P refers to the type of parents:
Refers to the characteristics of parents in communication, such as authority, coercion, education, blame and so on. Anyway, I'm your father, and you have to listen to me.
A is the adult type
Refers to the characteristics of rational equality and respect for listening in the process of communication.
C is a subtype.
Relatively irrational emotionalization, willful coquetry, etc. Like a baby, one minute it's cute, the next minute it's annoying.
To give a simple example is also to express opposition to other people's views. Parents' communicators will show a sense of compulsion and naturalness, and they will say, you must listen to me, otherwise don't stumble to me.
Adult communicators will say, can you tell me why you are doing this? What are your plans? Can we discuss it again?
Well, the child-centered communicator will tell you directly, I didn't, I just didn't.
I think we only used the last two of PAC's three points, so let's talk about the details:
1, P- parents-characteristics love to care about this and that, leaving no private space. In terms of grounding gas, it is like finding a father/mother to be the other half.
2. A-adult-characterized by self-independence, strong privacy, sensibility and general knowledge; As the other half, the quality of responsible marriage is high, but love rat is out (because there is nothing that love rat/love rat can't hide).
3. Type C-children-naive, lively, cheerful and active; But there are also children who are grumpy and uneasy; Being the other half will bring happiness and anger to life; But sometimes ignorance may destroy the broth;
Summarize the above;
Suggestion: Class A dominates Class C and has the advantages of personal privacy, independence, sensibility, common sense, innocence, liveliness and cheerfulness.
Of course, in feelings, it is enough to use one and a half aspects to evaluate. Don't take it too seriously. After all, it is not perfect.
I wish you a good relationship;
Business is booming;
Come on!
How to treat couples' communication under PAC interpersonal rules? Some netizens don't know much about PAC's interpersonal rules. Let me make an overview here. "P" refers to aggressive personality, "A" refers to normal and rational equal personality, and "C" refers to dependent or egoistic personality.
Say "P" first, which is not applicable to both men and women. To paraphrase an old saying, "Where there is oppression, there is resistance!" Even if there is no outbreak for the time being, the longer the backlog, the harder it will be to clean up once it breaks out.
Then we'll look at a. "Reasoning" is the best and most programmed rational communication. But we all know that emotional aspects are sometimes unreasonable …
Finally, let's look at "C". Most girls have this personality, but they don't show it in front of strangers. Girls are dependent. Both physical restraint and emotional sensitivity are "vulnerable groups". Therefore, in the relationship between lovers, it is often through "coquetry" to win the attention of the other half to prove that "he loves me." Even sometimes it is a bit "regardless of occasion", but it is also to win the attention of the other half.
To sum up, it is difficult to apply the formula strictly emotionally. If you have to use it, it is usually "P" and "A", and "P" and "P" (equal communication) can only be used in a few times or when there are important things to discuss.
The subject's question is a bit abstruse, but since I choose to answer it, I still need to know a little about PAC's interpersonal rules.
First of all, PAC means in English letters; Parents, adults and children, three types.
For example, as parents, we are generally authoritative and instructive, so we must listen to my feelings; Adults, on the other hand, show rational equality and respect for listening. Children show emotional, willful coquetry and so on. And there are often cute behaviors that make you love and angry.
Therefore, when this law is applied to the relationship between husband and wife, it can be understood that there are three types of getting along with each other: parents, adults and children.
For example, if your girlfriend wants to go shopping … there will be several answers: (parents, adults and children in turn)
1. You just go shopping every day, but you don't know how to save and waste money. Why not make rational use of time and read and write at home …
2. Do you want to buy anything? When will it be suitable for us to start?
Don't go out … I want to rest at home today. Can you go by yourself? I'm not going out anyway.
Obviously, we often position ourselves as one of the three types in love, which leads to arguments. It is more important to understand each other on the basis of equality, rather than ordering, reprimanding or losing your temper to solve things.
On the other hand, love is love after all, and it is not 100% linked to the law. My partner and I seldom communicate the truth. After all, girls are still emotional, and everyone understands the truth. Why do you have to teach?
