Most parenting topics focus on the cultivation of children's discipline, physical development, psychological intelligence development and emotional intelligence education ... But Rokus, the author of When Marriage Meets Parenting-Parents' Feelings are the First Lesson of Children's Love, thinks that family is the most fundamental place for parenting, because children spend most of their time in the family environment, and the elements of family composition are father and mother. Therefore, the quality of parents' marriage and the way of interaction.
Marriage is happy, and education can really lengthen my marriage and education of diving for more than ten years. Through constant diving and training, I finally gradually mastered the foundation of a happy life and made clear the order and essence of marriage in my life. Marriage is the foundation of education, and husband is the foundation of children's happiness. 」
Parents live in harmony and raise children with high emotional intelligence. We often expect children to be emotionally stable, optimistic and positive. We hope that he can be a "sunny boy" or a "cheerful girl" to break through many difficulties in the future, whether at school, at work or in love, so that he will not easily fall into depression and commit suicide.
These elements can't be given by schools or others, and they are human nature that parents can pass on to their children. Writer Dick Rokus believes that if parents have harmonious feelings, children's emotions will be stable, because when parents get along with him, their emotions are also stable.
We all remember how scared and helpless we were when mom and dad quarreled occasionally when we were young. The way parents communicated with each other, children actually imitated and learned. What's more, when there is friction between husband and wife, each other's mood is not good. It is impossible for us to completely eliminate this negative emotion before facing and cultivating children. Have you found that when you are in a bad mood, the way you talk to your child is different from that in peacetime?
Kulus pointed out that if couples often have cold wars, quarrels, or indifferent interactions, as if "food is tasteless and it is a pity to abandon it", they rarely look at each other and greet each other, and the conversation is limited to rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, then it is impossible for children to be born optimistic.
Therefore, in order to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence, optimism and positivity, parents have the obligation to manage their marriage relationship with love first, and husband and wife should always care about each other and interact with each other in a friendly way, so that children can feel the mutual respect and support of their parents, so that they can grow up in such an environment with peace of mind and happiness.
Don't ignore the importance of comparing two people to 1 Mr. Personal.
If we say that education is not only a child's physical development and academic study, but also the cultivation of emotional IQ, moral IQ and adversity IQ. This is difficult to carry out in school education. One's teaching can never compare with the creativity and diversity of husband and wife. Therefore, it is the first step to settle the relationship between husband and wife.
Dad is also very important to children.
Rokus, a writer, believes that there are great differences between men and women in essence and personality, and that fatherly love and maternal love can bring different and diverse feelings to children. For example, fathers are usually more humorous, stronger, more adventurous, more fond of pursuing * * * and diligent in taking their children to some outdoor and sports activities than mothers. These are different experiences for children and are also very important for their growth and development.
"For example, in our family, when children are young, they like to play the game of' lifting high', but mothers usually can't lift it that high and can't lift it for that long, especially when children grow up and become heavier and heavier. But in fact, "lifting high" is a very different visual direction and experience for children, and children will have a good time. This is a spiritual satisfaction, enough for children to be fearless and go forward bravely. 」
In addition, in terms of chat topics, the things that mothers care about are often directly related to study or health, while the topics that fathers and children talk about will be very wide, from astronomy to geography, and there are many worldly experiences and life experiences shared in the workplace. So we see that many family letters are written by fathers, such as Liang Qichao and Hu Shi, who like to talk to their children about their outlook on life. These are very different places between mom and dad.
Therefore, the writer Saffron suggested that mothers should encourage their husbands to be close to their children, let them share the responsibility of caring for them, and create opportunities for their husbands and children to be alone. He will definitely bring something to your child that you can't imagine. "I believe that fatherly love is also great, and mothers should give fathers more opportunities to express themselves. 」
Further reading: Dad, that's great! Dad reads story books to his children, which is three times as effective as mom?
Where is the secret of happiness? "I know that if you and I lose the spirit of mutual respect, forgiveness and concession, then no matter how gorgeous and noble this eaves are, they will not move. I don't want our feelings to become fragile, and I don't want our children to grow up anxiously in a disharmonious atmosphere. In this room, I will always remember that I love my husband and children as much as I love them. 」
From the heart, caring about each other's marriage relationship is the most vulnerable part of human emotions, so it needs legal protection, witnesses from others and public ceremonies, because the essence of the relationship between men and women is "change when you say it".
