An analysis of the family education of the only child I. Problems in the growth of the only child
Since the implementation of the family planning policy in China, the number of only children has been increasing, which has attracted the attention of all walks of life. Only children are valued, not only because of the increase in the number, but also because they have many problems in the process of growing up. These problems mainly come from two aspects, such as arrogance, excessive dependence on parents, lack of confidence and courage, and dislike of labor.
1. Strong dependence. Since there is only one child in a family, parents help the child to do everything well, which makes the child develop the habit of relying on his parents. No matter what happens to children and what difficulties they encounter, they always think that there is no need to worry about their parents' help. On weekdays, parents never let their children take on a little housework, "clothes come to reach out and food comes to mouth." In the long run, children's sense of independence is gradually replaced by dependence and laziness.
2. Be self-centered. Due to the excessive care of parents and elders, the only child lives in his own small circle and rarely contacts with others and society, which makes them feel that they are always right. Even if your actions hurt others, you don't realize it's your own problem, and you still stubbornly think it's right to do so. They don't care about the feelings of others, don't cherish the care given by others, and lack compassion and tolerance. Everything starts from "I" and only thinks of myself.
3. Lack of social responsibility. The life and study of the only child are often carried out under the protection of parents. No matter what happens, they just want to get the benefits they can get, and never want to contribute to society and safeguard the interests of the country and the collective. They only feel that they have the right to be cared for and never fulfill their obligation to help others.
Second, the only child family education problems and reasons
The level of family education has a great relationship with parents' ideology, moral level, their own quality and interpersonal relationship. The key to improving the level of family education lies in improving parents' personal literacy. Faced with the only child and the fierce competition in the society, it is difficult for parents of the only child to imagine what their children will do in the future, what role they may play, and whether they can contribute to others and society. These are increasingly confusing problems for parents.
(A) parents over-control, children strongly resist
Some parents don't have high cultural quality and usually don't pay attention to all aspects of their children's education. Once a child has problems, the first way to think of education is to beat and scold. Because parents have not received a good education, they especially advocate the educational model of "filial son under the stick" without paying attention to their own demonstration and exemplary role. They think that the status of parents and children is unequal, and children have no right to oppose their parents' views at all, only the obligation to accept their parents' views. In this way, the relationship between parents and children becomes antagonistic, and in this case, it is difficult for education to proceed smoothly. This parental control leads to the lack of communication between parents and children, and the gap is getting deeper and deeper. It also leads to children not accepting their parents' advice and unwilling to listen to their parents' advice. Some children even carry out strong resistance, such as revenge on their parents or suicide.
(2) Parents attach importance to material giving and ignore moral education.
Some parents think that their responsibility is to provide good material conditions for their children, and children's education is a school matter, not their own. They only care about their academic performance and don't care about their children's moral education. With the development of economy, the progress of science and technology and the opening of policy, many people began to exert their talents through hard work, and their material life was improved. Some people soon become rich. They began to be busy with their careers, work and entertainment every day, and completely pushed the task of educating their children to the school. Once a child makes a mistake, he always wants to find a teacher and rarely reflects on his own educational methods and ideas.
(3) Parents are arranged to take the place of others and overindulge their children.
The phenomenon of doting on children is particularly common in today's society, which has two main characteristics: first, children have no rules in the family, and parents have not punished them in time; Second, doting makes children lack the courage to cope with difficulties and the ability to adapt to society. Nowadays, most families are only-child families, and children have become the center of the whole family. No matter what kind of request the child makes, parents will try their best to meet it. Provide children with expensive food, high fashion, etc. It has caused children to have bad hobbies such as eating, dressing, showing off and vanity. As "only children", parents are afraid of falling, sports injuries, losing money with classmates and getting lost when going out. Parents tied their children tightly with the rope of love. Living under the umbrella of parents, children don't need exercise or practice. Under such doting conditions, children tend to form selfish personality, take others' tolerance and understanding for granted, and only ask others to appreciate him, but they can't see the advantages of others and don't think about others. In learning, due to the lack of strict requirements and correct guidance for children, children lack self-motivation and self-confidence. When they encounter new problems, they want to escape, not face and solve them bravely.
(d) Parents' bad behavior indirectly affects their children.
In our concept, everyone hopes that their children can embark on a correct and successful road and hope that their children can make a difference in their careers. However, there is also a phenomenon in society that parents go astray and children eventually embark on the road of crime because of their lack of discrimination. First, parents don't realize their mistakes and instigate their children to do so. They always satisfy their own desires and impose their own consciousness on their children, and their words and deeds often mislead them. Because children are young and lack discrimination and cognition, they are likely to embark on the road of crime. Second, parents' view of money will also affect their children. Some parents think that as long as money is used to solve all problems and the values of "money talks" are followed, this outlook on life will affect children. In later life, when children face a society full of temptations and fierce competition, the way they think of is not to face difficulties bravely and solve problems honestly, but to be opportunistic. Third, parents' bad behavior is subtly passed on to their children. Parents are their children's first teachers, and their words and deeds have a great influence on their children. Some bad behaviors of parents will indirectly affect children's physical and mental health.
