of adjusting his mood.
The second sentence must say "Mom knows you are unhappy (which is very important)", so that he will be happy soon. The third sentence is "Mom loves you and understands you". Finally, it is best to take three deep breaths to let the child exhale unpleasant emotions.
If you learn this, your child may run to find a little friend with tears on his face. I have tried this method again and again, and it is very effective. People often laugh at me. After all, I do early education. It's good for the child to let you coax. In fact, this method is not coaxing, but empathy. )
When we are raising a little boy, we often say, "Son, why are you crying!" " "Shame on people, boys still cry!"
When a boy releases his childhood sadness, he is often stopped by adults. Growing up slowly, I don't know how to release my sadness and how to express my love. Therefore, it is hard for a husband to say that he loves you. I believe many wives feel the same way.
In other words, such a boy will definitely not be able to communicate well with his wife when he enters marriage as an adult, which will affect the quality of marriage.
Please think about it, mom and dad. If your son may be unhappy in his future marriage, will you stop the little boy from crying? Please accept his sadness unconditionally! There's no shame in boys crying!
Once a few months old baby cries, we often rush over with "coming" in our mouth. This is not good. Children will develop the psychology of controlling adults, and should say in a relaxed and gentle tone, "Are you hungry?" Mom is coming. "
Once the child struggles to cry and refuses anything, he should use the voice of compromise "Oh, oh, oh, no, no". In fact, he should say in a gentle tone, "Well, not now. We'll do it later."
Don't let children feel that they can control adults by crying and do whatever they want. Many times, the implementation of educational methods should be good at observing and summarizing, rather than generalizing.
five
How to deal with children hitting people?
The child didn't mean it.
Why do two-to three-year-old children love to hit people more and more when they stop? Because aggression is a necessary process for most children to grow up.
Most children aged two to three often hit people. Adults should never say "Don't hit people". "Why did you hit someone again?" It's useless.
This makes children think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and more and more beating actions appear repeatedly.
Many times, because the child is in the sensitive period of his mouth, hands and feet, he is keen to explore the world and know things with his mouth, hands and feet. The scope of exploration will certainly include other people's bodies, so there are attacks such as "biting", "hitting" and "kicking".
Another reason is that he has not mastered the method of interpersonal communication. When his words can't express his thoughts correctly, he often hastily replaces them with impactful body movements.
He may just mean "get out of my way" and "don't touch my things", but he has reached out and pushed me or robbed me before he said it.
Some children are seriously insecure and vent their bad feelings by attacking others, or want to attract their parents' attention. What adults should do is not to label him as "you are a bad boy and can hit people", as long as it is not strengthened, apologize to the parents and children of the other party when he hits people, hug their children in time, stop him from continuing to attack and leave quietly.
At the same time, adjust the time with your child in time to give him full comfort. Children at this stage are reasonable 100% is useless.
At the same time, the parents of the children affected must be calm. Don't think your children are bullied. Many children communicate through physical collision. Understand that the other child didn't mean it, or there is something wrong with morality.
If you think that your child is bullied, it will make the child develop a bullied character and will be bullied all his life.
When I go home, don't tell my family that my child was beaten, so that my child will feel that I am easily beaten. He will feel that he has something that others don't like, which will form a timid character.
The correct way is to accept the apology of the other parent and say to the child, "You are a good boy, I know you just want to play with our baby (you can change the word according to the situation), so you two shake hands."
After the age of three, the child is sensible. If he still beats others, he should deeply explore the reasons for his beating (whether there is domestic violence, etc.). ), eliminate the root cause, and tell him "no" every time he attacks others.
Note that I used "no", not "don't call". Don't add negative information. As long as the child has negative behavior, the first principle is to dilute and then dilute! Don't strengthen!
Children naturally like to try and repeat behaviors that can produce interesting and exciting results and attract adults' attention. The correct way is to make the consequences meaningless, and he naturally gives up.
six
Language threats are unacceptable.
Positive words are more powerful.
We often unconsciously send a lot of negative and negative information to our children!
Don't tell others about your child's "bad behavior" in front of him. For example, many mothers often say "he is so timid!" in front of guests. "He just doesn't like it!"
