What should China's parents learn from the West? Social competition is not only a contest between knowledge and wisdom, but also a contest between will, mental state and being a man.
Due to the different historical traditions and social and cultural backgrounds, there are great differences between Chinese and western family education concepts. From these differences, we can find many ideas and practices worth learning from parents in China.
Western parents generally believe that children are independent individuals from the day they are born, with their own independent will and personality.
Neither parents, teachers nor relatives and friends have the privilege to dominate and restrict his behavior. In most cases, they can't make choices for their children. It is to make children feel that they are their own masters, and even under what circumstances, parents should carefully consider, respect and understand their children's psychology. Most parents in China require their children to be obedient and obedient.
Western parents generally believe that children have the ability of self-reflection and education. Children should work hard, live by themselves, get happiness from their efforts, get all kinds of knowledge and skills from their hands. Let children do what they can, which is respect for children. For example, in the west, there are many cases where a father or mother walks in front and a toddler follows. They think it is very important to cultivate children's independence. China's parents are afraid that their children will bump into each other, so they often hold or pull their children.
Westerners have a relatively weak desire for their children to become famous and start a family. Instead of painstakingly designing their children's future, they pay attention to their free development and strive to cultivate their children into social people who can adapt to various environments and have independent survival ability. Their family education is based on cultivating children's pioneering spirit and becoming an independent person.
Based on this concept, many families in western countries attach great importance to children's self-exercise since childhood. They generally believe that children's growth must rely on their own strength, so it is necessary to cultivate and exercise children's sense of self-reliance and independent living ability from an early age, such as letting them know the value of labor from an early age, letting them repair and assemble motorcycles themselves, and sharing the work of mowing the lawn, painting the house, and simple carpentry repairs at home. In addition, I have to go out to do odd jobs, push the lawn mower in summer, shovel snow in winter and sweep leaves in autumn. The labor such as delivering newspapers that western children have been engaged in since childhood is itself a tempering of the spirit of hardship. In the cold winter, when children of the same age in China are still asleep in the hot bed, western children have already got up and delivered newspapers door to door. This may seem "cruel" to the doting parents in China, and it is this seemingly "cruel" education that has created the independent and self-reliant life skills of western children. In this subtle process, children gradually grow into citizens with independent viability and social responsibility.
Many parents in China are eager for their children's success, so they go beyond the high requirements of their children's actual level, encourage their children to pull out seedlings to encourage them, and hate iron to produce steel, which is pervasive in their families. In the process of children's growth, in addition to paying more attention to life, parents are most concerned about their children's learning. In order to make children behave well in school, parents will not let their children do things other than study in the future. It seems that studying well is everything, but they seldom pay attention to their independent living ability, social adaptability, mental health, moral sentiment and civic awareness, and some even ignore them completely. From birth to adulthood, parents prepare almost everything for their children, such as cooking, washing clothes, cleaning, saving money for their children to go to college, go abroad, get married, raise their children and so on. Although our parents want their children to be talented and happy, such family education can neither make them talented nor happy, because social competition is not only a contest between knowledge and wisdom, but also a contest between will, mental state and being a man.
Western parents pay more attention to the cultivation of children's healthy psychology, so they attach great importance to emotional communication with children and care about their psychological needs. Parents regard happy education as an important educational content. They often discuss problems with their children, and children are willing to discuss things with their parents when they are unhappy. Psychological research shows that healthy psychology is very important for children's success and the shaping of healthy personality.
However, in real life, many parents in our country do the opposite. In daily life, their concern for children is basically focused on their physical needs, and they rarely care about or even ignore their psychological needs, ignoring the cultivation of their healthy psychology and the tempering of their character and will. In this way, to a certain extent, children's psychological endurance is too low to bear the pressure and setbacks in life. Even a trivial matter will make him depressed, decadent, self-destructive, often run away from home, and even suicidal and world-weary. Such incidents are common in the media in recent years, and most of them are the result of the low level of family education, more precisely, the tragedy caused by parents' negligence in cultivating their children's healthy psychology.