Marriage is more fragile than parent-child relationship.
"So, this is very realistic. I think marriage needs more efforts to maintain than parent-child relationship. Otherwise, the relationship between husband and wife must be going downhill. The throbbing and admiration at the first meeting will gradually evaporate with the emergence of various pressures in real life, such as mortgage, car loan, family expenses, food expenses, tax payment and so on. Because of this cognition, crocus feels that marriage is not always beautiful. With this vigilance, she is more willing to take care of her marriage and often thinks about how to make her relationship with her husband better and maintain her feelings.
"I will observe the changes in my husband's life now, whether the work is smooth, what I like and what I don't like. I'll try to avoid things he doesn't like very much. For example, he doesn't like the mess at home. Many mothers may feel exhausted from taking care of their children, but what about the chaos at home? But for me, since he doesn't like it, this matter is very important to me. 」
This is not anti-feminism or lack of self, but whether you are willing to pay more attention to how to make your other half happier and do something that will make him happy, instead of asking him why he won't make you happy first. "It is meaningless to ask such a question, and there is no way to make your relationship better. In marriage and upbringing, it is always easier to start from yourself than to wait for the other person to change. 」
Do one thing for your husband every day!
Think carefully about how much you do for your children every day! You don't ask your children to repay you anything, so are you willing to do only one thing for your husband every day? Yes, just one.
That thing may be ... when you see that he is going to take a bath, get his underwear ready at once, or boil a pot of hot water and put it on his bedside table before going to bed every day. Everyone can do different things for Mr. Wang. It is very important to find it out and spend a little time every day to implement it.
Be good to him and meet his needs.
Many mothers may feel that they have done a lot for their husbands, so why do they still look unhappy? Writer Dick Rokus reminds you to be careful about what you think you are doing for your husband, which may not be what he really needs. For example, you know in your heart that your husband wants to be alone after work, but you just cling to him every minute. You still feel that you have been with him for so long, but he is ungrateful, or you are so tired with your children. Your husband should come to help. You are married and want to live alone!
If you can't perceive the other person's real thoughts, or if you are very clear in your heart, but refuse to accept the reality, you will push the other person's heart farther and farther away from you.
Sincerely wish each other happiness. "I think my husband and children always want to face an optimistic hostess every day." I love them and I love myself. I must try my best to think positively like that. I must bid farewell to the sad and complaining mother image. I want to please them as well as myself. 」
Going home late for dinner is regarded as overtime.
The average girl is very reluctant to accept the entertainment of the other half until late at night. They intuitively feel that the other party is going to play and have fun, so they will sulk at home, and their husband will not give him a good look when he comes back.
The writer Saffron, in the same situation, thinks, "Entertainment is like working overtime, which is very hard. How can it be fun? " Besides, Mr. Wang has no choice but not to go. He is poor enough. Perhaps many mothers will think that it is unfair that they take care of their children at home to pee, cook and wash dishes, while their husbands can eat and sing outside. I don't think they should think so, as if taking care of children is a kind of torture. In fact, how happy it is to get along with children at home with peace of mind! 」
I am happy for my husband's happiness.
"Even if Teacher Wang wants to have fun, eat delicious food and have fun, I will be happy for him, because he can finally play. Isn't that great? If I know that my husband is going to KTV for entertainment, I will be happy for him because he likes singing very much. 」
Why are you happy for your husband's happiness? First of all, as long as he is not a bad person and you make him happy, he will give you happiness back and make you happy, because he knows that no one will do this to him except you, so of course he should love you more and cherish you more.
Secondly, if Mr Wang Can eats well or talks well, why can't you be happy for him? Before you get angry, ask yourself, if your children are happy, you will be happy, too. Then why are you unhappy when your husband is happy?
Fill in the blanks with what you like.
