At the beginning of mediation, Ms. Huang complained about her husband's education. She gave an example. The child is thirteen years old, just finished the first grade, and went home happily with his report card. Seeing that my husband's English score is only 29, he called his son a loser. All kinds of ugly words are scolded, which can be said to have a great impact on children.
Although the husband thinks it is normal for his father to scold his son, Ms. Huang Can can't accept it, because the children have been staying at home all those years, and they don't have much emotional foundation, so she doesn't want her husband to educate their children in this way.
Mr. Li admits one thing. At that time, he was very angry as soon as he saw 29 points. He couldn't believe that his son had worked so hard to show him this, but two or three days later he found that he had really done something wrong.
After he calmed down that day, he went to school to find out the situation. I didn't expect him to know that the grade was printed wrong, and his son should get 92 points, which made him dumbfounded. It was this oolong incident that worsened their father-son relationship. Even if he apologized orally afterwards, he could not get his son's understanding and made him regret it.
What surprised the couple even more was the far-reaching impact this incident brought to their son. According to Ms. Huang, after her husband scolded her, her son returned to his hometown. Before long, she found that her son had undergone earth-shaking changes. At that time, my son stopped studying and his grades dropped from the top of the class to the bottom. What she didn't expect was that the husband began to scold his son again, and compared his son's cousin, belittling his son and aggravating the contradiction.
Mr. Li does not deny that he did compare his children with those of relatives. Every time I call my son to scold him, he either cries or doesn't talk, and never refutes. In addition, my son was too disobedient during that time, and the teacher called from time to time to say his son's problems, which made him very angry. Since you don't listen, scold and fight.
What worries Ms. Huang even more is that in the third grade, her son has changed a lot, from a good boy to a non-mainstream one, either with a bald head or a strange hairstyle. She clearly felt her son's confrontation with them.
Later, my son was fired from his freshman year of high school because of a group fight. Seeing his son come home, Mr. Li was very angry. He felt that his son should suffer a little and feel the hardships of his work. To this end, he took 16-year-old son to get up at four o'clock to take care of the shop. Sometimes he will be busy until twelve o'clock at night, but whenever he is dissatisfied, he will scold him. It is because of this that the relationship between father and son has deteriorated.
My son came to the stage and said that he had listened to the audience for a long time. He knows that his parents have been blaming themselves, but what he wants to say is that not all the mistakes are caused by his parents. Those things did have a great influence on him, but he was in a rebellious period, in fact, he was wrong.
Regarding his own changes, he explained that he is actually a person who can't stand the temptation of the outside world and loves to play. When I was a child, I got good grades because I was only exposed to learning. After that, I touched more things, and he began to change. In his view, the biggest problem now is that he and his father both want to be close, but there is no good communication opportunity, and every day they just quarrel.
Mediator Bai wants to remind Mr. Li that family education should focus on positive encouragement. At the same time, parents ask their children to be obedient and have directions and standards, instead of listening to friends around them say what their children will become other people's children. In addition, I want them to understand that most children don't like to compare with other children. Finally, it is pointed out that parents' anxiety will actually affect their children's education, hoping to attract attention.
After the mediation, Xiao Li took the initiative to take a big step towards his parents, and the interaction between the three people was very smooth. All misunderstandings and the past, in their tightly connected hands, have become clouds. Many times our parents habitually encourage their children through negative education, but it is often counterproductive. In fact, children prefer the education of affirmation, encouragement and love.