However, these children are relatively sensitive to emotions and often need adults to respond more gently and carefully.
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Children are too sensible, so parents should pay attention.
There is an understanding that is caused by the child's natural personality. They are like considerate people? Little nurse? You are gentle and kind, and like to help others. If there is a naturally sensible child, can you really find one? Bag? La ~
There is another kind of understanding, right? Deliberately sensible Still too sensible, even beyond his age.
These children who are too sensible have some commonalities, so parents should pay special attention to them.
Seldom ask, don't like to say? No?
These children seldom ask for their favorite toys, beautiful clothes and delicious food. They seldom cry for it. Instead, they will observe adults first? Eyes? .
I seldom say no, my subjective consciousness and desire for self-expression are extremely weak. I completely obey the instructions of adults, rarely put forward rebuttal opinions, and rarely express my true thoughts.
Too modest, especially honest.
When there are many people, or in collective life such as kindergarten, if children are always modest and especially honest and never take the initiative to fight for what they like, parents should pay special attention.
They seem to be sensible and generous, but in fact this is a sign of inferiority. In the long run, they will have cognitive biases and feel that they are not worth it.
? Adapt? Appreciate other people's opinions more.
In fact, there are several rebellious periods in the process of children's growth. For example, when I was 2 or 3 years old, I gradually became self-aware; Enter school life at the age of 7 or 8; 15 and 16 years old enter adolescence, and it is normal for children at these stages to rebel and talk back.
But if children always behave well in these stages, whatever they do, they will deliberately comply with the wishes of adults, even a little? Buttering up? Parents, especially like praise, we need to pay attention.
Because in their hearts, other people's opinions and praises will make them feel safe, but they ignore their real needs.
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Children who are too sensible are distressing.
I have read an issue of Teenager's Tale, and Yang is such a sensible child.
In order not to worry my parents at school, I never take the initiative to call them, and I will do my best in everything; In order not to disappoint their parents, they will hide all their little willfulness and emotions. ......
The way she stubbornly wiped her tears as she spoke was so distressing.
In her letter to her brother, she said: You don't have to be so sensible, just be happy.
Parents always want their children to be relatives and friends? Other people's children? And educate them to be rational in their daily lives.
But sometimes we go too far? Enjoy? A sensible child brought it? Is it convenient? And worry, but forget that they are still children.
Too rational, or a handful? Chains? .
Children who are too sensible are not so happy
Children who are too sensible are particularly sensitive to the needs of others, and will think that only by satisfying the needs of others with their own efforts can they win the love of others and gain an important position in their own hearts. [ 1]
Someone asked on the Zhihu: Are sensible children happy?
The answer I saw was this:
They try to suppress and restrain their inner desires, but rarely have real inner happiness.
Children who are too sensible will not refuse.
They are always investigating the needs of others and can give timely responses. They are afraid that others will be disappointed in them and dare not face up to their real needs. Will you become unwilling to refuse when you grow up? Good people? .
Children who are too sensible tend to form pleasing personalities.
Piaget, a developmental psychologist, pointed out that children before the age of 6 or 7 will have a kind of? Self-centered? Psychological characteristics, they will even associate all the bad things around them with themselves and attribute the mistakes to themselves.
So they will become more and more sensible, hide their happiness and innocence, please others, and slowly lose themselves.
Forcing children to be sensible is a cruel education.
If you are sensible, don't suppress the child's nature, let alone let the child give in and satisfy the face of adults.
Parents should observe their children's emotions in time and help them break the shackles of this personality.
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How to break this? Chains? ?
According to statistics, 85%~95% of children's personalities are formed at the age of 3~6. At this stage, the child's personality is in the primary stage, and it is very plastic, so psychology is also called this stage? Wet cement stage? .
Children at this stage are like wet and uncured cement, and the guidance of parents and the influence of external environment are very important for the development of children's personality. [2]
Therefore, in the face of children who are too sensible, correct guidance can break the shackles and fetters brought by this character. Mom and dad must remember three? Unlock the password? Oh ~
Password 1: Listen, yes.
Even the youngest child needs to be heard, seen and respected.
When children feel depressed and want to stop talking, the first thing parents should do is to stop what they are doing, lower their posture, bend down and give them enough time to guide them to express their emotions.
Teach you a very practical skill: the 80/20 golden rule.