In this way, you are implying to your child that you expect him to be such a person. He will achieve the result in the direction you expect: he must be more and more timid and less and less fond of eating.
The suggestibility of language is enormous.
If you pretend to tell others secretly, but let the children hear: "Do you know that our baby is brave when playing on the swing today!" " "You know, my baby ate a full bowl of rice by himself today."
This will send a message in the child's heart: "Ah? Mom said I was brave? Is it? Well, I will be braver tomorrow! " "Ah, mom is so happy, ok, I'll eat another big bowl tomorrow." This is a positive suggestion, which can directly reach the child's subconscious and has a great influence.
Don't threaten your child. "If you make trouble again, mom won't want you." This is the greatest threat and the deepest fear.
Because the young child left home, he couldn't survive. The mother's cold violence against the child's language is the beginning of the child's bad personality. The correct statement is: "Please be quiet, mom loves you!" " Don't say anything that makes the child feel that all external things will hurt him.
Special emphasis: resolutely put an end to saying the following words: "Don't make any noise, or the police will come again." "If there is any more trouble, the doctor will come for an injection." "Go to sleep, the wolf is coming." If you don't threaten your child like this, he will be natural and graceful, lively and cheerful, healthy and confident when he goes out.
note:
Never play a malicious joke on your child. "Your mother doesn't want you, and she won't come to pick you up.". You must keep away from people who say such things to children. This kind of joke is very bad, which is extremely unfavorable to the construction of children's sense of security.
seven
Set the boundary correctly
Help children obey the rules.
Don't say "obedient" to children, let children obey the rules happily, internalize the rules into their hearts, and become the belief that he will abide by all his life.
In China's family education and social order, various codes of conduct can be seen everywhere, but few people abide by them. Why? Are China people born unruly? Is it because we don't behave in the process of education? Definitely not.
With going abroad and going to the world in recent years, we see that there is such a big distance between us and world civilization. As long as there is no supervision, we will foul and take our chances. "No one should have seen it?" Why on earth is this?
In western developed countries, most people believe in God. I can't do anything that hurts my conscience. God will see it. This has been deeply rooted in people's hearts. Therefore, there is no ticket inspector at the entrance of the German subway station, and many foreign supermarkets weigh their own prices. Unconditional return is an international practice.
And we grew up under the supervision of others. When I was a child, I listened to my parents at home and was always reminded not to do this and that. At school, we listen to the teacher and obey this and that. Children never have the opportunity to judge for themselves, and should obey the rules spontaneously in the process of self-growth.
Influencing rules is the bottom line for children to test us, and it is actually the beginning of obeying rules. We should be tolerant and remind him "what you have forgotten", instead of criticizing him and putting pressure on him. ("How did you forget" can't be said. The word "how" will put pressure on children and mean blame. )
At the same time, we should fully respect children's spontaneous exploration behavior.
When the child's spontaneous exploration behavior is respected by us, he will begin to abide by the rules we set for him, that is, he will learn to obey others intelligently. At this time, the dawn of discipline will appear and the rules will be internalized.
This internalized rule will accompany the child all his life, and it is very pleasant and easy to abide by it.
eight
What about children grabbing toys?
Let children understand the ownership of goods.
How to deal with the problem of children grabbing toys during communication?
From the beginning, the baby should establish a principle that whoever has toys has the right to decide. Adults can't give their children's toys to other babies by force, nor can they persuade their children to give them to others.
If it is a public toy or game equipment, whoever gets it first or starts playing first has the right to decide whether to continue playing or leave, and other babies must wait.
Usually, children cry when they don't get the toys they want. Adults can say in a calm tone, "We must learn to wait!" " You can also divert your child's attention and use other toys to attract him to leave temporarily.
When a child doesn't want to share, adults should never call him "you are stingy" or "stingy bag". If you keep labeling your child like this, he will never learn to share.
Children can't talk about sharing until they know that they have autonomy over their own property. If adults force their children's toys to other children out of face, it means that you tell children that they can also steal other people's toys, so the rules must be unified anyway.
Under normal circumstances, after the age of three, the child knows whether the toy is shared with others or can be taken back, so he is willing to share it.
Before you are three years old, don't rush to cultivate your child's selfless quality.