When Mr. Tao Xingzhi was the principal of a primary school, he saw the boy Wang You beating his classmates with mud and immediately stopped him and asked him to go to the principal's office after school. After school, Wang You came to the door of the principal's office to get a lecture, but Tao Xingzhi took out a candy and said, "This is a reward for you, because you came on time." Wang You took the candy in surprise, and then Tao Xingzhi took out another candy and put it in his hand, saying, "This candy is also a reward for you, because when I stopped you from hitting people again, you immediately stopped, which shows that you respect me." Tao Xingzhi took out the third candy from his pocket, put it in Wang You's hand and said, "I have already investigated it. You hit those boys with mud because they bully girls. This shows that you are kind and upright and have the courage to fight against the bad guys! " Wang You was moved to tears and said regretfully, "Tao ... President Tao, you ... hit me twice! I was wrong, I didn't hit the bad guys, but my classmates! " Tao Xingzhi smiled: "If you can correctly understand your mistakes, I will give you another candy. I think our conversation should be over. " Wang You left the principal's office with four sweets in her arms.
Mr. Tao's wisdom and kind love for children moved me. This Wang You classmate is so happy! Many people often make some small mistakes in the eyes of adults when they are young, such as wearing clothes slowly, moving slowly, doing homework badly, talking in class, quarreling with friends and so on. Children all have these commonalities, clumsy and mischievous. In fact, this is the normal process of children's learning and exploration, not the deliberate destruction of children. But at that time, parents and teachers did not understand these truths, and frequently criticized their duties, which destroyed their innate desire for exploration and curiosity. That's a real pity.
After returning to China, I used intensive methods to educate my children. After a period of application and continuous summary and adjustment in the process, the effect is not bad. Let's discuss the definition and application of reinforcement theory.
First, what is reinforcement theory?
To make good use of reinforcement theory, we must first understand what reinforcement theory is.
Reinforcement theory was put forward by American psychologist Skinner. According to Baidu's entry, Skinner believes that people will take certain actions to influence the environment in order to achieve a certain goal. When the consequences of this behavior are beneficial to him, this behavior will be repeated in the future; When it is unfavorable, this behavior will weaken or disappear. According to the nature and purpose of reinforcement, reinforcement can be divided into positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. In management, positive reinforcement is to reward those behaviors that are needed, thus strengthening this behavior; Negative reinforcement refers to reducing the repetition of a certain behavior and enhancing its unpleasant stimulation.
Positive reinforcement is also called "positive reinforcement". A process in which an individual makes a certain behavior or reaction and then obtains a certain reward at the same time, thereby increasing the intensity, probability or speed of the behavior or reaction. In the process of reinforcement, things that have a positive reinforcement effect on individual reactions are called positive reinforcement. This principle is derived from the study of animals. In psychology, the principle of positive reinforcement is often used to encourage people to study and work hard, do things that are meaningful to society, and help patients eliminate bad behaviors and symptoms.
Negative reinforcement is mainly to get rid of people's aversion to stimulation, thus enhancing the incidence of their good behavior. In fact, negative reinforcement is also called a reaction to escape restriction or punishment.
Second, the common reinforcement phenomenon in the family.
Although most people have not studied Skinner's reinforcement theory, in daily life, both parents and teachers are unconsciously reinforcing their children actively and negatively at any time.
For example, at home, children are obedient, do well in exams, do their homework carefully and so on. And parents will praise their children for being really good and awesome, and sometimes there will be material rewards. This is positive reinforcement; On the other hand, if the child does not follow his own requirements, he will tell the child that you are disobedient, disobedient, don't love you, and don't like you; It's not great to fail in the top three, and you won't be rewarded if you want to. If you don't do your homework well and always play games, you will confiscate your mobile phone and disconnect from the internet. This is negative reinforcement.
At school, too, children in kindergartens can be praised by teachers if they eat fast, sleep well, don't make noise and fight with other children. Children who go to school observe discipline in class, listen carefully and actively raise their hands to answer questions. Teachers will praise them. These are common positive reinforcement. If you whisper to each other in class or keep making small moves, you are often late and your homework is not finished seriously, the teacher will criticize you and sometimes punish you, for example, you should stand up for class when you are late and write more if your homework is not up to standard. These are typical negative reinforcement.
Positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement often appear in family education and school education, but not every parent and teacher can use it well, and sometimes it is counterproductive and needs constant research and adjustment.
Third, how to use reinforcement theory to motivate children at home?
Whether it is positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement, proper use can achieve good results, enhance children's self-confidence and enthusiasm, and play a role in motivating children.
1, strengthen children's attitude rather than the result of things.
Positive reinforcement of children is to encourage children to have a good place, so that this good place will be repeated, and it will form a habit after a long time. However, in this process, we should pay attention to strengthening the point and put it on a truly sustainable point. For example, if a child does well in the exam, in addition to praising him for doing well in the exam, he should also emphasize why he did well in the exam and pay more attention to his recent attitude. If you listen attentively in class recently, finish the homework assigned by the teacher carefully and review before the exam, it is not surprising that you have such a serious attitude and get good grades in the exam. If you only emphasize that the score is high, great and good, children will feel that their parents are only satisfied with the score. If they don't get high enough in the next exam, will they not be affirmed by their parents? Because the uncertainty of scores will make children feel insecure, children will feel that they are judged by the level of scores, not themselves.
