According to the survey, about 50% of children in China are cared for and educated by the "generation gap", which means that these children grew up with their grandparents.
As the saying goes, "every generation of parents", every generation of old people's affection and care for their children is incomparable to any nanny, and sometimes even deeper than parents' affection for their children.
Why are there families with intergenerational education? Young couples are in a critical period of career struggle. Men will inevitably choose to work to earn money to support their families. A small number of women will give up their careers because of having children, but most women will continue to work and fight for their careers after maternity leave.
After the short maternity leave, parents continue to be busy with their work and have no time to take care of their children, and because of their limited financial ability or uneasy to ask a nanny to take care of their children, they have to hand over this important task to the parents of both husband and wife.
Compared with the younger generation, they pay more attention to career, fame and fortune, ignoring the importance of family, while the elderly have more time and are more willing to help their children share their worries and get along with their grandchildren. They have a stronger sense of responsibility and think that they have raised a generation after all, have certain experience and are competent for the work of educators.
But after a long time, you will find that the difference between parents and old people is really not a little bit.
Two generations of old people and young parents live in different times, and their education and lifestyle are very different, so there will be great differences and contradictions between the two generations in the education of their children.
In the face of children's problems, I went to my colleague Yingying's house the day before yesterday to understand the situation. As soon as I went upstairs, I heard the child crying and crying. When I opened the door, I saw the house in a mess. Her son sat in the middle of the living room, crying all over his face, surrounded by toys and food.
The grandmother picked up a rattle and shook it in front of the child, but the child ran away directly with his hand. Unfortunately, the rattle hit the grandmother directly in the face, and her face turned red immediately.
But the child's grandmother continued to tease the child with toys in a different way, but the child's crying only increased, and he began to beat her with his hand.
Yingying asked her mother-in-law why she was crying. It turned out that the child wanted to eat ice cream, and grandma looked at the rain outside, so it was really inconvenient to go out and buy it, and she was afraid that the child would catch cold, so the child cried and quit.
The child cried a little less when his mother came back. Yingying felt that her son was unreasonable and saw the red marks on her mother-in-law's face. She kept hitting her mother-in-law and shouted very seriously and angrily, "Why did you hit grandma? Apologize immediately. "
But the child was wronged and began to cry again. When her mother-in-law saw it, she immediately said, "Nothing, nothing, he didn't mean to apologize."
Yingying thinks that hitting people is a matter of principle, but her mother-in-law thinks that there is no need to compete mercilessly with her children. While holding the children, she complains that Yingying is wrong and criticizes her for a long time.
Yingying is very unhappy and confused. She thinks it's okay to educate her children, and it's also good for her mother-in-law to make them apologize, but in the end it's her fault.
Intergenerational education is not terrible. Only by clarifying the advantages and disadvantages can we break through the barriers of intergenerational education. Everything has two sides. We should treat intergenerational education from a dialectical point of view. There are advantages and disadvantages for the elderly to take care of their children.
One: the benefits of the elderly taking care of their children
(1) Old people have plenty of time to lighten their parents' burden.
Most elderly people with grandchildren have retired and started to spend their old age comfortably, so they have enough time to help their children care about education, listen patiently to their children's voices and take care of them more carefully.
For young parents, it can solve their worries, let them devote themselves to their work with confidence, and create better conditions for the future of their families and children.
(2) Old people have parenting experience, so they should avoid detours.
The younger generation is a parent for the first time, and there must be many shortcomings in taking care of their children. A little carelessness will bring harm to children.
Parents of the older generation have raised many children and know what children of all ages should eat healthily and wear without getting sick, so they will have a lot of experience in raising grandchildren.
③ The participation of the elderly is high, which increases family happiness.
Old people like their grandchildren's children very much. They will feel that taking care of their children will share their worries and will also play a role after retirement.
In addition, many children seldom go home to visit their parents once they work. If the elderly help their children with their children, they can also let them go home for dinner, spend more time with their parents and increase the happiness of the family.
Two: the disadvantages of the elderly with children
(1) The conflict of educational ideas between two generations.
There is a big gap between grandparents and grandchildren for decades. Although the elderly are experienced, their concepts and knowledge can't keep up with the update of the times and are out of touch with society.
The way of raising children is always "old-fashioned", conservative and cautious, for fear of any danger to children, which may not be suitable for children in the new era. The educational concept of young parents is a "new set", they will let go and encourage their children more.
② Old people dote on their children, and it is easy to raise "greenhouse flowers".
I believe that the vast majority of elderly people will spoil their children more than their parents, and will try their best to meet all unreasonable demands of their children and tolerate their nonsense and willfulness.
This meticulous care can easily turn children into "greenhouse flowers". Over time, children's personality will become moody and arrogant, and their adaptability and frustration will be weak when they enter the campus and society in the future.
The affection between children and parents is not deep.
Many young parents left their young children under the care of the elderly for a long time, and they became "shopkeepers". Children spend much longer time with the elderly than with their parents, which will lead to strangers and deep feelings between them.
When children are young, it is time to build cognition. He often thinks about who he is, so children actually need their parents to spend more time with him.
Facing the difference of intergenerational education, how to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and not separate from each other: locate their respective roles and have a clear division of labor.
Many elderly people feel that they are just helping to look after their children, but their roles are comparable to those of parents. On the one hand, parents give their children to the elderly, on the other hand, they complain that their parents care too much and have different ways.
Even with the same care and education for children, the roles played by the elderly and parents are different. In dealing with children, parents must be the leading role, while the elderly can only play a supporting role.
Two: the two sides maintain communication and determine the bottom line.
Many parents feel that the elderly have no principles because of their infinite tolerance and doting on their children. In this case, parents should communicate with the elderly in time to educate their children, and both sides should reach a consensus.
Maybe parents sometimes think that the old man did something wrong, out of fear of family or embarrassed to correct it. They are kind on the surface, but they have their own opinions in their hearts. This requires parents and the elderly to determine the bottom line in advance, and what mistakes the child can't tolerate must be punished.
In fact, there is no 100% authority in the way of educating children, and there is no distinction between "right and wrong". We should combine parents' innovative education with ancestors' traditional educational ideas to promote children's all-round growth.