In fact, no matter which mode parents adopt, most of them can only temporarily calm down the quarrel between brothers and sisters, which may happen again before long, often leading to parents' fatigue and weakness; Parents' emotions will be further infected, causing children's anxiety and fear, which will easily lead to the next conflict. "Is there a more effective treatment method?" "is the question that many parents want to know most when facing the sibling dispute. Competition is a process of growth. The quarrel between brothers and sisters is not so much a quarrel as a competition, and the dispute is who parents love more; In fact, the competition between brothers and sisters is part of the growth process. This kind of competition often begins with games. For example, young people listen to their elders and assign things. When they feel unfair, they start quarreling and then reach a mutual compromise, which includes games, socialization and the establishment of values. It is a necessary and important process for any preschool child. Quarrel between brothers and sisters is a common situation in the game. When the child thinks about why he has something I don't have, or my things have been taken away by my brother (sister), etc. He will feel envious or jealous. Therefore, children will complain to their parents. If he is not expected to get a fair response, the child may take action to win what he doesn't have, or take revenge on those who take away his own things and status. This is why brothers and sisters quarrel. But parents should never regard envy or jealousy as bad personal cultivation, because that is normal. Without this feeling, human society would not have made progress today. Jealousy usually begins after birth 1 month. Jealousy is the expectation of what you don't have. For example, a younger brother is envious that he can go to school to make friends and play computer, so even if he can't, he will try to use his brother's computer, which may often damage his things. Jealousy is angry that things that originally belonged to you were taken away by your younger brother, such as clothes and toys, especially the care of your parents, so your younger brother will "repair" your younger brother intentionally or unintentionally. This phenomenon will begin to appear between the ages of 2 and 3, and this feeling will not disappear in your life, but as you get older, you will gradually correct your thoughts and practices, that is, you will grow up. Check! Have you made the following parenting mistakes? Parents often treat their children differently intentionally or unintentionally, which is often the main reason for quarreling between brothers and sisters! Let's check whether you have made the following parenting mistakes. Error 1? Two men robbed things and asked the boss to let them get old. Mistake two? More is to spoil old or lovely children. Mistake three? Comparative psychology, for example, thinks that Lao Yao's homework should be comparable to that of the boss. Error 4? Sexism, taking it for granted that girls do housework and boys don't have to do it. Error 5? I think the boss has the responsibility to take care of his brother. Error 6? Tell Lao Yao to listen to the boss. 4 Skills & 3 Mentality Effectively Reduce Hand-Foot Quarrel The following are from the skill and mentality levels, telling parents how to reduce hand-foot quarrels, as well as the mentality and principles that should be paid attention to when facing children's quarrels. A department? Tips When parents face the hot situation of "being at a loss", take a deep breath first! Hanging the head of violence and solving it in a peaceful and rational way is the correct solution. 1? Don't be afraid to quarrel. Advise parents not to be afraid of children quarreling. Although it will be annoying at the moment, parents should observe and wait as soon as possible, and don't intervene or respond immediately. Let children learn to deal with it by themselves, which will help to build their tolerance, independence and generosity. However, if the conflict expands, even if there is physical violence or critical safety, parents should immediately intervene to stop the violent conflict and tell their children that "violence" is not good, which will not only make everyone unhappy, but also solve the problem. It is suggested that they use other methods to settle the dispute. Parents don't have to listen to their children argue, and they don't have to be judges to judge who is right or wrong, because there is no completely fair way to deal with it in real life. If parents intervene to judge right and wrong, even if parents think it is fair, there will always be one party who thinks you are more inclined to the other. Therefore, instead of telling children that you are doing this for fairness, it is better to say I love you, because usually children will compete to see who can get more love from their parents. 2? Reducing mutual comparison "comparison" is originally a way for parents to motivate their children, and the motivation is basically good, but "comparison" means belittling one side, so try not to compare in front of children. For example, my parents said to my sister, "if your homework can be like my sister's, I don't have to worry." Relativity can make children feel that their homework is poor, their brains are stupid, and their sisters are good. Usually, "comparison" is not necessarily helpful to the improvement of behavior, but may pave the way for more conflicts in the future. 3? Giving warm love, the happier parents get along, the more harmonious the family atmosphere, and the less conflicts between brothers and sisters; On the contrary, children are often aware of the contradiction or different treatment between their parents (Taiwan Province people say that children have ears but no mouth), so they often divert their parents' attention through behaviors, such as sabotage or quarrel, but this will cause more contradictions or scolding. When children feel that they have got enough love and warmth and feel safe and warm inside, they are less jealous of their parents' concern for other brothers and sisters; Therefore, when conflicts often occur between brothers and sisters, parents must be alert to whether they neglect to take care of their children because of their busy work on weekdays. Remember, caring is not to give material and economic satisfaction, but to play games with children, care about what children like, and give appropriate praise and affirmation. 