Western parents attach importance to educating their children in their daily behaviors and emotions, respecting others in their inner feelings, and cultivating behaviors and habits in their daily lives. However, parents and kindergarten teachers in China are often divorced from the reality of children's psychological development. For example, in kindergarten, they put forward the education of patriotism, revolutionary heroism and great idealism, ignoring basic behavior habits and good interpersonal communication, which are suitable for children's development stage. We have been talking about education step by step, which is not only applicable to intellectual education and knowledge education, but also to moral education in doing things. At present, our children's moral concepts are indifferent and their social development is poor, which is not unrelated to parents' neglect of the most basic "life education" for their children.
Western parents "encourage innovation", while China parents are often "satisfied with cloning". The former encourages children to surpass their predecessors, while the latter teaches children to stop in front of their predecessors. Western parents believe that children have the same independent ability as adults and can create an environment and atmosphere conducive to cultivating children's creativity with a tolerant attitude. They often take a positive attitude towards children's exploration behavior, encourage children to put forward different opinions in life and actively explore problems. Even if parents think that children's behavior has no positive effect, they will not interfere too much, but let children gradually realize their own problems in their own exploration and correct them.
Most parents in China hold a negative attitude towards their children's exploration activities. They often regard children's own "exploration activities" as "nonsense" and stop them. For example, most parents will praise American children for removing the alarm clock at home. If not, many parents will install the alarm clock with their children and even encourage them to take it down and put it back on. However, if children in China remove the alarm clock at home, even if they can put it back, I'm afraid few dare to tell their parents. Under the strict discipline of parents, children often have creative sparks in generate.
From the above comparison, we can easily see that there are significant differences between Chinese and western family education from macro to micro. Western parents' family ethics, family education values, ability training, moral education and creativity stimulation are all worthy of serious study by China parents.
The article is taken from: Golden Rainforest
Talking about what is an ideal family education First of all, there are several reasons why children don't listen to instructions.
The first reason is that children may know that they are doing something wrong, but they don't know what is right. For example, when children rob other people's toys, parents will say, "You can't rob other people's toys." Although parents think it is clear, children may be confused. How can they play without stealing other people's toys? When he doesn't know the right way, he will use his own way, that is, continue to rob.
The second reason is that many times, children can't control their behavior. For example, on the train, the child is moving and the parents want him to be quiet for a while. But children may feel that they just can't sit still. At this time, if the parents force him to be quiet and the child can't do it, he will refuse similar orders.
The third reason may be that he thinks the rules are unfair. For example, when eating, adults can chat and children are not allowed to talk. He will think, why can you talk and I can't? It's not fair. When an adult can't do it himself, but asks for a child, of course he doesn't want to listen to you.
The fourth reason why a child doesn't listen to instructions is that he may want to know where the bottom line of a certain behavior is. For example, grandma lets the children eat sugar, and dad doesn't let them eat it. The child wants to know, which is the rule? Next time you don't let him eat sugar, he won't agree immediately. What is the real limit of this behavior?
This paper analyzes the reasons why children don't listen to instructions, and then we will see which instructions children don't want to accept.
First of all, it is unclear. For example, parents tell their children that you should go to bed early. However, parents and children may have different understandings of going to bed early. Parents feel that they go to bed early at 8: 30, but children feel happy and go to bed early.
The second command that is easily rejected is inquiry. "Finish your meal in the bowl, will you?" When children hear this signal, they will think it is ok not to do it. If you want your children to eat their food, try not to give instructions by asking, just as the kindergarten teacher will ask the children, "What shall we do next?" At this time, almost all children can't say yes.
The third instruction that is easily rejected by children is negative language. I'm afraid it's not safe to take my children out. Parents wish their children wouldn't run so fast. At this time, many parents will say, "Don't run! Can you stop running? " But this time, the child runs faster. Just as I don't want you to think about tigers, you must be full of tigers. This is the effect of negative reinforcement. Adults will be affected, let alone children.
The fourth instruction that is easily rejected by children is that parents say several requirements at the same time. For example, if there are guests at home and parents want their children to behave better, they will say to him, "Be sure to say hello when you see uncles and aunts. Say some words of blessing when eating. When your uncle and aunt leave, you should say goodbye. " Children who have to digest so many instructions at once will feel overwhelmed and will probably give up.
