Personality has stability, which is mainly manifested in a stable attitude towards reality. Under normal circumstances, once a character is cultivated, it is often difficult to change. For example, for a character like Lin Chong, the basic attitude of his personality is forbearance. Therefore, after mistakenly entering Baihutang, he was framed and exiled to Cangzhou, and endured all the way. When he heard that Liu and his gang were plotting to harm him, he raised a knife and looked for it several times, but he couldn't find it, so he had to endure it. Finally, he set fire to the grass yard, and he couldn't bear it. He began to kill people and drove him to Liangshan.
Character is a behavior habit. People's attitude towards one thing is often used to it, not fickle, but faithful. For example, in the face of beggars in the street, some people show sympathy, while others show indifference. This behavior attitude or way is a habit, which is closely related to his habitual personality characteristics.
Personality and education have always been valued by educators. As early as 2500 years ago, Confucius, an educator in China, had a clear understanding of this aspect. There is such a passage in The Analects:
Lutz asked, "Where's Sven?" Confucius said, "With my father and brother around, how can I smell and act!" You Ran asked, "Where is Sven?" Confucius said, "Si Wen must do it!" Gong Xihua said, "You still ask,' What did Si Wen do?' Confucius said:' Father and brother'; Begging also asks, "Steven Zhu Xing?" Confucius said:' Si Wen Xing Zhi'. Red is also a feeling, dare to ask? Confucius said, "Seek to retreat, so advance; Because I am also a person, I retired. "
In fact, this is an example of Confucius teaching students in accordance with their aptitude. The reason in this paper is Lutz, and Lutz is the most bloody and character among Confucius disciples. Confucius commented on him like this, "Wild is wild!" In other words, Yu is a brave and heartless figure. Confucius knew his character very well, so he let him restrain himself, so he should consult his father and brother more. Seeking truth, that is, You Ran, is both introverted and timid. Therefore, Confucius encouraged him to act decisively and boldly.
There is an old saying in China: "Look big at three years old", and a child's character is formed around five years old. So, how should parents understand the relationship between personality and children's education? How should parents cultivate their children's good character?
The family is the basic group and unit of society, and the family is the place where children receive education at the earliest. In a sense, children's earliest teachers are their parents, and they are the first teachers of enlightenment education. Every move, word and deed of parents have a subtle influence on children. Many habits, personalities and qualities of children are acquired from their parents. Many parents don't understand this deeply. Some parents are one thing when educating their children, but another in their own behavior. Their words and deeds are inconsistent, and their appearances are also inconsistent. Bringing the "personality mask" obtained in society into the education of your children will affect the cultivation of children's good character.
Studies have shown that different parenting styles will lead to different personalities of children.
1. If parents take care of their children too much, don't let them go to independent activities, and are afraid that their children will encounter danger or be bullied by them, their children will become timid, dependent, indecisive and withdrawn, and it is difficult to adapt to collective life.
2. If parents overindulge and spoil their children, they will be developed into willfulness, spoilage, pride, impudence, rudeness, nervousness, self-centeredness, lack of sense of responsibility and patience.
If parents are indifferent to their children, children are more willing to seek love from others and try their best to attract their attention. Some people are crazy, some people like to make trouble or attack others, and some people show emotional indifference or introversion.
When parents discipline their children too harshly, this kind of family education will make them timid, cowardly, inferior or rude, rebellious, dishonest and lie to protect themselves.
5. If parents' attitudes towards their children are hot and cold and capricious, children often show emotional instability, suspicion and worry, and lack of opinions or judgment.
6. If parents have an unfair attitude towards many children, it is often the reason for the formation of children's jealous psychological personality.
The family education problems listed above are not intentional by parents, but are manifested unconsciously or on impulse in the process of educating children. Parents must attach importance to the process of educating their children, because different education methods may directly lead to the formation of their children's character.
