The biggest failure that parents can bear is not being treated as an opponent and enemy by their children, but as a boss or a slave.
Nowadays, parents seem to have an ambition to arrange their children's whole future. From enrollment and further education to work and going abroad, from buying a house and a car to getting married and having children, we all plan ahead, raise money for it, and even fight hard in person. I think it's a responsibility.
What I want to remind you is: Have you decided your child's future? Half of his future is in the hands of God, that is, his external experience, and the other half is in his own hands, that is, his mentality and ability to deal with external experience. For the first half, there is nothing you can do; For the latter half, you can play a great role, that is, give him a correct education, make him truly outstanding in spirit, let him strive for happiness and bear the hardships necessary in life. If you don't work hard in this respect, and as a result, you cultivate a mentally fragile person, I can conclude that one day you will find that all your efforts for him are in vain.
The real goal of education is to make children become kind, rich and noble people.
One's attitude towards life can best be seen from the way one educates children. Parents who force their children to participate in various competitions are often eager for quick success in life. On the contrary, a person who is indifferent to fame and fortune must also hope that his children will grow up happily in line with nature.
From this, I got a basis to analyze the phenomenon that seems to violate this law. For example, I can basically draw the conclusion that a person who forces a child to do something by doing nothing is actually incompetent and frustrated; A person who works hard but lets his children grow freely, his despair is somewhat out of helplessness. Both of these people want to realize their unsuccessful wishes in their children, but the nature of their wishes is just the opposite.
Being a man and teaching people are basically the same. What I value most in my life is what I want my children to get in education. How can such a thing qualify as a life goal of entering a prestigious school and getting a profitable career? Therefore, it cannot be the goal of education. My expectation is much higher than this, that is, I hope my child will become a kind, rich and noble person.
I am definitely not an expert in teaching children, but a father who loves children. Since love, we must do two things well, one is to make our children happy now, and the other is to make them happy in the future. Today, the key to these two points is to provide a small environment for children to grow up as healthily as possible.
Few parents do not love their children, but what is true love for their children is debatable. At present, the common practice is to be meticulous in material matters, tense in homework and insensitive in spirit. In my opinion, this is not only not loving children, but also hurting children.
Let children have a happy childhood and grow up happily, healthily and freely.
People who really love children will try their best to make them have a happy childhood and lay the foundation for their lifelong happiness. How to do it specifically, let me talk about my experience for reference. There are three main points. First, I am willing to spend time playing games, chatting and having fun with my children, so that children can often enjoy their living family ties. Second, try our best to resist the harm of the exam-oriented education system and protect the healthy growth of children's nature and intelligence. Third, pay attention to cultivating children's life wisdom and independent spirit, not to prepare a ready-made future for children, but to enable children to strive for happiness by themselves and bear the hardships necessary in future life.
I never make specific plans for my child's future. I only make an abstract orientation, that is, to make him a person with good physical and mental health and excellent mind. It is overstepping and misleading to stipulate or even imply a specific career path for children's future. I only care about one thing, that is, let the children have a happy childhood and grow up happily, healthily and freely. As long as he does this, he will make the best decision in the future, a hundred times better than what we can do now.
Nowadays, parents seem to be far-sighted and strive for a good career for their children in the future when they are very young, so they try their best to get their children into key schools and attend various extracurricular classes. As far as children are concerned, they have been involved in terrible competition since kindergarten and walked all the way from primary school to university. I wonder how much homework and exams they have to endure in order to get that diploma. But in my opinion, this kind of education just lost the game from the beginning.
From childhood, adolescence to youth, it is the most beautiful and important stage in life and has its own irreplaceable value. Now this value is attributed to preparing for future job hunting. How much precious childhood and youth have been sacrificed for such a small goal.
I want to say to smart adults: If you cherish your childhood, you must also respect your child's childhood. Don't disturb your child with something serious in your eyes when he is playing carefree. When a child weaves a beautiful dream, don't correct him with the reality in your eyes. If you insist on leading your child to adulthood, when you do, you are rudely taking away his childhood.
No one can take away the harvest of quality education, and it will certainly play a role in the whole life for a long time.
Good family education has two functions for school education, one is to add points for quality education, and the other is to reduce the burden for exam-oriented education.
The most important thing in intellectual education is to instill knowledge. Of course, children can be taught to read and write, but in my opinion, this is at most a means and can never be used as the goal and standard of education. It is not only ridiculous but also sad to pursue how many words children know and how many ancient poems they recite, and even to be proud of it. Whether the method of imparting knowledge is correct and valuable depends entirely on whether the result stimulates or inhibits children's interest in knowledge. Active rational ability is the source, and there will be a steady stream of living water when the source is unobstructed; When the source dries up, no amount of knowledge is just stagnant water.
For children's intellectual education, I am not a thoughtful parent, and I don't have any careful plans. But I care more, I will pay attention to the children's intellectual flash, and give praise and affirmation in time. In fact, the energy of children's rational awakening is great, and they are bound to be curious, ask more questions, love to ponder and so on. All they need is to encourage them, give them a direction, let them know that these are good qualities and continue to carry them forward with confidence. On the contrary, if we turn a blind eye to the intellectual quality of natural growth and set a set of artificial standards for him, he will inevitably lose evidence and get twice the result with half the effort on the road of intellectual development.
I firmly believe that edification is not teaching, but the most effective and labor-saving education, and good quality is edified. Therefore, being a parent means that life has put forward a requirement for you: you must improve your own quality.
The biggest failure of parents is to be treated as a boss or a slave by their children.
Music, painting, sports, these talents, on the one hand, are special talents, and only a few people are suitable for it as a major; On the other hand, it is the basic quality of all-round development, and everyone can take it as their hobby. Incorporating the so-called specialty assessment into the examination-oriented education system will distort the essence of art education and physical education, transforming them from the form of free development of human nature into examination-oriented tools, and on the other hand, it will add new burdens to children in addition to the already heavy homework.
Children will show some interest and ability in art, such as painting, music and dancing. But that doesn't mean everyone will become an artist when they grow up. To be an artist, you must have talent, but you can't judge talent by your childhood interests. The real value of children's artistic activities lies in that it is an important aspect of mental development, which can make children's sensibility, imagination, expressiveness and creativity develop well. This in itself is a huge gain. No matter what career the child is engaged in in in the future, this harvest will be reflected in his work and life.
In my opinion, forcing children to learn an art for a long time is completely contrary to the essence of art, and it is often for a strong utilitarian purpose. In the end, even if artists are trained, the painful price is incurable trauma and distortion of human nature.
What parents do best reflects a person's character, quality and upbringing. Being regarded as a bosom friend by children is the greatest success that parents can achieve. However, the biggest failure that parents can bear is not to regard their children as rivals and enemies, but as bosses or slaves.
The highest state of being a parent is to be a child's bosom friend. At this point, China's parents are very poor. On the one hand, it is the master and boss of the child, on the other hand, it is the slave and subordinate of the child, and there will never be a place to get along with the child on an equal footing.