The fifth kind of instruction that is easily rejected by children is that parents keep issuing repeated instructions. For example, parents will call their children many times every time they go out, and he will feel that this instruction does not have to be followed. Only if you talk to him seriously will he do it.
Finally, let's talk about how to give effective guidance to children.
The first is to use positive language. For example, in a supermarket, parents don't want their children to run around, so they just tell him, "Where there are many people, please hold mom's hand" or "You run too fast, and mom is worried, so please walk slowly". The child throws toys around, don't say don't throw toys, say "please put the toys in the box gently", and then show him how to put them.
The second is to make it clear. For example, if parents want their children to go to bed early, they should tell him clearly that we want you to go to bed at 8: 30. If you want your child not to be picky about food, you can't just say "eat well". You should clearly tell your child to "eat more if you like, eat less if you don't like, and try all kinds of dishes"
The third principle is to talk about only one thing at a time. What you said should be easy to remember, not too long. Make sure the children are listening. Sometimes he may be absent-minded. You can let him look you in the eye and tell him what to do.
The fourth principle is to ensure that your instructions are reasonable, that is, what you say is what children can do. For example, it must be unreasonable for you to let a three-year-old buy his own breakfast. But you can ask four or five-year-old children to pack toys with you.
The fifth principle is that the timing of issuing instructions should be appropriate. For example, some children buy everything as soon as they arrive at the supermarket, and cry if they don't buy it. At this time, parents can't go to the supermarket to give instructions, but they should discuss the rules with their children when they don't go to the supermarket. Before going to the supermarket, children are not in that environment, so it is easy to accept the rules. Of course, children may change their minds when they get to the supermarket. At this time, the best thing for parents is to be gentle and firm. How? That is, the attitude must be calm, but the principle must be adhered to. Parents can say to their children, "I know you want this toy very much, but we just made an appointment." We won't buy it this time. I am willing to abide by the agreement with you. "
The sixth principle is that when children are used to disobedience, parents should give warnings as well as instructions. You can say that, for example, if you can't go to bed on time, you have no story to listen to. Then you can remind him once or twice, if the child still doesn't listen, let the consequences happen naturally and cancel his right to listen to the story.
The above points are just some principles and methods of communicating with children. Of course, every child is different. How to make children more obedient depends on reality. Moreover, parents communicate with their children, not to control them, but to help them grow up better.
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What is the ideal education for children? Dream 446, hello!
Your question is very good! Indeed, many parents, teachers and even children themselves have similar questions about family education. Everyone hopes to find the most suitable learning materials and educational methods, cultivate children's study and life habits, let children study actively, grow up healthily and happily, and thus achieve the goal of improving children's comprehensive quality. However, a child is a child after all, just like a small sapling. Without correct guidance and training, it is easy to stagger and become a useful person. Every child will always have some shortcomings in personality and behavior, and occasionally make some small mistakes, which will really have a certain negative impact on his study and life. In fact, there are many ways to educate children. You need to think carefully, choose appropriate methods, teaching materials and suggestions, or choose to watch home-school video programs that suit you, so as to be effective and effective. I believe you can get the answer you want from the following analysis of the recommended website video materials.
Under the influence of many factors, such as the current social environment, examination-oriented education mode, and acceptance of western open education, our children are like living in a big dye vat, and they are easily infected with some bad habits, such as willfulness, rebellion, dishonesty, addiction to the Internet, fighting, weariness of learning, active class, inattention, inattention, etc., especially among middle school students in infancy and adolescence. The purpose of education is to correct children's wrong outlook on life, values and world outlook, as well as all kinds of wrong behaviors caused by these concepts. Although there are many ways to educate children, some people adopt the education method of tiger mother and wolf father, and even say "win at the starting line" A person's life is actually a marathon running process. Even if you win the starting line, how far you can run, how long you can persist, and who laughs last is often counterproductive. Therefore, the so-called tiger mother education, whether successful or not, is not worth worshipping, learning and imitating, or even being widely promoted. If corporal punishment educates children to beat them, the consequences may be quite serious, and they will retaliate against their elderly parents and grandchildren in the future, so violent education is harmful! On the contrary, it is more important to cultivate children's healthy personality and optimistic spirit. If you want to educate your children fundamentally and cultivate their good interests and habits in study and life, I suggest you make them like Disciples Rules as soon as possible! Sages teach filial piety again and again, trust and love the masses, love benevolence and virtue, and learn to be an official and filial piety. Parents should call on them not to delay their parents' orders and not to be lazy. Parents should respect their parents' responsibilities, inherit winter and be gentle in summer ... (reading more books will definitely improve children's sense of responsibility and inspire their wisdom). You see, this is really a "filial son", the best tutor! How well written! It is catchy, easy to read and easy to teach. There are also many video story teaching materials on the Internet, and there are also many versions suitable for children at all stages. As a parent, as long as you are willing to encourage your child to watch with you (this is very important, you like to watch with him, children are naturally curious and easily influenced by others), you will definitely make your child like her. If you can work hard in real life and try your best to implement the teaching inside, why not educate your children well?
