This film describes a common phenomenon in the family. Parents' constant preaching on the same question is a monotonous stimulus, and children will gradually close their ears. Your words are like background noise, and children will turn a deaf ear. Especially adolescent children, in the long run, will close their hearts, refuse to communicate with their parents, and even appear rebellious. Psychologically, this phenomenon is called "over-limit effect", which refers to the psychological phenomenon of excessive stimulation, too strong or too long action time, thus causing psychological impatience or rebellion. To put it bluntly, you are too wordy!
In daily life, do you often play the role of "over-limit" parents? For example, because children are playful, their test scores are not satisfactory. When parents see the results, they immediately criticize and educate their children not to study hard, and the children themselves feel guilty. They agreed with their parents' criticism at that time. One day, parents saw their children watching TV before finishing their homework, and immediately began to focus on bombing preaching, from the reasons for the failure of the last exam to the disappointing performance today, predicting the failure scenes such as the mid-term and final exams. At this time, children are disgusted with their parents' preaching and have resistance to learning. A few days before the exam, parents couldn't help but "be emotional and be reasonable", hoping that their children would study hard and not repeat the last mistake. The same topic for several days. The child's psychology ranges from initial guilt and anxiety to disgust and then to ignoring numbness. In the end, he is forced to be anxious, and there will be rebellious psychology and behavior of "I insist on this" and "I won't let you do whatever you want". From the above cases, it can be seen that bad education methods such as long time, too much content or monotonous repetition may cause children's over-limit effect.
In the process of educating children, how to avoid the over-limit effect and realize effective communication?
Here comes the dry goods, please look down carefully. The psychology teacher is knocking on the blackboard. Please pay attention! )
Sometimes, in the face of children's behavior problems, many parents often complain about their children and pour out their bad emotions. The parent-child relationship is stiff and the children don't understand what you want him to do. For example, if a child drags his homework, it can be finished in one hour, and often it can't be finished in two hours. Mother complained about this: "How many times have I said, don't think about doing homework?" Then my mother came into the room: "Look at you, your desk is in a mess, magazines, mobile phones. Can you not be distracted? " Pack your things quickly. Seeing the child pouting, the mother did not forget to say it again before leaving the room: "Drink less water, or go to the toilet for half an hour. I really don't know if you are using it seriously! "hey!" . Children are impatient at the moment, so how can the efficiency of doing homework be high?
Mother's instructions, one after another, pour out, and don't know what to let the children do. The correct way is to tell the child clearly: "I want you to clean up the desktop and give you an hour to concentrate on finishing your homework." After that, you can go out of the room and do other things. " I believe you can do it. "Instructions, including time, tasks and your expectations of him, are clear and realistic.
In the face of children's problem behavior, the most effective way for parents is to talk about the matter and point out his wrong behavior. Don't ramble about old accounts, judge children's behavior easily and label them indiscriminately. For example, if the child didn't do well in the exam, he wouldn't dare to tell you when he got home. He told you after you asked. Knowing this, I immediately became angry: "Look at you, which thing is done well. You haven't corrected your procrastination in doing your homework, but now you have learned to hide your grades. You are not only lazy, but also not self-motivated! " Think about it, can children talk to you calmly after listening to you?
In the face of children's situation, we can actually use the "I-information" mode to communicate with children, and the effect will be better.
Describe the child's behavior: Son, you didn't take the initiative to tell me today's test results when you came back.
Tell me about your feelings: I feel very unhappy because you deprived me of my right to know as a father/mother. Of course, I'm also confused. What is the reason why you don't want to tell me? Do you think I will scold you or nag you without help?
(3) Express your needs: I hope mom and dad are the people you can turn to for help. Son, please let me know your situation and give me a chance to help you.
The "I-information" communication mode consists of three parts: describing children's behavior+expressing your feelings+expressing your needs. Because "I-information" is peaceful and frank, it will encourage children to respond to their parents equally frankly, effectively avoiding the destructive parent-child communication in the case.
American psychologist Jane nelsen said, "If parents can talk less and do more, 75% of children's problems are likely to disappear." .
I believe this child doesn't want to make mistakes intentionally to annoy his parents or challenge them. Maybe he just doesn't know or doesn't have enough ability to do it well Therefore, when parents point out their children's wrong behavior, they should demonstrate the correct practice and help their children master the ability of correct behavior.
For example, for those children who spend pocket money indiscriminately, this behavior occurs because their self-control ability is weak and it is difficult to resist the temptation of the outside world, or because they have not yet got the correct concept of financial management and consumption behavior. These abilities are not born to children. They need constant cultivation and guidance from parents, and they should be given enough "repeated" growth time.
China's paintings pay attention to "carelessness and impenetrability". With "blank space", there will be more imagination and beauty. So is family education. Parents should "don't talk" and leave some "blanks" in the usual dialogue with their children, so that the children can think and reflect on themselves. In this way, children will open their hearts and make friends with you.
There is an interesting story about the overrun effect. Mark Twain is a famous American humorist. Once, he went to the church to listen to the priest's speech. At first, he felt that the priest spoke very well and was very moved, and he was ready to donate all his money. 10 minutes later, before the priest finished speaking, he got a little impatient and decided to donate only some small change. After another 10 minutes, the priest still didn't finish, and decided not to donate a penny. The priest finally finished his long speech. Mark Twain was very tired when he started to raise money. Instead of donating money, he stole 2 dollars from the plate.
It can be seen that if you want to make your words work, you can't simply repeat the same words for a long time, but you should communicate effectively with your children from many angles and in many ways. Using the above three skills to communicate effectively, you may soon really experience the power of "in a word" and enjoy a harmonious and intimate parent-child relationship. Try it quickly!