Occasional confrontation is a normal way to express demands, but high-frequency confrontation can easily make children develop bad behavior patterns, affect their judgment and affect their reasonable development. From the feedback of parents and teachers, some children are rebellious, and there are more and more children with high-frequency confrontational behavior, which makes it more and more difficult to raise.
Tracing back to the source, children's confrontational behavior has a lot to do with arranged substitution and highly controlled family upbringing, which makes children very familiar with the interaction between parents and children. The emotional experience caused by past interaction is so profound that once the event begins, it can stimulate children's unpleasant emotional experience and produce a sense of resistance and confrontation. For example, my sister plays with Lele, and my sister starts to cry. My mother hurried out of the kitchen to coax my sister: "What's the matter? What happened? Sister, don't cry! " Turning around, I was about to ask Sister Lele why she was crying. Lele stood up and ran into the room, closing the door: "You always ask me again and again, and you just think I bully her!" " "Mingming Lele has fallen into the' emotional trap' questioned and accused by her mother.
Changing the way you open your mouth and sending out friendly communication invitations are all very effective ways to reduce the level of "emotional trap" reaction. Children are particularly sensitive to capturing the subtext of their parents' language habits, and form a mindset, which in turn leads to emotional conditioning. Once parents change their original negative language habits, they can immediately arouse their children's goodwill and trigger their positive cooperative behavior. Try another way of saying, "Lele, my sister is crying. This is not necessarily your business, but can you tell me what happened just now and help my mother analyze the reasons?" Mom needs her sister's support! "At the same time, cooperate with natural body language, such as: head-up, eyes down, focus on the child, pull the child closer to himself, hold her hand or touch her moderately. ......
If you handle it this way: Mom invited Lele to recall what happened, and listened to Lele's statement patiently, knowing that Lele grabbed her sister's beads because she was afraid that she would eat them. Mom should sincerely affirm Lele that' you did a good job, foresaw the danger, and really helped her, otherwise her mother wouldn't have imagined how terrible it would be if her sister ate them!' And hug your daughter sincerely, and then comfort your sister in a gentle way. I believe that in this process, Lele will naturally observe her mother and learn how to communicate with her weak sister properly, not just by grabbing.
It is worth mentioning here that home intelligence is becoming more and more popular now. Many families will install some cameras at home in order to take better care of their families. Parents can ask their children's permission and play back videos to help them organize and express the whole story more systematically. If you play back the monitoring without the child's consent, it will hurt the child, and he will increasingly reject communication. Tracing the course of events is a good way to cultivate children's communication and expression ability, cognitive ability and analytical ability. Promoting the growth of children's rational thinking and guiding children to learn to analyze events can help children better control their emotions.
When parents correct their children's misconduct, they are often eager to correct their success by reasoning or ordering. However, in the face of all the truths that adults take for granted, children can't understand, recognize and implement with his logic. Therefore, the feasibility must emphasize the win-win situation of children's understanding, so that children can taste the "sweetness" and have the motivation to implement it. After Lele was born, she developed a certain behavior pattern because of her sister's unfavorable situation, so helping Lele needs to be synchronized with her family and guide Lele to look at, judge and solve problems from the cognitive level. For example, Lele likes the role area very much. She has been in the role area for a week, and she is the first to arrive every time. She has collected a lot of her favorite materials in her material box. When the friends came, they wanted to hear her assign and arrange roles, which made them very unhappy. Many children have come to complain. Every time the teacher reminds Lele, Lele can hear it, but when she returns to the game, she can't help collecting materials and trying to control her peers.
The consequences include punishment and natural consequences. Punishment is the behavior of adults, and the natural consequence is the natural result of children's behavior. Punishment will make children more resistant to adults, and the natural consequence is to let children eat their own fruit and learn to be responsible for their actions. One of the important reasons why many children's rebellious behavior has not decreased is that they have not really tasted the consequences of stubbornness, have not perceived the terrible ending in "adult preaching", and will think that their parents are just exaggerating. Therefore, letting children bear the consequences moderately is a good way to reverse their resistance.
For example, when mom feeds her sister, Lele needs to feed her, so that she can put down her sister and hold her. Mom communicated with Lele for a long time without results, and Lele began to cry. Mother stopped communicating at the teacher's suggestion and didn't urge Lele to eat. You are a big boy, you can eat by yourself; If you don't want to eat, you can play your favorite game! . Lele, who was hungry after a meal, took the initiative to start eating at dinner, and her mother took the initiative to accompany Lele after feeding her sister, which made Lele understand the truth that although mom and dad love their children very much, they will not unconditionally indulge unreasonable demands.
Moderately letting children bear the consequences will let them know that inappropriate resistance will "gain" more and "lose" less, so that children will become cautious in similar behaviors in the future, greatly reducing the difficulty of education and communication.
Guest of this issue: Peng Jiehua
Director of Supervision Department of Liang Hai Kindergarten Education Group
High school teachers
Leaders of major municipal disciplines
National Senior Family Education Tutor