First of all, I think everyone has PAC status. PAC literally means that p stands for the role of parents, which is more serious, convincing and commanding. A stands for adults, the world of adults, more rational, considering many aspects and well-founded; C stands for children and stands for innocence and cuteness. Everyone has these three aspects, and it is different when facing different people. I think it is feasible to face three couples at the same time. In the free time when couples are together, I think it is best to use C mode, that is, children mode. It is also the most relaxed and free time for us to talk about interesting things together. When couples make decisions or think about countermeasures, I think it is best to use the role of an adult. At this time, when they are most rational and analytical, they often make the most ideal decision. When one of the husband and wife may want to do something special, at this time, the role of P often plays a key role, using a dignified tone to prevent the other party from doing bad things. Therefore, I think the communication rules of PAC are completely suitable for communication between couples. Just grasp the scale and use the right role in the right scene.
I think it is no problem to treat couples' communication with PAC interpersonal rules, but this application must be timely and flexible.
Couple? Couple is a term that two people are talking about a relationship, from understanding to familiarity to family, and then to the success of marriage.
Relationships that don't aim at marriage are hooligans! This is great. Since couples are anxious to get married, don't be melodramatic. Talk about a true love, don't cry and say that love is heaven and marriage is the grave … Don't pretend, we will find the most suitable one.
In my opinion, in the relationship between lovers, boys can make decisive judgments and choices on some indecisive things with P behavior. Many things are difficult for a girl to choose. She needs the other person to make a decision. If boys blindly ask each other's opinions or discuss how to expand, they will be a little timid. It is emphasized here that P does not represent male chauvinism, but also represents a man's rational and decisive style.
In the relationship between lovers, two people are equal, so we should respect each other's personality. Is the so-called use of an exchange. Just because a couple can't just accept what one party says and does not mean that the other party is willing to be full of love. It can only be said that he has no brains. He just wants to be a slave today and wait to turn over after marriage. Don't be carried away by such connivance. The best love is to respect each other as guests, and the three views are consistent. Two people get along on the basis of equality and respect. It is said that you can be unreasonable when you are angry, and I can show weakness to make you unreasonable. But when it's all over, I'm willing to talk to you and analyze the pros and cons. Of course, I love you very much, and I will open my heart to you and tell you how I feel. Everything died for love.
"C" communication, very sweet. Too sweet is boring. Men need women's support and encouragement. I'll pick the so-called burden. All you have to do is send me a few glasses of water and wipe my sweat on the way, and I will have the strength and confidence to go further. Women also need men's dependence. They like to eat your cooking and listen to your taste ... love is mutual. ...
Finally, I can only say that as long as PAC interpersonal communication rules are used flexibly, the relationship between couples will be more stable, more comfortable and longer …
PAC consists of the initials of parents, adults and children respectively. As a rule of interpersonal communication, that is to say, when people communicate, they generally use three ways of communication: parents, adults and children. You can imagine these three ways of communication, one is high authority, the other is equal and rational communication, and the other is stubborn and naive.
PAC rule is more common in the communication between couples. I have the following humble opinions on how to use PAC interpersonal communication rules to treat couples' communication.
When your partner is blindly lost or frustrated, you can use the parent communication rule, which is more effective. Of course, the paternalism mentioned here is not to let you criticize and educate him authoritatively like parents, but to care for him, comfort him and help him make suggestions and solve practical problems like parents care for their children.
When your partner has to make some important decisions, you can use adult communication rules. At this time, what he needs is rational advice. Since we are partners, there is no difference between who is strong and who is weak. We should discuss how to make this decision in an equal tone and rational thinking, and your common interests will be more. In peer-to-peer communication, it is really a good thing that two people learn from each other and finally make the most suitable decision.
In daily entertainment, I still think that using more children's communication rules will help warm up the feelings between partners and make life more humorous and colorful. Moreover, through some interesting ways of communication between children, it is helpful to stimulate childlike innocence and discover small emotions in each other's bones, which is of great help to deepen mutual understanding. When two people live together, the novelty will gradually dissipate. In the days to come, children's communication rules will often be interspersed in life in order to be happy for a long time.