4? The common source of turning conflict into upward power conflict is competition, and sibling quarrels between children are often to compare who can get parents' approval. For example, when a brother feels that his younger brother has occupied his original position and gained his own power and care, most of them will feel jealous and therefore tend to get angry and attack his younger brother. At this time, parents should never think about their future progress without caring about their younger brother's feelings. Even if my brother's reaction is not too intense, I want to know my brother's thoughts moderately. Let the elder brother help the younger brother together, for example, let him help with candy, diapers and so on. , and when he inadvertently help, immediately give him praise; Or when the child grabs the toy, if the elder brother shares the toy properly and helps the younger brother to finish it, he should immediately praise the elder brother's growth and help others; Encourage and praise my brother's other performances, let him give up what he currently has and gain recognition with other performances, so that his brother will not be so obsessed with what he originally had. Part b? In fact, quarrels between brothers and sisters are inevitable, which are mostly normal phenomena and most parents can cope with them. Therefore, parents should not overreact, but pay attention to several principles in their mentality. 1? Reduce unnecessary emotional reactions. Most parents often scold or even punish their children when they see them doing things they don't like, but the children don't know why they are scolded or what to do. Scolding and repairing children in front of everyone will only make him feel that he has no face, but it is easy for children to face problems in an evasive way. For example, when the elder brother and younger brother are playing, the younger brother is accidentally injured, and parents may be anxious to blame the elder brother for accidentally hurting the younger brother, so the elder brother may be indifferent when he sees the younger brother fall; Or take destructive ways to express emotions, such as wetting the bed and avoiding school. Therefore, it is suggested that the child can be kept quiet first, and then taken away to discuss his ideas. It is best to affirm that his motives are good first, and then discuss with him how to proceed, so that the children will get a better education and save face. Be safe. When a child is competitive, he often overreacts to gain the approval of his parents. Therefore, he may do something beyond his ability. For example, he is afraid that his sister will fall and run to hug her, which may actually cause her injury. Therefore, parents should tell their children "what to do" and "how to do it" at ordinary times, so that older children can gain recognition and sense of accomplishment through help. On the one hand, I won't feel guilty for not helping myself. 2? Ask others for help at the right time. When you feel that your emotions are out of control or you are under too much pressure, try to ask your spouse or other relatives and friends to help you deal with it and share the pressure. The so-called "people are not wise when they are in a hurry", after all, it is only once that they don't talk and don't deal with the influence, but if they don't talk properly, they will affect their self-esteem and self-confidence, not just this time. Parents should ask their feelings when dealing with disputes between brothers and sisters. We can observe them first and deal with them afterwards. If you don't know what to do now, don't do it first, and then find a chance to deal with it. 3? Avoid physical or mental punishment. In the process of dealing with misconduct, physical or emotional punishment should not be used, because these two punishments will only increase the child's sense of shame and make him think that violence can solve the problem, which is not necessarily beneficial to the child's growth. Generally speaking, deprivation or isolation is a more appropriate punishment, such as depriving him of short-term action rights (such as sitting and not going out to play). ), but remember not to spend too long, otherwise he will lose the motivation to change. When the conflict between brothers and sisters is too intense to be self-controlled, temporarily isolate them to other places to relieve their emotions appropriately. The implementation time of isolation is about 30 minutes. Isolated places should not be places where they can have fun, otherwise the effect will not be obvious. To sum up, the above is my opinion on the handling of children's quarrels, hoping to help parents; If parents feel that they have made a lot of efforts, but their children are still unable to discipline them, don't be discouraged, because it is not that you are unable to solve the problem, but that the method has not been found yet! You can try to find methods or answers from books, the Internet, or friends and relatives. If you still can't improve after more than 6 months of hard work, it is recommended to seek the help of a child psychologist or an educational unit. Current position: Director of Child Psychology Department of Gong Memorial Hospital, a consortium legal person. Education: Yangming University School of Medicine. Experience: a specialist in children and adolescents in the Republic of China, a psychiatrist in the Republic of China, a doctor in Miaoli Middle School Counseling Center, and a doctor in Changhua Christian Hospital.