Even though grandparents have been urging the children to go home and cook quickly, the children still stand still, as if they didn't hear them.
However, when the mother came over, she only said "hurry up", and the child immediately ran home, basically without stopping.
Many parents leave messages after seeing this video, which is simply too real.
Why children are obedient in front of their parents, but not so obedient in front of grandparents and even elders, mainly because they have stepped on the pit of "red and white education".
0 1、
Red and white education means that one plays a good policeman and the other plays a bad policeman.
To put it simply, when a child makes a mistake, one plays a strict role in educating the child severely, and the other plays a comforting role in gently persuading the child. This kind of education seems to be able to educate children, but in fact, it has a great disadvantage, that is, it will lead children to "look at people and order food" and show two sides when facing different people.
For example, in the face of strict parents, show the rabbit side, in the face of spoiled grandparents, show the wolf side.
In fact, there is a psychological word that can explain children's behavior, which is called "saint theorem" and "watch law" "
Sagai, a British psychologist, once suggested that a person can't have two watches, otherwise it won't help people to judge time more accurately, but it will create confusion and make watchmakers lose their judgment on time.
Similarly, if you choose two different codes of conduct or values at the same time, that person's behavior will also fall into chaos.
It also applies to family education. For example, in a family education, if there are two ways of education, it is impossible for children to judge which is right and which is wrong. I'm not sure which is wrong and which is right.
Children are more likely to check their behavior according to the adult's code of conduct and make correct or wrong judgments.
Therefore, if a family has two ways of education, it will make a wrong judgment on the children.
Children are smart and know how to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. They often choose the education method that is beneficial to them, but in fact he doesn't understand which education method is correct.
Therefore, when an adult is kind to children and one is strict with children, children prefer the one who is kind to him.
Naturally, children have two sides. When facing parents, he is a white rabbit, and when facing old people, he is a wolf.
As stated in "Positive Discipline":
"Traditional ways of discipline focus on teaching children what not to do, or what to do because others say so. Positive discipline focuses on teaching children what to do and solving problems Children are active participants in the whole process, not passive recipients. "
02、
The way of red and white education Many families will go to the pit, just like the families in Ma Le.
At home, Ma Le and Le Dad are always strict with their children, but Grandma dotes on them, so in daily life, Grandma always spits that Le Wa only bullies her.
In fact, to avoid this kind of educational malpractice, parents can do this:
1, unified education model
In daily life, especially when children make mistakes, we must unify the way of education, and don't coax children while severely criticizing them, so that they can't tell right from wrong.
Don't quarrel in front of children when there are differences.
In the process of educating children, we often encounter disagreement, especially when we take care of children with our parents.
For example, let children be independent. In the eyes of parents, what they can do, such as eating by themselves, wearing clothes and shoes by themselves, and taking care of their own things, are all appropriate.
But in the eyes of elders, especially parents, they think that children are too young to do well at all, and because children are always slow to do things, many elders often do them directly, leaving children with no chance of self-growth.
Therefore, it is often because of these small things that conflicts will break out with the elders. At this time, in the case of disagreement, adults should not quarrel in front of their children, but can negotiate a result behind closed doors and tell them what to do.