It is to leave 80% of the time for children to talk, and 20% of the time to ask questions that can inspire children to continue talking. At this time, we are the children's audience.
Besides, body language is more important than preaching.
When the child is crying, give him a big hug and a gentle kiss first, which can better calm the child's emotions, narrow the distance between them and help the child express his emotions.
Password 2: Empathy.
Sometimes children cry, and adults will be amused by their performance and even continue to tease them. These are all very undesirable behaviors.
We need to understand and look at the world from the perspective of children. Adults must learn to put themselves in other's shoes in order to better understand children's emotions.
For example, some children's beloved toys are robbed, on the one hand, they will be very lost, on the other hand, they are afraid of being taken away by adults? Selfish? So you will suppress your emotions and act nervous and sad.
In fact, this feeling is no less than the feeling that your famous brand bag is stolen and your car is scratched.
We can say:? The baby's toy was taken away by the children, and the mother was a little sad. How's this? After 5 minutes, we will discuss with our children about coming back. ?
It is especially important to note that you must never use words to slander children.
Password 3: Encourage and praise progress.
Psychologists have found through experiments that children always inadvertently emphasize their behavior according to their parents' evaluation in order to gain their parents' praise and recognition. [3]
Encouragement and praise is an art, and it will also motivate children to make progress.
We should use affirmative sentences to encourage and praise children's specific behaviors, instead of using nothing? Nutrition? It's hard to praise children personally, and it's even harder to expose them at will? Scar? .
Don't use it again? You're great, aren't you? Compliments, the following practical sentences, learn quickly ~
Son, you can actually be less sensible and obedient; Your present age should be unrestrained happiness, dare to take and learn to refuse.
You don't have to please anyone, you are not anyone's hope, you are your own hope.
You are lovely, you have your light. Please feel every day simply, innocently and happily. ......
If only I were my sister.
It really made countless bosses cry instantly.
Ma Le thinks that if they can choose, they also want to be brothers/sisters held by their parents.
Although Liu's original intention is to let her daughter learn to share, because every time she buys snacks, her daughter always puts away her share and eats her brother's.
But the visiting teacher Blue Ocean directly pointed out:
It is not recommended that children learn to share before the age of four, and they should satisfy their children before sharing? .
Because when the child's sense of property rights is not satisfied, it is also a great harm to him to let him share it with others.
This lack of awareness of property rights will only make children feel insecure for a long time.
And those who can't get satisfaction from our parents since childhood are constantly pursuing and demanding to fill that empty heart when they grow up.
Knowing a friend, even if he only has a monthly salary of 5,000 yuan, he will use all kinds of flower credit cards to buy clothes crazily, just because he was too satisfied when he was a child.
She said:
As long as you see a wardrobe full of clothes, you will feel particularly safe and satisfied? .
Therefore, no matter how many children there are at home, I hope that as a parent, I can give my children enough sense of security:
Don't be stingy to give children some material satisfaction, so that children can feel the happiness of being satisfied.
Don't force children to do things they don't like when they are young.
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Moderate teaching.
Is the boss really hostile to his brother/sister? Not really!
Some bosses contacted by Ma Le include their own eldest daughters. Most of them are friendly to the second child, because some people play with them, and even want to leave good things to the second child when they first know the existence of their younger brother/sister.
But these are all based on treating parents equally. Once they find that their love has been divided by half or even more after having younger brothers and sisters, their psychology will begin to change.
At this time, parents' constant preaching will aggravate children's rebellious psychology, thus producing some aggressive behaviors and strong possessiveness.
Just like my sister in After School, why does she like to eat? It was her parents' constant preaching that made her judge.
Mom and dad will give all the good things to their younger brothers.
Therefore, if children want to grow up healthily and happily, parents might as well put down their preaching and those.
You are the boss, be reasonable ...?
Dogma, make more friends with children.
When you really put yourself in their shoes, you will find that they really don't want much:
It's just the relative care and treatment of parents.
Every child is a precious gift from God to his parents. When you enjoy the happiness they bring you, please don't favor one over the other.
Let every child feel the same love and warmth. Even if we can't achieve absolute equality, we should consider the rational boss as much as possible.
I hope that every family with two or more children can be harmonious and happy, husband and wife are integrated, children love each other and be happy forever!