In 20 13, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released a report called "Children's Mental Health Monitoring", which summarized the federal data and research from 2005 to 20 1 1 year. They found that,
One in five American children and adolescents suffers from mental health problems, and the proportion is increasing.
Mental health is extremely harmful to children, ranging from learning to socialize to the safety of themselves and others!
In the process of children's growth, parents' expectations and concerns for children will gradually increase with their growth. Parents want their children to be the best, enter key primary schools, key middle schools and key universities smoothly, and then take postgraduate entrance examinations and even get a doctorate.
Parents' high expectations have become a heavy burden on children's hearts, turning their happy growth and study into depression, pain and even suicide.
Some people may think that this is impossible, but when you realize that this kind of thing really happened, it may be too late.
In the hit drama Little Joy, she plays the mother of Joe, the daughter of senior three.
In order to let her daughter concentrate on her studies and be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, Song Qian quit her job and took care of her daughter's diet and daily life wholeheartedly. At the same time, she also strictly controls her daughter, forbidding her daughter to play, forbidding her daughter to go to the planetarium again, and forbidding her to do anything "boring" that wastes her study time.
In Song Qian's mind, the daughter should be the first, and the second is failure. Senior three should study hard.
But what happened? Joe started skipping classes and his grades dropped.
Finally, due to excessive mental stress, depression collapsed and committed suicide by jumping into the sea, and was diagnosed as moderate depression.
At this moment, Song Qiancai suddenly realized that children's health, peace and happiness are more important than their grades.
Under high pressure, although they have reached a high level of intelligence, they are also prone to depression, suicide and other problems due to psychological sunshine. "
The "seven tyrants" once put forward such an argument: if you can customize the perfect life for your children with one click, do you want to customize it?
Presumably, many parents will press the "customize" button without hesitation, on the grounds of "for the good of their children".
Professor Li Meijin, a juvenile criminal psychologist, once said: "Although children have reached a high level of intelligence under the pressure of their parents, they are prone to depression and suicide due to psychological sunshine."
Song Qian's daughter, Eiko, is typical and has a very high IQ, but she was depressed and finally tried to commit suicide.
Professor Li Meijin also stressed: "In the process of children's growth, sunshine is more important than intelligence compared with psychological sunshine and intelligence. Therefore, I would rather let my child not go to a famous university than let him live happily. "
Only when children have a good mood and good health, then the steps towards the future will be steady and practical.
Professor Li Meijin once said what she thought of children. She said that parents put too much pressure on their children, which can sometimes promote their learning process, but in their psychology, this is a very unhappy thing. If unhappy emotions accumulate in your heart, it will easily lead to depression and even suicide.
The professor believes that in the process of children's growth, there are not many unhappy things piled up in their hearts, which are more important than children's intelligence and academic performance.
Regarding the children's future, the professor said that it doesn't matter even if they don't get into a famous university. As long as the children are happy, this is more important than anything else.
Of course, this kind of child's happiness does not mean conniving at the child, but learning to relax and let the child study in a happy atmosphere.
A good university and a healthy mind can also have both.
There is no contradiction between letting children enter a good university and mental health. As long as they use the right method, they can have both.
1, correct the attitude of "I'm doing it for you" and show your opinion.
The reason why parents constantly worry about their children is to stand on the starting point of "I am good for you" and constantly impose their wishes on their children.
Psychologically, this is also called "loveless behavior", which refers to the loveless plunder of the closest person in the name of love: I have paid so much for you, you must listen to me, otherwise you are unfilial and a baiwenhang!
So for the sake of children's good, it becomes forcing children to accept their own arrangements.
In this way, the child will certainly be rebellious. The best way is to tell them yourself. For example, if you want your child to study hard, you should pick up the book yourself. You want your children to play less games and watch less TV. You should play less and watch less, take your children outdoors more, and so on. If you want your child to get into a good school, you must first set a learning goal and try to show it to your child.
2. Give your child a chance to try and make mistakes, and don't do everything.
Mistakes are good opportunities for learning. Children need to have room for their own growth and trial and error. At home, parents should let their children participate in housework more and let them learn to take care of themselves.
A child with the ability to take care of himself, no matter where he goes, parents can rest assured.
Ada Choi, a star, has always been recognized by fans as an "educator" among stars. In recent days, her 6-year-old daughter went on a cooking hot search. In her opinion, the child's practical ability is very important.
As Montessori said, we are used to serving children, which is not only a kind of slavery, but also dangerous for them.
3. Let go of the appropriate oppression at the right time in order to give children the best growth.
Chen Ming, the debater of "Seven Pa Shuo", said this in the program:
The civilization of our time can give children the best thing, that is, give Ta a garden, nourish and space. You are free and open, you are flourishing, you stand out from the crowd, you are narcissistic, and I applaud you.
All the love in the world points to reunion, only the love of parents points to parting. Parents who know how to let go can let their children have wings and fly steadily in the air. Freedom and independence are the most precious wealth that parents can leave to their children.
There will be many problems on the road of children's growth, and parents often neglect to guide them, which leads to the defects of children's character, and the external manifestations are: rebellion, talk back, loneliness and violence.
In the face of these, parents may be a little overwhelmed, so try to look at the picture book to guide. Doing both will save a lot of effort.
Knowledgeable parents are not equal to rich parents. For example, buying a picture book for children costs little, but it will let children learn a lot. 3-6 years old is a sensitive period for children to read. Good training during this period will help children form lifelong reading habits!
Beta read a lot of picture books when she was a child. This set of picture books about children's emotional management and character cultivation is very good, with a total of 65,438+00 volumes. Bilingual picture books are also very helpful for parents to inspire their children's English thinking.
Before the age of 3, parents can read it to their children as a bedtime story book. When you are 3-6 years old, you should make a story book to help children manage their emotions and develop a good character.
This book has ten themes and tells different stories from different angles: be the best you can be, be honest and trustworthy, keep your temper, protect yourself, overcome your fears, unite and be friendly, be polite to others, share happiness, be able to do it and form good habits.
10 volume is only 69.9 yuan, and you can also scan the code to listen to it, which is convenient for parents who are tired after a day's work and want to tell stories to their children but are unable to do so.
Parents are always the template for children to learn. To ensure children's mental health, adults should also start from themselves and be active and happy parents! Children who grow up in happy families will be more sunny psychologically!
You can buy it below.