I. Objectives
What kind of people should we train our children to be? To be more thorough, do you want your children to succeed in this world or live a healthy and happy life?
Just now, Teacher Yu made a particularly important point, which many parents can't avoid and have to avoid. That is, when you lay a good foundation for your child's personality and basic values, you will ensure the ultimate success. Simple so-called achievements are only superficial. If we concentrate on the pursuit of achievements and ignore the overall development, expectations are unpredictable and the proportion of dangerous expectations is high.
In fact, children whose grades are not necessarily poor have no future. With basic things, even secular success can be achieved. In short, my son. In primary and secondary schools, his grades are extremely poor. The most classic conversation between my son and me is: "How did you do in the exam?" "Not bad." "What do you mean, okay?" "There are three more." He finally finished junior high school and went to technical secondary school. Suddenly one day, he told me that he was going to college. As a result, he was the only one in the class who was admitted to the undergraduate course that year. Later, he will study abroad. I said, "All right! You will succeed if you go abroad to study for a master's degree or a doctor's degree. " He said, "I want to learn computer animation, and I want to learn vocational education." At that time, my ideological struggle was particularly fierce, because it meant that he got a bachelor's degree in China, but went abroad to study junior college. According to the secular point of view, he failed to grow up. Besides, I think vocational education costs a lot of money. Then I went to Canada to study for a few years, and then I went back to China. I think he is in good professional condition now, doing what he likes and having good professional skills. Many people say that my son's going to college is a miracle, and his present state is even more miraculous. Actually, I'm also reflecting. If there is a child with poor grades, parents may be anxious, disappointed and have conflicts with their children. However, when you understand him and lay a good foundation for his life, the ultimate success can be achieved.
Second, the relationship
What do we think of children and what do we take them for? For example, when I was in middle school, the Communist Youth League secretary said to me, "The door of the Communist Youth League is open. Why can't I get in? " ? You have a lot of pustules, your left arm is conceited, and your right arm does not unite your classmates. You get rid of these pustules, and the Communist Youth League welcomes you with open arms. "At that time, I thought the secretary of the Youth League Committee was too standard. Later, as a teenager for many years, I felt that there was something wrong with that kind of thinking in the past. In the past, parents and schools had fixed training goals, just like "exporting apples". Children are diverse, some like eggplant, some like radish. When the radish becomes an apple, you are successful. Try now, you can't even shape your own children. That day, I saw two children at the gate of the community. I said, "You look like a potato. Why should adults educate you? "I just want to shape you into an apple, so that you can export and have a great future." But the child said a word and immediately choked me back: "I tell you, when the potatoes are ready, they will be exported."
For today's children, understanding has three important attributes: the first is initiative, which is the main body of development; The second is potential, every child has his own potential, and the key is how to play it; The third is uniqueness. Everyone has his own unique development path.
Third, attitude.
In family education, parents' attitude is very important. The first word we advocate is acceptance. What is acceptance? It is very important to distinguish between acceptance and appreciation. You don't have to appreciate your child's words and deeds, but you have to understand and accept them. In other words, you can't ask your children to appreciate everything. Children should express themselves according to your standards, which is absolutely not feasible today. Because children and you live in different times, different times are different. If you don't understand and don't accept, you will lose the basis for dialogue with children. Many people talk about communication in parent-child relationship, but I don't think communication is everything. Communication only solves the problem of mode, and the premise and basis of communication is acceptance.
Fourth, the method
The traditional way of family education is used to reprimanding, inculcating and teaching children, which is the most undesirable and ineffective today. I always hope that parents can educate their children more carefully. For example, for example, study counseling, many parents are anxious about their children's poor academic performance and nag and urge them every day. If their grades are poor, they will be spanked. Actually, it's useless Theoretically speaking, a child's academic performance depends on two points: first, the motivation to learn, whether he wants to learn; The second is study habits. So intelligence is not the basic condition that affects grades. For children, the most direct motivation mainly depends on two desires. The first desire is curiosity and interest in what you have learned. The second desire is the desire to succeed. Try it, how can a child love learning if he has never been affirmed in the process of learning? Parents should constantly set small goals that can be achieved in the near future for their children, and encourage, promote and reward them if they achieve them. This step-by-step promotion can consciously make the child gain affirmation in his study, which can be an important driving force for his study. Mobilizing children's desire for knowledge and success requires parents' careful exploration.
In addition, children should develop three good habits to get good grades. One is attention. Children with good grades pay great attention to class. How to cultivate children's attention? There are many ways to do it, which requires parents' heart. The easiest way is that in early childhood, you constantly let your child concentrate on playing the game of pushing the ball. After a long time, you can cultivate the habit of children's concentration. The second is the habit of thinking. Lazy children will never get good grades, so we should cultivate the habit of thinking. The third is a rigorous attitude.
Many people attach importance to children's grades. In fact, it is very important to pay attention to building children's intelligent structure. Cultivating children's intellectual ability is much more important than superficial academic performance.
Finally, I call for further strengthening the theoretical research of family education. At present, there is a great demand for family education in society, and parents are very confused. When some new concepts and ideas come out, many parents get the greatest treasure, but some new concepts and practices lack theoretical support and rational analysis. The basic theoretical framework of family education in China has not been fully constructed, and the unique research perspective and theoretical system of family education still lack authoritative interpretation. Therefore, strengthening the theoretical research of family education needs the great attention of the whole society, especially the academic circles.
Everyone can't grow up without family. Anyone's social performance can be traced back to his childhood experience, especially his family environment, relationship and upbringing. Family education is not only related to the future of children, but also to the future of the country, nation and society. In family education, we are all responsible for the future.