Is it to ask seven aunts and eight aunts for help, to bring in all kinds of reinforcements and lobbyists, or to let them "work" naturally until the minor illness of marriage becomes a serious illness or even a terminal illness?

In fact, when your marriage has problems, you might as well seek help from a professional emotional counselor. The so-called professional things are left to professional people, and professional emotional counselors can help you intervene in time when the marriage is in crisis, so that the relationship between husband and wife can return to love.

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As an emotional counselor who has worked for more than ten years, I have helped thousands of cases. I deeply feel that if professional emotional counselors get involved early, most crisis marriages can be saved.

Because a relationship, like a long dam, may be strong and safe before, but after a long time, there will be the risk of water seepage.

If these risks are discovered in time, the gap can be blocked in advance, so that the thousands of miles of riverbanks of marriage will not be destroyed by ant nests one day.

I have a client who lives in a city in the northwest. She is gentle and kind, and her husband is a local special police officer. He is tall and handsome, considerate and caring.

To outsiders, their marriage is extremely happy, but this girl has a problem that always bothers her: she always suspects that her husband is having an affair with other members of the opposite sex.

To this end, she did all kinds of crazy things.

For example, she calls her husband more than a dozen times a day, and even if he is on a business trip or meeting, she insists that he answer it himself, otherwise, she won't bother. She will also check her husband's mobile phone and always stubbornly look for some "clues" of her husband's derailment.

The craziest thing is that she will drive to track her husband's whereabouts. When she described the situation of stalking her husband to me, she seemed to be describing something that made her extremely excited. She chattered and was extremely excited. Although, every time she followed, she got nothing. But she just believes that her husband must be cheating, or preparing to cheat.

You can imagine how annoyed her husband was at her behavior.

Love another person, or tolerate another person, but seeing that this person does not trust himself so much, this swat husband will eventually become more and more disheartened. Two people began to quarrel, and one day, the girl finally got what she wanted-she was in the cinema, and finally stopped her husband and another female colleague from watching the movie.

Instead of spinning around in circles, she felt that she finally got what she wanted-everything proved her guess. She was in pain, making a scene and accusing the swat husband.

The same painful swat husband finally slammed a sentence: Otherwise, let's divorce.

Speaking of divorce, this girl can't stand it at all. Calm down and think about how good this man is to himself. She thinks there must be something wrong with her. So, she came to me to consult her marriage, one is how to save her husband, and the other is how to solve her psychological problems.

The first time I consulted, I found the girl's growth problem: her father cheated on her when she was a child and abandoned her and her mother. My mother cried for her since she was a child. Men are unreliable. At a young age, she has long felt the secret of her father's affair. She must want to hug her father's thigh and keep the father who is ready to abandon her and her mother.

However, my father finally left them.

This has caused her lifelong psychological harm. In the marriage, she decided that her husband would have an affair, and she had an inexplicable psychological excitement when she pursued him. To some extent, she hopes to return to the scene of "catching" her father's affair when she was a child. The reappearance of this childhood injury scene made her relive one of the strongest emotions of pain and happiness.

Caught her husband is actually a reappearance of her father's desire to cheat. Such actions have the meaning of existence. In this sense, her life confusion-for example, men are unreliable-seems to have been confirmed.

Therefore, such emotional counseling should first make her aware of her psychological problems, not her husband's problems, and then her anxiety can return to her inner view of her inner problems from looking for the outside world.

Of course, at the same time, we should also guide her to communicate with her husband, so that he can realize his psychological background, better understand her, support her and face these problems with her.

Because she is beautiful and kind, she has a high value appeal to her husband, who has always loved her, but can't stand her suspicious personality. After two people can communicate with each other and let her husband know that the girl's childhood injury caused her suspicion and other problems, her husband naturally chose to tolerate her and get back together with her.

Two people go to see a counselor together and face the problems in marriage together.

Now, they are as good as ever. Some time ago, she sent me several videos about how her husband got up early to cook porridge for her and cared about her various performances. She left a message saying: I have experienced storms, so I know the importance of guarding a good marriage.

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Over the years, the divorce rate of China people is getting higher and higher, while the marriage rate is declining. As soon as the news of the celebrity couple's divorce came out, many people felt more afraid of marriage.

It is difficult to get married, and marital infidelity, cold violence, husband-wife quarrel, asexual marriage and other phenomena are even more common.

Therefore, behind the turbulent marriage of China people, there is a huge demand for emotional counselors.

In China, emotional education consulting companies have been very popular since 20 14, and they have exploded in recent years. At present, industry statistics show that there are more than 5,000 emotional education consulting companies.

Mainly distributed in the north, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen, especially in Shandong and Guangdong. According to statistics, there are about 500 emotional education consulting companies in Guangzhou and Shenzhen.

There are a variety of clients seeking help from emotional counselors, but the most common types are as follows:

The first is to save the emotional type. This is the most business done by major emotional consulting companies at present. There is a crisis in the relationship, one party wants to break up, and the other party is not ready. The painful party will ask the emotional counselor for help, and how to save their feelings through guidance.