Some parents are certainly not aware of their personality defects, so many problems in education are unintentional. I think parents should fully realize some shortcomings in their own personality when educating their children, so as to avoid bringing their subjective emotions to their children as much as possible and reduce the shadow in the process of children's personality formation. It's hard to do this. We have always advocated that children should be patient and make friends with them. But it is easier said than done, because in real life, our parents are really burdened and stressed in life, work, society and emotion. Nine times out of ten, it is difficult for parents to keep calm and stable emotions all the time, while some parents bring these emotions to their children. Even some parents have lost confidence in their children and think that their children are hopeless, so whether they ask or not, "teaching without distinction" has become an empty talk.
How to define a good character? Its standards should be: lively and cheerful, enthusiastic and straightforward, steady and dignified, brave and strong, careful and meticulous, confident and independent, active in cooperation, loving learning, being good at getting along with others and adapting to society well.
In my opinion, parents are not required to cultivate their children into this type of person. If so, society will be the same and colorless. Different personalities may be suitable for different occupations, and many Chinese and foreign writers have personality defects, because such defects may make it easier for them to display their talents in this field. However, I think every parent should work hard in this direction to make their children healthier and have a more sound personality.
So, how to cultivate children's good character? In my opinion, parents should work hard in the following aspects:
First, create a good family environment and atmosphere.
Let children grow up in a harmonious and caring family, which is very important to cultivate their mood and emotions. When children grow up in this environment, they will naturally feel happy, without too much pressure and unpleasant experiences, and it is easy to develop their lively, cheerful, enthusiastic, straightforward, stable and dignified personality. Children who are full of quarrels or divorced families often have a greater negative impact on their personality.
Second, family education, first of all, to educate parents.
Parents should first set a good example of conduct, as the saying goes, "they are upright and do things without orders;" His body is not straight, although he doesn't obey orders, "if you study well, you will be an official and take the lead." Parents are children's teachers, and parents are role models for children to imitate. Therefore, parents should strive to be modest and prudent, not arrogant and impetuous, respect themselves and others, be strong-willed, optimistic and cheerful. In this way, children will imitate their parents and become a person with good personality. Parents should try to control their temper and maintain emotional stability. Don't be moody and fickle, which will make children feel at a loss and have a bad influence on them.
We often hear many young parents complain about their children's bad temper: willfulness, selfishness, coquetry, nervousness and so on. And often blame or even beat and scold their children. In fact, the child is completely wronged, because the quality of the child's personality is closely related to the parenting attitude of the parents.
Third, choose the educational methods and contents suitable for children.
Now parents have a misunderstanding in educating their children. They often only pay attention to the cultivation of their own abilities, but ignore the cultivation of character and quality. Ability training is very important, but it is more important to cultivate children's good personality, because once personality is formed, it is not easy to change and affect life, and many abilities can be learned. Our parents should never take a laissez-faire attitude towards their children's bad personality with the idea of "straightforward nature", "innate character" and "a leopard cannot change its spots". In that case, the consequences will be unimaginable.
The educational method should be positive education. When children first come to this world, they are the first people to know and experience many problems in this world. Parents should try to eliminate negative interference and let their children be positively affected. They should try to use the language that children can easily accept, be reasonable, be persuasive, and avoid empty preaching and sermons. For example, when parents meet beggars with their children in the street, many parents may have become accustomed to it, but the child's heart is pure. Parents must not say that this is false and do not help them. It is easy for children to lose their basic sympathy, thus creating a cold social mood. Parents should try to give their children the opportunity to give alms and actively guide their children to stand on their own feet.
The content of education should be in this form and targeted. For example, do more parent-child activities, spend time with children, read books, play games, tell stories and participate in activities organized by schools. Parents who know their children are like parents. Parents should change some defects in their children's personality according to their characteristics. For example, for some unsociable, introverted and timid children, we can participate in summer camps, let them walk into children, cultivate their cooperative and gregarious character, and let them develop their ability to solve problems independently in these activities.
Childhood is a period of good personality shaping, and it is very important for children's physical and mental health to grasp this critical period for training.