If we want our children to be happy all their lives, we must cultivate their positive and healthy mentality from an early age and let them face the world with a smile forever.
How to cultivate children to have a good attitude? The following are eight suggestions, referred to as "eight more and eight less" for reference only.
First, let children say more "great" and say less "bad"
People have two mental states. Let's call it "sunshine mentality" and "moonlight mentality".
The performance of moonlight mentality is poor emotional stability, dark and narrow, cold and aloof, cold and hot, clouds cover the fog, words are indifferent and easy to hurt people. No matter what happens, I feel "too bad!" "It's terrible!" "What bad luck!" "How annoying!" This kind of person's mentality is not pleasing to the eye, and it is annoying to see it. He is always frowning and will never be happy.
The performance of sunshine mentality is: open-minded, cheerful, lively and relaxed; No matter what happens, I feel "great!" People with sunny mentality are often willing to contact and communicate with others, with stable emotions, positive attitude towards work and life, positive attitude towards others, family, unit and society, generous to others, low requirements, happy life and strong self-control ability. They can easily get help and support from others. In the face of difficulties and adversity, he will bravely say, "Great! I have the opportunity to exercise again! " Facing the misfortune of life, he thinks that everything has its disadvantages and a gain. I'm sure I can learn from my life in misfortune. This kind of psychology can turn weakness into strength, disadvantage into advantage, negative into positive, negative into positive, and bad into good. People with this mentality will always have a sense of success.
Many people with excellent living environment in the world see mud all day, while many people with poor living environment can find stars in misfortune. As we all know, many successful people in the world are disabled or have suffered a lot. Beethoven's deafness did not affect his creation of the most beautiful music in the world; Tchaikovsky's life was very embarrassing, but he wrote immortal Swan Lake and Pathetic Symphony. Tolstoy experienced hardships all his life, but he wrote War and Peace, which influenced the world. Darwin said, "If I didn't have such a disability, I would never have finished so much work."
In life, when you encounter misfortune, think about people who are more unfortunate than you, and think about how they got out of trouble and found happiness. Just like a person who is worried about having no money to buy shoes, when he goes out and sees a person without feet, he immediately feels so happy, because although he has no shoes, he still has two feet and can walk freely.
Let children learn to use the word "great" from an early age. He learned to face life optimistically and intelligently. No matter what difficulties and setbacks he encounters in the future, he can face them with a smile and his life will be happy.
Second, let children say more "I can do it" and say less "I can't"
Nowadays, many only children have become timid under the doting of their families. He didn't want to do anything you asked him to do, so he said, "I can't do it!" " "How can these children who have no confidence in themselves have pioneering spirit when they grow up?
"I can't do it" is a negative message. If you often use this information to hint at yourself, your self-confidence will be shaped by yourself unconsciously. "I can do it" is a positive message. If you often use this information to hint at yourself, a strong and confident attitude will be shaped by yourself.
What is disturbing is that in today's families, parents say "no" to their children far more than "yes". Adults often accuse children of being "too bad!" "Too bad!" "What a disappointment!" "It's hopeless" ... A child who grew up with such negative information all day may have lost his potential, so he really can't.
I hope parents must let their children establish the belief of "I can do it", let them do things freely, and taste the joy of success and the pain of failure by themselves. The child has gone to participate in the competition, and parents should encourage him: "I believe you can do it!" " "If the child loses the game, even if it is the last place, you should say," It is good to dare to participate in the game! " "If your own children don't believe that he can do it, who will believe him? Children who grow up shouting "I can't" will certainly compete with children who grow up shouting "I can". When "I can do it" becomes a belief, and as time goes by, it quietly sinks into the child's heart, and the child can really grow up.
Man is the greatest animal on earth, and he created this colorful world. The great strength of mankind is made up of the greatness of everyone. We should pay more attention to our own advantages and less attention to our own shortcomings, especially those that cannot be changed.
A writer once said with great certainty, "Everyone is a genius." Because everyone is different or better than others in some ways. Nature has given each of us great potential, waiting for us to discover and develop! You have to believe that no one is untalented. Those who think they are untalented are just those whose potential has not been developed.
To make a child feel that he can do it, he must go through an experience of defeating himself and challenging the limits, and then he will be pleasantly surprised to find-wow, I can do it!