2. "Bad things" can also be reinforced positively.
Do you want to do good deeds or meet the expectations of adults and be strengthened? Not exactly. Many unsightly things can also be strengthened, and unexpected results can be obtained.
Once, my son was playing football below and accidentally met an old woman. The old woman may have been frightened. She was so angry that she held her son's hand tightly and wanted to take him to the management office for criticism and education. In fact, the ball is very light and won't hit hard. At that time, I received a phone call from my son at home and asked him to apologize to the old man. He refused. Then I went down and dealt with it myself. I arrived at the scene and saw my son crying. I apologized to the old man until his children came.
When I got home, I was very angry and asked my son why he didn't apologize. In fact, it is a small matter, and it is okay to accidentally meet an apology. My son told me that he was going to apologize when he went to get the ball, but as soon as he passed, the old man grabbed his hand, which was too heavy to move. He asked the old man to let go, but he refused. He was very angry at that time and wanted to get rid of it, but he thought that the old man was old and worried that throwing the old man hard would hurt her body, so he always became a ninja.
It turned out that I misunderstood the child and immediately apologized to him to calm his mood. He cried very sadly. Then I affirmed his "attitude" through positive reinforcement:
"Son, have you met your grandmother? Although you are not careful, you know you have to apologize, and you have the heart to apologize, which shows that you are a polite child. "
"When your hand is in pain and you are particularly angry, you can manage your emotions and think about the old man's body without venting. You are really a caring and considerate boy! "
The child is very happy to hear my words. The unhappiness just now was swept away, and he went out to play happily.
3. Strengthen children's efforts and progress.
The most common mistake parents make is to compare their children with other children, especially to compare their children's shortcomings with other children's strengths. Every child has his own advantages and disadvantages, and we can't look at children with a one-sided view.
After the child entered the third grade, the composition could not keep up. On several occasions, the number of words in the exam did not reach the required 300 words, and many points were deducted. I didn't say much, just told him to read more books and keep more diaries, and he would get better gradually. After the results of the last Chinese exam came out, the teacher criticized my son for his worst writing and careless attitude in the group. Ask your son what's going on when he comes back. He told me that I didn't pay attention to writing because I didn't have enough time to write later. I just wanted to finish writing 300 words as soon as possible, and I finally finished. Then say it's a pity that the exam score is not high.
I was very happy after listening to it. I told him that this was a great progress. I didn't finish my composition in the previous two exams, but I finished it this time. As for writing and exam results, that's another matter. Good writing style and scores will not affect your progress from less than 300 words to 300 words. Enough words. Practice writing more at ordinary times, and it will get better and better in the future. My son benefited a lot from this and said that he should practice his handwriting well.
4. The same thing can be strengthened from different angles.
In order to improve my son's writing ability, I asked him to keep a diary every day, no more than 4 or 5 sentences. The purpose is to form a good habit of thinking and recording. It has been more than two months since the beginning, and I have persisted for one day. As long as I wrote it, I am sure of him.
His diary can't say how good it is, but every day I find a bright spot to affirm him:
Sometimes I am sure that his calligraphy is beautiful;
Sometimes I am sure that he is rich in content and creative;
Sometimes something in the diary is certain;
Sometimes I'm sure of his typography;
Sometimes affirm his initiative;
Sometimes I am sure of his persistence.
Of course, I often don't want to write, so I will let him write in various ways. As long as he writes, he will be sure. Constantly strengthen the matter of "keeping a diary" from all aspects to enhance his sense of accomplishment. Now he doesn't need reminding more and more. He usually writes on his own initiative.
5. Avoid negative reinforcement with punishment and let children bear the consequences naturally.
Educational secrets such as "filial son is born under the stick", "Defeating the enemy without fighting" and "Modesty makes people progress and pride makes people lag behind" were very popular in the last generation. Children beat and scold if they don't listen, or frequently attack and criticize, fearing that they are a little proud and unable to make progress. These are common negative reinforcement phenomena.
Children's test scores are not good, they are not obedient, they don't do their homework seriously, they don't analyze with their children, and they simply criticize or abuse. I hope that punishment can make children experience this unpleasant experience and reduce bad behavior. It may be effective in the short term, but it will not give children the motivation to learn, nor will it make them understand their parents and become sensible.
For negative reinforcement, I don't think it is necessary to force an unpleasant stimulus, so that children can naturally bear the consequences and achieve results.
For example, at my son's age, I think it's time to start learning to be independent, starting with washing socks. In order to let him wash his socks, I told him that he had the ability to wash his own socks, instead of giving him this unpleasant stimulus. I decided not to wash his socks and give him this ability back. There is nothing else to say. If he doesn't wash, he can only wear dirty socks or no socks, and he will bear the unpleasant consequences.
At first, he kept putting off washing, and when all the socks were put on, he began to wear dirty socks. Until one day, I couldn't take it anymore. Take the initiative to say to me: "Mom, I don't want to wear dirty socks, I want to wash them." Of course I'm very happy. Then I taught him to wash. It doesn't matter if it's not clean the first time. You'll learn it after a few washes.
"Attitude" and "hard work" rather than the "good result" of one thing are reinforcement for children. It is to treat children as a sustainable person, accept them as they are without judgment, and emphasize their natural and upward nature, that is, to give them back their strength and let them learn and grow by themselves.