When Mencius was young, his father died young and his mother never remarried. They live next to the cemetery. Mencius learned to bow down and cry like an adult and played a game to deal with funeral.
Meng Mu saw it: "This is not the place where I used to settle my children!" Go to the market with Mencius. When they arrived at the market, Mencius and the children in the neighborhood learned that businessmen were doing business and slaughtering pigs and sheep.
Meng Mu saw it and said, "This is not the place where I used to settle my children!" So they moved again. This time, they moved near the school. At this time of the first day of the summer calendar every month, officials go to the Confucian Temple, bow down and treat each other politely. Mencius saw it and learned to remember it one by one.
Meng Mu said: "This place can be used to place children!" From this story, I understand that raising children is actually the road to inner peace. If you want to feel at ease, you must fight against the environment or yourself. The so-called struggle is the result of managing emotions. Did Meng Mu feel anxious when she saw her child learn to cry? I think there must be. I was celebrating my husband.
In the past, it was guard day to judge a woman's important character. So in the struggle between personal reputation and children's growth, she chose children. With this choice, the relocation will take place.
The process of parenting is the process of observing children, from which we can understand their hobbies.
Meng Mu may feel anxious when he sees his children crying at school, but he won't choose to compete with them. How to learn these things?
Instead, I observed that behind the child's behavior, I was influenced by crying. Measures taken to change children's environment.
Parenting is a process of learning, practice, negation and correction.
When I moved for the second time, I observed that my children learned to kill pigs and sheep, and realized the influence of the external environment on their children, which was a cognitive change.
Orphans and widows, moving is a matter of energy and physical strength. Why isn't it done in one step? Because in practice, I realize that those who come near Zhu Zhechi are all black.
From Meng Mu, I learned that there is no unified parenting method, only constant practice, then denial, and then correction.
Therefore, the process of parenting is a process of observation and self-reflection. My two daughters, with completely different personalities, can't use the same method, so they need to teach students in accordance with their aptitude.
2. Meng Mu godson's second story: buying meat.
When Mencius was a teenager, his neighbor in the east once killed a pig. Mencius asked his mother, "Why do neighbors kill pigs?" Meng Mu said, "I want to give you meat." Meng Mu later regretted it and said, "When I was pregnant with this child, I didn't put the mat right and didn't sit down;" I won't eat the meat if it's not cut properly. This is a kind of prenatal education for him (Mencius). Now he understands that I lied to him. This is teaching him not to keep his word. " So I bought a neighbor's pork for Mencius to eat, proving that she didn't cheat.
For nurturing, Meng Mu is not superior, but also a human being, not a god. Meng Mu will casually say that it is normal for you to eat pork.
But she reflected on her behavior in time. The influence of external environment on children is external cause, and it is words and deeds that affect children's life.
Learned parenting principle: parents who are not perfect, but have a sense of introspection, are not afraid of making mistakes and correct them in time are qualified parents.
If you want children to love learning, you must first love learning. If we want our children not to eat snacks or watch TV, we should do this first.
When we don't do it ourselves, we ask our children, how do they listen to us? When we can't control our emotions, but we want our children to talk well, isn't this a compulsion?
Do as you would be done by.
3. The third story of Meng Mu's godson: The godson was cut off.
Meng Mu has created a learning environment for children, and his words and deeds are consistent. But she knows that fun is a child's nature. Still observing Mencius' behavior.
When Mencius was a teenager, he did not study hard. Once, when he came home from school, his mother was weaving. (seeing him come back) She asked, "How are you studying?" Mencius replied, "The same as in the past."
Meng Mu saw that he didn't care, so he cut the cloth with scissors. Mencius was very afraid. He asked his mother, "Why?"
Meng Mu said, "You neglected your studies, just like I cut this cloth. Virtuous people study to establish a reputation, and ask more questions to increase their knowledge. So you can be safe at ordinary times and avoid disasters when you do things. If you neglect your studies now, you will inevitably do rough work, and disaster is inevitable. "
Mencius was shocked after hearing this. Since then, he studied hard from morning till night, taking Zisi as his teacher, and finally became a world-famous scholar.
Meng Mu has spent so much energy on choosing neighbors, and his words and deeds are consistent. She must be angry that her children still don't study hard after all these efforts.
But instead of scolding the children, she managed her emotions.
Let children see the consequences of not studying hard. Mencius can ask his mother why she did this, which shows that they usually have a good relationship.
4. The fourth story of Meng Mu's godson: Mencius divorced his wife.
After Mencius got married, he didn't like his wife and thought she was too arrogant. One day, it was very hot, and my wife came home from working in the fields. When she entered the room, she took off her clothes and enjoyed the cool. It happened that Mencius suddenly pushed the door in. Mencius was very angry when he saw his wife naked in the room enjoying the cool air. He thought his wife was dissolute and rude, and immediately thought of divorcing her.
When Meng Mu knew this, he said to Mencius, "You should knock at the door first and ask if there is anyone at home before you can go in. You pushed the door in without knocking. This is your rudeness, not your wife's fault.
After listening to his mother's words, Mencius deeply felt that he was too reckless and ashamed that he had not applied what he had learned to his life. Since then, he has completely removed his bad feelings and made up with his wife.
Meng Mu taught Mencius the truth that "everything is courtesy first" with family trivia.
If each of us can reflect on ourselves and what choices we have made, we will ruin our relationship. The contradiction between husband and wife, parent-child confrontation and mother-in-law contradiction will be reduced a lot.
5. The fifth story of Meng Mu's godson: Persuade him to travel far.
In Qi State, Mencius expounded his political views to Qi Xuanwang many times. Although Qi Xuanwang rewarded Mencius with an annual salary, he refused to actively publicize his political views. He really wants to go to Song State, which is willing to adopt his political views, but he is worried that his mother will be taken care of when she is old.
Knowing his son's worries, Meng Mu said to his son, "So, when you are young, you should follow your parents;" When you get married, you must follow your husband; Husband is dead, you should follow your son and be polite. I am an adult now, and I am old! My son's behavior is related to his righteousness, and my behavior is related to my courtesy.
Meng Mu's words swept away Mencius' worries and hesitation. Mencius traveled around the world with his family and was welcomed by all countries. His political ideas were successfully implemented in many vassal countries.
My son can realize his dream, and Meng Mu has fulfilled his mission as a mother. With the joy of success, I can't afford to get sick and die without regret.
On the way back to their hometown, people and officials along the way rushed to pay homage at the roadside to express their respect and grief for this great mother.
Mencius was able to become the "sage" of ZTE Confucianism and the second only to Confucius in China's feudal orthodoxy, in fact, because he had such a mother who accompanied his children to grow up.
When children grow up, parents don't need to work too hard. We must accept the reality, let go of control and let our children live their own lives. This is the meaning of our life in high live.
When the child is sad, we can solve the problem. When children have dreams, we don't drag them back and let them spread their wings and fly.