The first is to take off the single counseling. At present, a large number of older single unmarried people urgently need to get rid of the bill, but how to get rid of it? How to know the right opposite sex? What are the skills of falling in love? Wait a minute. These also make confused singles come to emotional counselors for help.

The first is the diagnosis and treatment of cheating marriage. One side of the marriage is cheating, and the other side is suffering. How to face your partner's infidelity, break up or stay? If you keep it, how can you keep it back? How to make the derailed party break up with the mistress outside? Wait a minute. These problems that sound like headaches seem to require professional emotional counselors to find solutions.

Another is marriage repair. Two people may not have an affair, and both of them are not ready to break up, but they are caught in various low-quality marriage States such as "cold violence, nothing to say, asexual marriage". How to get out of these wedding cards? How to improve the marriage quality?

These, it seems, must also seek the help of emotional counselors.

When you decide to seek the help of a professional emotional counselor, first find out, are you going to seek each other's help offline or online?

The advantage of being online is that you can avoid the pain of traveling by boat, just like seeing an Internet doctor online. Even if you don't go to the city where the consultant is located, you can enjoy each other's "questions" online;

The advantage of offline is that you can communicate face to face with the emotional counselor, you can see the real expression of the other person, you can interact actively in time, and the counselor can judge your problem more accurately from your physical and psychological expressions.

So I suggest you seek offline emotional counseling, but if it is really inconvenient for you to go to the city where the psychological counselor is located, you can also choose his online counseling.

When consulting, you can consult alone or with your partner or spouse. As described in Marriage Story, which won the Oscar for best film on 20 19, the husband and wife sat together in front of the emotional counselor, pouring out their problems and seeking solutions.

The advantage of two people consulting together is that the counselor can judge the problem more objectively-the so-called marriage problem must be that both sides have big or small responsibilities to bear.

In addition, at present, professional emotional counselors use many consulting methods and choose many schools.

For example, only in the gender field of marital emotional counseling and treatment, there are the following methods and schools that may be adopted by psychological counselors:

? Psychoanalytic therapy;

? 2? Behavioral therapy;

? 3? New psychosexual therapy;

? 4? Humanistic psychotherapy;

? 5? Compromise therapy;

? 6? Other sexual psychotherapy (hypnotherapy, intimacy therapy, marriage therapy, partner replacement therapy, self-stimulation therapy, group therapy, supportive psychotherapy, etc. )

Many people may be familiar with Hellinger's family arrangement theory, positive psychotherapy, the theory of origin family, music therapy and so on. Counselors may use it.

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How to prevent yourself from being fooled by unreliable emotional counselors?

When the industry broke out and various emotional consulting companies poured in, the most urgent problem for ordinary people with emotional consulting needs may be:

There are so many emotional counseling advertisements on the Internet, how to tell the true from the false?

Open all kinds of social software, pop up advertisements to save feelings, which are liars and emotional experts who really have the ability to solve problems?

Facing all kinds of emotional experts with beautifully packaged resumes, who is Gui Li and who is Mr. Dong Guo?

……

Only by recognizing these things clearly will you not "rush to see a doctor" when you are in pain. In order not to be used by people with ulterior motives, you can cheat money and be fooled.

How to distinguish a reliable emotional consulting company from an emotional consultant?

Look at its founder background and company background. Do you have a long-term professional background in the emotional counseling industry? Have you ever published any related works? Have you won any related awards? Do you have any professional training and learning experience in the emotional counseling industry?

If it doesn't exist at all, then at least it can be proved that it is a halfway decent emotional consulting company. It may only come for your money, but it may not really solve your emotional problems.

Second, look at its service commitment. Beware of those companies that promise that 100% can be recovered, and those companies that promise to solve the problem within a week and constantly induce you to pay-they are like "Putian Hospital" in the field of emotional counseling, and the treatment is very small, and collecting money is the most important thing.

Third, look at the resume of his emotional counselor. Those so-called emotional counselors, who take a few photos, and then give them all kinds of true and false titles, claim to have invented some emotional counseling therapy, and are basically liars.

I once went to see an emotional consulting company. In the office, the so-called emotional counselors are all college students in their twenties who have just graduated. The newspaper reported that the police seized a so-called emotional consulting company and found that the so-called emotional mentor used to be a "courier, chef" and so on. Their purpose is not to solve emotional problems for customers, but only one: how to use the painful psychology of customers to fool each other into paying money.

There is no way out. China is as big as telecom fraud. No matter how people appeal, people will always be cheated.

The same is true in the field of emotional counseling. Professional and experienced emotional counselors may not be known because of poor advertising marketing. And those emotional counselors who are flying all over the sky advertising and marketing are also asking for help.

Therefore, when you encounter emotional confusion and are ready to find a professional emotional counselor, you should also keep your eyes open and look at the other party: Is it over-marketed by advertisements? Or do you really have real skills?

Feelings are not easy, a good emotional counselor may help you turn the corner, and an emotional counselor who lives by fooling will make your emotional crisis worse. Therefore, when you have emotional problems and need to go to an emotional counselor for help, you must be cautious and cautious.

You are welcome to write to me, and I will give you more guidance.

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