Ancient fathers' methods of cultivating children's self-reliance
Sun Bin, Prime Minister of Chu.
During the Spring and Autumn Period, Sun Shuai, the prime minister of Chu, was good at governing the country and educating the people. According to records, when he assisted Chu Zhuangwang, the social order was very good. "Officials can avoid evil, thieves can't afford it", "The road is not picked up, and the door is not closed at night". People live in peace and are deeply appreciated by the king and praised by the people. In recognition of his achievements, the king gave him a large piece of fertile land, which he declined politely. In ancient times, there was a tradition of "sealing the wife and losing children", that is to say, the wife or children of a national hero were given official titles and titles, and land was awarded. Sun Shuai had estimated this. When he was old and dying, he earnestly warned his son, "After my death, the king will still give you land. It was originally given to me by the king, but I politely declined and did not accept it. Remember, you don't accept it either. It's no good living on my father's seal. " After Sun Shuai died, his son followed his father's instructions. Although his family was poor at that time, he made a living by collecting firewood and did not accept the reward of the king, which was highly appreciated by people at that time.
In the Han dynasty, the teacher was sparse.
The teacher of the Crown Prince of the Han Dynasty was rich, and he had to retire home when he was old. Because of his meritorious service, the emperor and the prince gave him a lot of gold when he retired. People guess: he got so many rewards that his descendants could be exposed, so how much land he had to buy! However, to people's surprise, Dawning has other plans for generous rewards. After returning home, he invited villagers, neighbors, friends and old friends to have a big banquet for several days, inviting everyone to dinner. Seeing that the gold given by the emperor and the prince is running out, the children and grandchildren are worried in their eyes. How they wish to get some gifts from the emperor. But they were afraid to ask Shuguang directly, so they found a prestigious old man at home to intercede. The old man said to Shuguang, "Why do you only entertain others and don't care about your descendants?" Shuguang smiled and said, "I am old, but I am not so confused as to ignore the interests of my children and grandchildren." I did this with the interests of future generations in mind. The existing farmland in our family is quite large enough for a family to farm. As long as they work hard, they can meet the needs of food, clothing, housing and transportation and maintain a general standard of living. If we leave them too much land and let them get something for nothing, we will teach them to be lazy. As the saying goes:' if you are virtuous and have more money, you will lose your ambition; If you are stupid and rich, you will benefit. "A talented person, if he has too much money, will kill his enterprising will; A stupid and stubborn person, if he has too much money, will further encourage his mistakes. I would rather leave them more virtues than leave more land to stifle their enterprising will and encourage their mistakes. " Dawn did what she said, and really didn't leave the bounty of the emperor and the prince to future generations.
Zhou Ben, envoy of the Southern Tang Dynasty
In the Southern Tang Dynasty, Zhou Ben, commander-in-chief of Chang Shengjun, was kind-hearted. He always gave his money to others, helped the poor and never accumulated wealth.
Someone advised him, "You are old, so you should leave some legacy for future generations." Zhou Ben said, "I, Zhou Ben, wore sandals and followed King Wu to conquer the world. Until today, I am in the leading position. Who left this for me? I made it myself. I don't leave them a legacy, I just hope that they will fight for their future through hard work like me! "
Sima Guang praised them for their "foresight"
These ancient people did not love their descendants. What they did just reflected their deep love for future generations. As Yan Zhitui, an educator in the Northern and Southern Dynasties, said, "Fathers and brothers can't always live alone, and the countryside can't always protect themselves. Once they are displaced, there is no one to shelter them, and they often ask for their own ears. " One can't always depend on parents and family life. The most reliable thing is his sense of self-reliance and ability. Parents should teach their children to be self-reliant and self-reliant, which is the most reliable "heritage". These fathers should say that they have the conditions to leave a rich material legacy to future generations; Moreover, their wealth is not "ill-gotten gains", but their reasonable and legitimate "legitimate income". If left to future generations, others will not say anything. But they think that it is not true love for future generations, but harm, and there will be endless troubles after the meeting. It's not that they don't want future generations to be happy, but that they want future generations to be happy forever. They are not ignoring the interests of future generations, but considering the long-term interests of future generations. Therefore, Sima Guang, a famous politician and historian in the Song Dynasty, spoke highly of them and said, "What a visionary father!"
A Historical Survey of Father's Position in Family Education
The father of an ancient family.
The rule and execution of ancient China society were mainly manifested in the rule of man and the rule of virtue. In national management, absolute monarchy is the main feature, and the monarch enjoys absolute authority. This characteristic is inherited in the family, which is manifested in the supremacy of father's power. Therefore, no matter in the handling of family affairs or in the education of children, the father is undoubtedly the highest decision-maker. The so-called feudal paternalism, we call it paternalism too much. Morality is the most important tool to maintain the stable implementation of feudal society, and the inheritance and strict observance of feudal morality is an important guarantee for the normal development of the country. As the cell of society, the stability of feudal families mainly depends on the power of morality. Men are superior to women, husbands are women and fathers are children. These moral thoughts clearly reflect the dominant position of men in the family. Filial piety, thrift, farming and reading became the main contents of feudal family education, and these activities were mainly guided by fathers. In addition, in the ancient society of China, it was generally believed that women's lack of talent was virtue, so there was a significant difference in education between men and women. First, women are deprived of the right to receive school education. Even if he received a little education at home, it was mainly life etiquette and housework skills, while men learned the skills of dealing with people and settling down from their parents in order to shine in the future.
The father in the modern family.
The arrival of the industrial age declared the demise of feudal society, and at the same time, great changes took place in the ideological field, and mankind entered the modern society. Since then, democracy has gradually replaced autocracy, and the rule of law has gradually replaced the rule of man. Modern families are also influenced by these thoughts. The absolute authority of fathers gradually disappears, and the status of mothers in the family is improved. Legal provisions enable men and women to receive education equally, which greatly improves the neglected position of women in the family. But we can't forget that in industrialized society, men are the main force engaged in social production and the main provider of families, so the color of male chauvinism is still strong, and the real equality between men and women has not been fully realized. The most striking feature of this period is that "men dominate outside and women dominate inside". The father mainly plays the role of bringing home the bacon in the family, and the task of educating children is mainly given to the mother, but the authority of the father still exists.
The father in the modern family.
In modern society, with the continuous improvement of industrial structure and the rapid development of commerce, service industry and information industry, the differences between men and women in career choice are getting smaller and smaller. Getting rid of the dependence on men in the agricultural and industrial era, women are more and more involved in the torrent of social production and economic construction. Feminists are active all over the world, which makes women's social status get unprecedented promotion, and the possibility of economic independence makes women already play a decisive role in the family. However, we are reluctant to find that the role of father in modern families has become increasingly blurred. On the one hand, the mother's strong position in the family impacts the father's authority, and children depend on their mother much more than their father. On the other hand, social pressure makes fathers have to work hard and have no time to participate in their children's education. Therefore, family education is mainly undertaken by the mother, and even has to be handed over to both parents, which is very unfavorable for the healthy growth of children. It can be said that the position of father in modern family education has been diluted as never before, and this trend will continue to spread if it is not paid attention to. At that time, the family will lose the "father".