We often see: a boy said that his girlfriend spoiled regardless of time and place, so she spoiled everywhere and even became unreasonable. There are also girls who complain that their boyfriends just want to be coquettish, but what they didn't expect was preaching, so coquetry turned into splashing. These problems actually belong to the typical communication mode mismatch, which has nothing to do with the classic love problem of whether the other person is good or not. So what are the modes of getting along between the two sexes, and what kind of relationship should this mode be? Psychologist Erpo, your PAC interpersonal framework. The letters PAC refer to parents, adults and children respectively. Parental type refers to the characteristics of people's parents in communication, such as authority, compulsion, education, blame and so on. Anyway, I'm your father, and you have to listen to me. Adult type refers to the characteristics of rational equality and respect for listening in the process of communication. The type of child is relatively irrational and emotional, willful and coquetry, just like a baby. One minute it's cute, the next minute it's annoying. A simple example is also an expression and opposition to other people's views. Parental communicators will show compulsion and reprimand. They will say: you must listen to me, otherwise, don't come to me if you stumble. Adult communicators will say, can you tell me why you are doing this? What are your plans? Can we discuss it again? And the child communicator will tell you directly, I don't want it, I just don't want it! You can judge what kind of communicator you belong to according to your usual speaking style. Analyze the influence of these three communication methods on gender communication. Take the classic example of girls asking boys to go shopping together. When a girl asks for shopping, if a boy doesn't want to go shopping, then his response can be divided into the following three types according to PAC method. He will say: I don't like shopping, I want to go by myself, or you can ask your sister to accompany you, but I won't go anyway! The second kind of parents will say that it's no use shopping all day and buying a bunch of messy things at home. This is a waste of money, do you understand? The third type of adult will say yes: I find that you seem to like shopping recently? I go there several times a week. Will anything good happen? Or do you have anything in particular you want to buy? Under the framework of Pac, girls have three ways to deal with the above three methods. Then we can draw a nine-square grid to show it. However, due to the limited conditions here, we only choose one column for analysis. When boys say that you are wasting money shopping in the way of parents, we choose three ways for girls to respond. In the first way, the girl responds in a childlike way. He would say, oh, I don't care, I just look happy, so I'll buy it at this time. In fact, boys will explode, so there will be the kind of war escalation we started talking about. In the second way, girls also use their parents' responses to point out each other's mistakes. He would say, I will buy something for myself as an investment. How can I say this is a waste? When you spend money on playing games, you are wasting money and time. At this time, boys must not show weakness. In order to prove that their money is spent correctly, both men and women will fall into a strange circle of proving to each other that they should spend money. In the third way, the girl responded and admitted a little. He said, you think what I bought is useless. Why? Can you talk about your views and opinions in detail? This is an open question, which represents an attitude of listening and respecting, not belittling. Or confrontation. So the next step is equivalent to handing over the responsibility of communication to the man. The woman is equivalent to saying, I am willing to talk to you, so can you show some sincerity next? Under normal circumstances, boys are embarrassed to continue their parents' preaching when they come. He usually takes a step back, but it's not completely useless. Then I don't feel like going out today, and so on. This is just our reasoning. However, when girls respond in an adult way, they may still quarrel, but compared with the first two types of responses, their aggression will be weakened. And if boys treat girls' shopping requirements in a more adult way from the beginning, even if someone wants to make some compromises and sacrifices for each other in the end, they will not quarrel over such a trivial matter. To sum up the quarrel between partners, it is often because the other party puts himself in love. Being positioned as a child or a parent, the communication between children and parents is of course unequal, and it is easy to produce friction. Therefore, when you speak, you will unconsciously have the habit of coquetry or command, so you will fall into the dilemma of arguing with each other. And when the two sides began to communicate in an adult way. Or at least one party starts to communicate in an adult way, so it is not so easy to quarrel. Of course, when it comes to this, some people may ask, is it normal for couples to be spoiled? So rational and to the point, there is no emotion at all. Although the communication mode should be confirmed, it is not necessary to confirm the tone. You can express your mature thoughts in a soft tone, not to mention that coquetry in the adult world should no longer be a kind of nature and instinct, but an expression of love on the basis of equal communication. Then this needs to be experienced by everyone.
The letters PAC refer to parents, adults and children respectively.
Sincere communication between lovers is very important. Trust each other and strive to be a new self for each other's future efforts. I believe that the love between lovers will be very good!
Study hard, accompany parents, and let children have their own childhood.