Everyone has a magical brain and hands that can create miracles, but their talents are different: some students are good at writing and drawing, some students are good at singing and dancing, some students are diligent in thinking, and some students are good at doing things ... Smart people are good at giving full play to their own specialties, and stupid people love being sick and jealous.
We should make every child believe in "I can do it" in thought, show "I can do it" in behavior and experience "I can do it" in emotion.
Many children often say "I can't". This kind of consciousness has two sources: one is from self, which is called self-consciousness; The second is from others, called foreign consciousness. Some parents always think that their children are not good. A boy said, "I want to learn to swim." My mom said you can't. You have been weak since you were a child. It's too dangerous to get into the water! " I want to learn to cook, my mother said, no, it will burn my hands! I want to learn to ride a bike. My mother said, if I can't, I'll fall ... no, no, when can I do it? "
The mother seems to love her children very much, but in fact she is hurting them. If you always say "you can't" to your child, slowly, the child will feel that he really can't do anything. Once "I can't do it" takes root in children's minds, children will have no confidence in doing anything and feel that they can't move without their parents and teachers.
Therefore, first of all, only parents believe that children can do it, and children will feel that they can do it.
It is courage and self-confidence that dominate fate, which should be cultivated from an early age. When "I can do it" becomes a belief and quietly settles in children's hearts over time, they really grow up.
Third, let the children get closer to the excellent ones and be less jealous.
People's emotions are diverse and ever-changing. It can be divided into several groups: anger, fear, happiness, like, surprise, shame ... each of us lives in such emotions every day. The development of these emotions may tend to be positive or negative. What we need is to guide children's emotions to develop in a positive direction.
For example, the order in which the emotion of "jealousy" develops in the negative direction is:
Envy-jealousy-hatred-framing;
The order in which jealousy develops in a positive direction is:
Envy-closeness-learning-transcendence.
People who can develop their emotions in a positive direction are people with high emotional intelligence.
Envy becomes closeness, and when you get close to knowledgeable people, you will become more and more knowledgeable. But if you turn envy into jealousy, hatred and framing, it will be very unfavorable to your development. For example, when a person is a guest in a familiar house, he sees that the familiar house is luxurious and rich, so he walks out of the house of an acquaintance, and he will think: a big fire will burn it all tomorrow, and he will not think about how to surpass others. It's like two people running in a race, seeing others running in front, instead of chasing them.
Instead, I thought to myself: if a stone suddenly appeared on the runway, it would be beautiful to trip him up and knock out two teeth! This is a person with low emotional intelligence. Such people spend their whole lives in jealousy, resentment, anger, trouble, hatred and framing, so that they live too much trouble, trouble and fatigue. Others will be afraid, troublesome and tired because of his existence. It is difficult for such a person to have the prestige of the masses in the unit. The less prestige I have, the more uneasy I am, the more jealous I am of others, and the more lonely I am. If a unit has one or two such people, it will make the unit restless, which is a disaster for the unit, which is a disaster for the unit!
People who hate successful people can hardly succeed on their own; People who succeed in learning are easy to succeed.
A positive attitude will help you face adversity bravely and make you better in adversity. Negative attitude makes you unable to face the setbacks in life, and you can't afford the burden of life. I can only indulge myself and be defeated by setbacks. Frustration and adversity in life are inevitable, and the only thing we can do is to change our mentality.
Fourth, let children stand in space to see the world more, and stand at the bottom of the valley to see their feet less.
Faced with many troubles in life, Teacher Wei Shusheng asked us to think like this: From a spatial point of view, there are 1000 billion galaxies in the universe, and there are 1 000 billion stars in the galaxies. Looking up at the starry sky, we saw the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl among the stars. We thought that our earth was a star much smaller than the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl. There are more than 5 billion people living on this little star, so isn't a person just a speck of dust? What's worth fighting for? From the vertical perspective of human history, human beings have a history of millions of years. It is a very short moment for a person to live a lifetime, 80 or 90 years old, that is, tens of thousands of molecules in human history. Life is so small and short, we don't need to compare status, honor and money with some people, but we should save those time, be kind to ourselves, be kind to others and happily do something beneficial to ourselves and others.