Parents force their children to set the future.
Based on the characteristics of our traditional culture and social psychology, parents often have high expectations for their children, hoping that their children will become useful talents in society and outstanding figures of the times. This kind of thinking has had a series of influences on parents: First, many parents realize that it is difficult to gain a foothold in society without knowledge, study and talent in the face of a challenging future. Therefore, parents pay special attention to their children's intellectual investment and implement "surplus education", "advanced education" and "overweight education" for their children. No matter what their interests are, they are full seven days a week: English on Monday, math on Tuesday and music on Wednesday ... Second, because they are only children, all parents think that their children are the best, the best and the most capable, and they can't lag behind other children in any way, but this idea has caused great psychological pressure on their children. This kind of education is mainly manifested in forcing children to complete various learning tasks at their desks, which violates the law of children's growth. Perhaps in the early days, children's academic performance will improve, and parents will be temporarily satisfied. However, long-term control and imposition also make children lose the ability to play freely and the right to choose independently, which often leads to personality distortion and may lead to revenge and rebellion.
Third, the only child family education countermeasures
(1) Parents should pay attention to communication with their children.
Build a democratic family. Family members respect each other, love each other and are equal. The younger generation respects the older generation, and the older generation cares and cares for the younger generation. Children should have their own free space and secrets. No matter what happens, parents should discuss with their children before making a decision. In this way, parents and children have their own responsibilities and work together to build a beautiful family. Punishment and encouragement coexist, but encouragement is stronger than punishment. Besides, we should realize that education without punishment is not a complete education. When your child makes mistakes, he must be punished accordingly. Let him know that people are responsible for what they do. But the punishment should be moderate and not excessive. More often, children need to be encouraged and recognized by their parents, thus improving their self-confidence. Parents should praise and affirm their children's progress in study and life, so that they can be full of courage and confidence and bravely face all kinds of difficulties in study and life.
(B) Pay attention to children's moral education
Family education should attach importance to moral education. Many parents only attach importance to their children's intellectual education, ignoring moral education and physical and mental development. Parents believe that as long as children are smart, they will become useful talents. Therefore, they began to force their children to learn painting, dancing and other talents, and strive to make their children become "geniuses" in the eyes of others, hoping that their children can get ahead. However, this kind of education hinders children's development. Moral education should be put in the first place in family education. Parents should not only actively cooperate with the school's educational arrangements, but also help their children learn to be human, learn to do things, learn to learn to live, establish a correct outlook on life, values and world outlook, and establish the mainstream world outlook of the new generation of only children: love the motherland, love the people, be positive and optimistic, and be polite. Having both ability and political integrity is the real talent. Therefore, family education should attach importance to moral education and provide children with a healthy, harmonious, happy and warm family environment.
(C) pay attention to the cultivation of children's awareness of modern people
First of all, cultivate children's independent thinking ability. No matter in life or in study, parents should not rush to give their children answers to their questions, but should inspire their children to use their brains and get the correct answers. In daily life, parents should ask their children some questions from time to time, so that the children can find the answers themselves, seek the root causes and finally draw the correct conclusions; Secondly, cultivate children's sense of autonomy. Children will grow up, leave their parents and go to society. Parents should cultivate children's awareness of "doing their own things" when they are young, such as eating, dressing, washing clothes and other small things in life, so as to cultivate children's sense of labor and autonomy and let them better adapt to society in the future. Children's nature is curiosity. When they see anything new, they should ask why. Parents should seize the opportunity to cultivate their children's freshness and curiosity, cultivate their innovative consciousness and stimulate their creativity.
(D) Education in combination with the law of children's growth.
In the one-child family, parents put all their enthusiasm on their children, but in the process of education, parents often ignore the growth law of their children and only impose their will on them. Cai Yuanpei, a famous educator, said, "Educators would rather be natural than law-abiding; You should not make plans, but show your personality. You should respect your children's own choices, give them freedom, let them make their own decisions, and follow the law of their growth.
(5) Learn from foreign family education methods.
Family education is a part of comprehensive education and an important part of education in any country, which has no national boundaries. In view of the differences of national conditions and cultural traditions in different countries, the educational methods in family education may be different in different countries, but every parent's desire for the healthy growth of their children is the same, and every parent's expectation for the future development of their children is the same, so the experience of educating children can be exchanged, learned and supplemented. For example, family education in Britain pays attention to cultivating children's independent survival ability and autonomy, and every family pays special attention to their own exercise. At this point, China's family education is not enough, especially the one-child family. Grandparents, grandparents and even parents spoil their children too much, and many things are done to help them, which makes them lose their ability to do things. From this perspective, we need to learn from some foreign educational methods to further improve our family education.