See the greatest trust

"The greatest trust is never to trust. This is the wisdom of the Jews.

They don't take verbal agreements as agreements, and there is no such thing as my final say. If I want to believe you, the risk assessment system I have established since I was a child will clearly tell me that there is no such thing as a free lunch. In this way, you will naturally be careful and will not promise and trust others casually. Trust is gradually established through repeated struggles.

On the other hand, in the Chinese world, only: I have the final say.

Another meaning of "I'm in charge" is that you should not doubt me, and the final result is often the reason and excuse to avoid responsibility. We don't know how many times we have been cheated by similar words since childhood, and we still enjoy it, and even yell at children and others in turn.

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"Son, be yourself." Because never trust to trust, I trust you completely!

This sentence represents three things I want to tell my children:

First, you can make the right choice for yourself.

Second, you are no longer influenced by others and don't need to be others.

Third, I believe in your decision, and I will always support you behind your back.

After the age of thirteen, you have to let your children be themselves, but it's not easy, unless you start making your own decisions at an early age, like Jews. Because parents always have too many expectations for their children, and most of them are expectations that children don't like, but parents really want them.

Many boys in the Chinese world have to bear the wrong expectations of their elders since childhood. Parents or elders say to their children:

You will make a lot of money in the future. You have to earn a lot of money, buy a big house for your parents, and so on. This kind of words, in my opinion, is not good for children, but the root of their future pain.

Many children, especially boys, have been given too many expectations since childhood, and such expectations have produced inflated self-confidence. However, with the confidence given by others, they did nothing. They're over 30, and they're still confused. At the age of 50, they still don't know their fate, and in the end they have accomplished nothing. They have high hopes from their families and are afraid of losing face. Finally, they came up with the killing skill of thunderbolt, that is …

"I will be the successor of my grandfather, grandmother or parents' legacy in the future. They are dead, and I am a millionaire, tens of millions or even hundreds of millions. Don't look down on me. You'd better be polite to me now 」

Now I finally understand one thing. It turns out that after the death of the elders, the children are still greedy for inheritance, which is the biggest humiliation for their parents. This is tantamount to telling the world that parents have educated unwise and greedy children. Wise parents in the world must teach their children the ability of self-sufficiency. Successful children are raised, and these legacy children don't need it at all.

No wonder most Jewish parents never leave their inheritance to their children, but donate it. China society is often just the opposite. Three generations who are rich but not rich are also burning incense. Usually the rich second generation will ruin their parents' lifelong efforts!

Wise parents in the world must teach their children the ability of self-sufficiency. Successful children are raised, and these legacy children don't need it at all.

Jews really don't leave their children a legacy. When I was in Israel, my old neighbor downstairs passed away. We went to their home to mourn with the old lady, chat with her and listen to her memories of her husband's escape from the concentration camp.

At that time, the old gentleman was just a child, and his parents were sent to the concentration camp by train. Someone removed the board of the carriage and there was a small gap so that the child could be sent out. When the child was sent out, the last thing his parents said to him was "be good", and then heaven and man were separated forever.

After the war, they came to Israel and started from scratch. Before his death, the old uncle left his children a dollar each, so that they could manage their lives by their own efforts.

A dollar? Will it be too stingy! The answer is: no! Because from small to large, he left his children full of life wisdom! Be good.

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See the greatest blessing

Children who grow up under abnormal expectations are burdened with everyone's expectations from an early age. Children think that they must fulfill their parents' expectations and have no other choice. When children can't fulfill their parents' expectations, they often feel disappointed in themselves and feel that they can't do anything and are worthless.

When my expectations can't be realized, I don't know what I should do and I don't have my own goals. I just wandered around all day, and then I started planning how to dig money with my parents. The battle for inheritance is staged everywhere every day.

Is this expectation really correct?

Please don't put expectations on your child, but believe that he will find his own way. Parents' expectations will bind their children for life. Children who follow their parents' expectations on the wrong road will never be responsible for themselves.

"It's all your fault. You asked me to go to NTU! 」

"It's all because you said the project is very good, and now it's not good at all. 」

"Who told you that it was good to take an examination of ordinary civil servants before, but you didn't get in at all, which caused me to waste two years. 」

It's all you, it's all your fault, not you ... These complaints come from children's protests against their parents. In order to meet his parents' expectations, he did his best, but the result was not as good as expected, so he could only vent his anger on those who ordered him to make these decisions.

In the end, children become so-called dependent on their parents, and everything is up to their parents. According to parents' expectations, the parent-child relationship broke down in such complaints and abductions. If children do nothing but live, eat and use at home, the neet will grow up quietly at home.

So, don't expect anything from children, trust them. No expectation is a child's greatest blessing. In fact, no expectation is the strictest expectation, because children themselves must be responsible for their own lives. Educate children to be responsible for their own lives, and parents' hearts will be comforted for life.

Expectation is an unhealthy restriction for children. Healthy parents will not force their children with expectations, but support their children with love and trust, and the parent-child relationship is naturally beautiful.

Although my father told me before, "Be yourself. However, his external actions and words are inconsistent. He wants his son to become a dragon and his daughter to become a phoenix. He hopes that we can all become super talents, and it is often a matter of face. But I am not the clever boy he thinks, and I am not a successful son.

So I've always wanted to find a way to get rid of my father's contempt. I started preschool in junior high school and never took money from home after my economic independence. On the contrary, when the family went bankrupt, they also subsidized their families with the meager allowances of some military school students. Went to a seminary and preached for the first time after graduation. I used my fare to invite my father to dinner, but my father despised me: "What can I do with so little money?" ? 」

But in the eyes of my father, these may be nothing.

Perhaps my heart has been silently hoping that my father can agree with me, so when I was sneered at by my father, my heart was actually very hurt. It also strengthened the idea of "never be like dad" again.

Some words. Speaking from parents' mouths is an exciting encouragement, but listening to children's ears is extremely ironic.

It is too little for children to take money to subsidize their families: "Don't laugh so hard, what can you do so little?" 」

"Do you think you will always get twenty-two thousand? Can you add some gas? 」

These are not encouragement and support in children's hearts, but an unspeakable injury.

"Three thousand pieces so little oh, you keep it! 」

This does not inspire children, but shows distrust of their children.

The children are trying to prove their worth. In the current economic situation, they can only take home with a meager salary at first, but their parents say the money is nothing ... even their parents don't believe in their value and don't support their current jobs. It seems that their future will be judged by their salary, as if their life can only be like this ... such an idea will surely sprout in their hearts.

More stubborn children will think that even their parents don't believe in themselves. What kind of parents can they be? I can only pray that I will never do this again. Without trust and mutual support, the parent-child relationship is even more broken.

Parents always want their children to be good, but the result of the gap between expectations and reality, coupled with improper words, has caused unforgettable harm to children.

When I was in Israel, I began to understand that you can dream, but don't expect it. I only do one thing, that is, I wake up every day and face the sky honestly. Do what you have to do every day in your life. Set your own goals and approach your ideals step by step. It may be a little slow, but it doesn't matter, because I know I'm moving forward. As long as I do the right thing, I am never afraid of doing wrong. Of course, I must make my own choice to do the right thing.

However, in the face of children, as a father, don't put expectations on children. I am just a helper or the best companion, accompanying them to become the best self!

If we put a lot of expectations on our children that we can't do, they will never be ourselves. What parents should do is to help their children become unique and very real themselves.

Liu Yuan Publishing authorized to reprint the original source Eagle Dad's Happy Parenting Law.