At the same time, your problem involves teenagers' ideological and moral, behavioral language, academic performance and other family education issues. Parents and teachers are very concerned and want to solve it. Parents' correct educational guidance plays a decisive role in the process of children's healthy growth education. Therefore, in daily family life, parents and children are sincerely recommended to watch the series of documentaries "Sage Education Changing Fate" (also known as Disciples' Discipline), which is a large-scale public welfare forum of excellent China traditional culture education planned and supervised by Chen Dahui. This is a very favorable free network resource about moral education and family education, which can help children feel the truth of life in a happy and grateful atmosphere, help them improve their healthy growth and learning progress, understand why disasters and accidents happen, and avoid disasters. It can prescribe the right medicine for children's various problems and is a good treatment! There must be the answer you need, and it is also a powerful teaching material for our parents and elders to learn. It is indeed a rare classic tutor program! There are many wonderful cases in this program to discuss various ways to solve children's education. It is really the best one-on-one tutor for us and our children, and it is also a very good family education network resource, and it is completely free, which is of great help to the improvement of children's academic performance. In life, children and even adults are prone to various problems, such as lack of perseverance, greed, rebellion and disobedience, internet addiction, puppy love, strong dependence and inattention. These problems can not be fundamentally corrected by some simple methods or measures to become a filial and obedient child, but we need to carry out comprehensive and systematic family education to treat both the symptoms and the root causes. In this film, many experts, teachers and parents speak in person and report to the public with their unique experiences, enlightening parents that their educational ideas will directly affect their children's family education. Therefore, it is recommended that parents and children watch together. The family education they received from childhood will affect their children's life, and they will certainly get unexpected gains from it!
There is a classic epigram in the film: people can teach well! Good people are taught, and so are bad people! This shows the importance of family education!
However, at present, we are facing various realities: serious lack of social integrity! Various media exaggerate and mislead, and the environment where children grow up is constantly being destroyed and polluted. It is difficult to do a good job in family education! Parents are getting worse. To tell the truth, many parents don't know how to be parents, so they bring their children into this world and put a lot of educational responsibilities on schools and society. However, parents are children's first teachers, and many growth experiences require parents to set an example. They shirk their responsibilities, how can they educate their children well? Really sad! As children, we often can't understand our parents' thoughts and real experiences, just for our own convenience and enjoyment. To tell the truth, it's a bit of a violation! When we are all parents, we can truly realize this feeling, but it is often too late. Alas ... many so-called generation gaps in our lives are caused by the disjointed and inconsistent education received from generation to generation. Nowadays, too many people are eager for quick success and instant benefit, only seeking profits, regardless of other people's feelings. You know, all education should start with roots, just like a tree needs roots to grow trunk, branches and leaves, and flourish. If we abandon the fundamental virtue education, everything else will be just castles in the air. I would like to recommend friends who are destined for you. Whether you have seen it or not, please try your best to take time to watch the excellent program of China Traditional Culture Education Forum: "Sage Education Change Destiny" (which can be searched and played on Baidu video or Youku Tudou). I hope everyone who has seen it can get tangible benefits from it and continue to benefit others. Let's work together to create a harmonious social environment.
I hope my answer is helpful and enlightening to you.
Sincerely bless you!
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