I have a positive idea first, and then how to arrange time for my husband to come home late. Crocus suggested that I might as well prepare something that I like and is inconvenient to do, so that you won't be angry when my husband comes home. "For example, I will read my favorite books and movies, listen to my favorite music, or use my husband's time when he is not at home to surf the Internet, write things and reply to messages ... It will actually make me very happy to have such alone time because I can be alone." 」
Saffron reminds mothers to change their ideas and divert their attention. Don't sulk at home all the time, thinking, "What time is it? He doesn't know where to relax now, leaving me and my children at home. Even if you know that he has no choice, you should let yourself have willful, unreasonable ideas and even fantasies, which will only increase unnecessary quarrels!
Further reading: madam, pay attention! When a husband shows these six behaviors, it shows that he is jealous of his children.
Different opinions, many mothers are troubled by frequent quarrels with their partners, which is natural, whether because of different personalities or different work concepts. Safray said that no one in the world has the same personality, and men and women have different ways of thinking. "So when there is an occasional dispute between husband and wife, I won't get angry easily, because I take disagreement as a matter of course and I respect my husband's idea." 」
"Because for me, family and happiness are the only goals. As long as the other party's opinion does not lead to bankruptcy, divorce and affair, and does not tear down the family, when both sides insist, one party always needs to make concessions, and that person will usually be me. 」
Give in/lose yourself
Crocus believes that giving in does not mean losing yourself. "Maybe we should think about what is called" self ". Do you still have yourself even if you win a quarrel? " Or do you have to be in your own hands to be self-sufficient in any decision-making power? I think I am very happy, and I have many hobbies. Read if you want to read, and cook if you want to cook. This is self-possession. If I am unhappy, even if I decide all the big and small things at home, I feel no self. 」
Educate people in different tones and convince them by reasoning.
When the difference between the two is not an ordinary trivial matter, but a matter related to children's education, writer Dick Rokus suggested that mothers: "convince the other half with theory!" For example, I will tell my husband that I don't agree with his opinion, not because I don't like it, but because Mr. Hong Lan said in a book before that you make the other half feel that you have done your heart and homework in parenting, and you won't reject his opinion because of your feelings. 」
Generally speaking, men are more reasonable animals, do not accept feelings, and to be honest, they usually have less information and knowledge about education. As long as mommy's statement is true, the other half will often be willing to compromise in the end.
Let the husband and children get closer! In the new book "When Marriage Meets Education-Parents' Feelings are the First Lesson of Children's Love", Croce once mentioned that "it is very easy for children to love their mothers deeply, but if they want children to love their fathers in the same way, sometimes they really need more reminders or explanations". How can she help children establish better interaction with their fathers?
1. Let the children get used to calling their father every day. "I will let my children call my husband every day. This has been a habit for many years. The first thing they do after school every day is to call their father. Interestingly, when I call my husband, he is always busy, but it is not necessarily the case that my two daughters call him. Whenever he is free, he talks to the children. Occasionally his daughters forget to call, and their father will call them on his own initiative. Even if my husband goes abroad, this habit has not changed. 」
Crocus believes that it is very important to encourage children to talk to their fathers. Usually, people do the opposite. Most mothers say to their fathers, "You should spend more time with your children instead of watching TV and surfing the Internet all day." But in fact, I always encourage my children to find their fathers. Don't wait for their fathers to find their children, and don't expect their husbands to take the initiative to do something, because it is much easier to change children's behavior than to change their husbands.
2. Pick up Dad at the door. "My husband goes home every day. When he rings the doorbell, I'll ask my children to meet my father at the door. As long as the child is not asleep, whether it is practicing the piano, doing homework or eating, everything at hand should be stopped first, and picking up dad is the priority. Then you will hear them chatting happily and coming in from the outside. If a child is so enthusiastic to his father all the year round, it is difficult for him to be cold to his child. 」
In most families, if the father comes home at mealtime, the mother who is devoted to the good of her children will tell her children to continue eating and eat quickly. Even if the child wants to go to the table to find his father, he will be stopped, but Croce believes that the reason why she asks her daughter to stop what she is doing every day to see her father is to let the child know that his father is the oldest in the family and his father is not a servant. When she comes home, the child can't turn a blind eye. Moreover, it only takes three minutes to pick up dad, but such a move implies profound educational meaning, so that children can understand that the most important thing in life is not only himself, but also what he is doing.