Standing in space to see the world, people will naturally be generous and cultivate a healthy and humiliated mentality. Tell children not to care too much about other people's reputations. Don't be particularly happy when others praise you; Don't be particularly sad when others slander you. To achieve "mentality like water". Water gives a soft impression, but it has amazing power, moistens everything and breeds vitality. However, it never shows off or feels inferior. It always runs silently between heaven and earth and becomes an eternal way of life. This is the domain of nature.
There is a children's song that goes like this:
Sea, sea, I ask you, why are you so sad?
The sea sang back to me, and I held the sky in my arms.
It contains rich philosophy of life.
Standing at the bottom of the valley and looking at your feet, you will have an excessive sense of self-protection, reputation, status, property, and other people's comments. You will care about everything and carry it on your back as a burden. In this way, your psychological burden will become heavier and heavier, and your distress will become more and more.
5. Give children more good news and less bad news.
Whether a child's mentality is good or not, and whether his life is happy or not, depends to some extent on his parents' mentality. On the premise of adequate food and clothing, happiness is only a matter of thought. How to teach children to be happy? A very important way is to "give children more good news and less bad news". Getting a good news every day is very different from getting a bad news every day.
Some people will say, can you find so much good news in life? Sure！ As Rodin said: "Life is not a lack of beauty, but a lack of eyes to find beauty." And what I want to say is: life is not short of good news, but the lack of heart to find good news.
There is good news everywhere. Sunny weather is good news because the sun is shining; Rain is good news, because rain can moisten everything; Snow is good news, because it makes the earth white. It's good news that willows sprout outside the window, grass sprouts, flowers bloom, the moon rises and sets … Everything can be good news!
Nature is generous and full of good news; Society is not harsh, truth, goodness and beauty can be seen everywhere. The key is to have the heart to find good news.
There are many excellent parents who are always full of love for life despite their poor families. They silently convey the message that "living is good news" to their children, and use their own strength and optimism to block their negative and pessimistic attitude towards life.
Some parents, on the other hand, always complain about the whole world and blame others, so that their children's minds are full of bad news since childhood. In the eyes of a child, the world is dark and his life is bleak.
Capturing good news for children is to let children look at the whole world with appreciation and repay them with a grateful attitude towards life. In that way, children will learn to find a little light in their daily complicated life and enjoy the time without sunshine on cloudy days.
The purpose of "giving more good news to children" is to keep children happy. Many teachers have this experience: if one day you praise a child, the child's learning mood will be high all day, and he will speak actively in class and do his homework carefully. The reason is that the child's mood was happy and relaxed that day.
"Give children more good news", to put it more profoundly, is actually educating children about the world outlook and outlook on life.
Six, do more practical things, less fantasy.
When people have nothing to do, troubles and worries will haunt you. At this time, you can do some simple things, such as reciting two words, reciting a poem, practicing calligraphy, keeping a diary and doing an exercise ... People will feel satisfied, enriched, proud and happy in the process of doing one practical thing after another. At least when doing these things, there is no time to worry and worry.
Seven, let children do more interesting things and think less about annoying things.
In study, work and life, we often encounter some unavoidable troubles, such as mistakes in exams, misunderstanding by others, conflicts between classmates, family disputes, etc ... How to get rid of knowing that troubles are useless, but you can't laugh and get upset? The effective way is to pick one that interests you. Love art and paint at the moment; Love music, sing now; Love calligraphy, now practice calligraphy; Love to dance, dance now; Play ball if you like; If you like playing chess, you can play chess ... in this way, after finishing one or more interesting things, your troubles may disappear and your happy mood will be restored.
Eight, let the children smile more and be less sad.
Smile, ten years old; Trouble, sorrow, hoary head. This is the wise man's advice. Life owes us nothing, so there is no need to be sad all the time. Smile is an attitude towards life, which is not necessarily related to wealth, status and circumstances. A rich man may be worried all day, while a poor man may be happy all day; A noble lady may frown, and a disabled person may be calm and optimistic. ...
It's normal for a person's mood to be affected by the environment, but you can't change the situation with a sad face and a bitter face. On the contrary, if you live with a smile, you will increase your affinity, others will be more willing to associate with you, and there will be more opportunities to get help.
Only those who have sunshine in their hearts can feel the sunshine of reality. If they are always sad, how can life be beautiful? Life is always a mirror, which reflects our image. When we cry, life is crying, and when we smile, life is smiling.