The only child in China is a special social group with China characteristics. The one-child education has always been a widespread concern of the society, and it is also the object of long-term research by the education department. Based on the present situation of the family education of the only child in China, this paper analyzes the psychological characteristics of the only child, and then puts forward the corresponding educational countermeasures.
Keywords only child; Psychological characteristics; Educational countermeasures
China has implemented the one-child policy since 1979, and it has been 28 years now. In these 28 years, there have been several generations of only children. Their psychological characteristics and educational problems have always been a research topic in the educational and psychological circles. Their education is not only related to their families and schools, but also to the whole society, which should pay attention to it.
Firstly, it analyzes the current situation and problems of the one-child family education in China.
Influenced by productivity and science and technology, China's urban economy is prosperous, resources are open, and the competition for various professional posts is fierce, and the pace of development is faster than that of the past ten years. Under this trend, because the one-child family has only one "only child", the focus of family education is on this child. In the family, children have become the focus of attention, and parents lack the guidance of advanced educational theory. Although they have made a lot of efforts in raising children, they are actually blind, and their disadvantages appear in the following aspects:
(A) parents' expectations of the only child are too high.
Appropriate expectations will become the driving force for children's growth and development. If others expect too much or too little of themselves, they can't achieve the expected best results. Therefore, we must deal with the relationship between expectations and the physical and mental characteristics of the only child. People always hope to realize their ideals or wishes through their own efforts and struggles. But if the goal is unattainable, out of reach, or too low and easy to achieve, it will not arouse people's excitement to stimulate internal motivation. Pedagogically speaking, when we expect our children to achieve a certain goal, the first goal we set should be "a peach that can be achieved in one jump." Peaches are too high for children to reach, and their self-confidence is dampened. Peaches are too low, effortless, too easy and ineffective. Therefore, the goal we expect our children to achieve should be peaches of appropriate height. However, in the reality of family education, parents of only children expect too much from their children, and the phenomenon of "expecting children to succeed" and "expecting daughters to succeed" has been too common for many years. More than 90% of the only-child parents want their children to go to college for higher education. It is the dream of all parents in China to cultivate their children into outstanding people in everyone's eyes. There is fierce competition everywhere in modern society, and knowledge is the weight to win in the competition. In order to help their only child gain more weight, it is the most concerned thing for many parents of only children in real life. Therefore, investing in education is a necessary expenditure of every family, and now it has become an important expenditure of family expenditure. Even if the ability is not enough, children should enjoy the best education, and the investment in education is increasing, which has become the main burden of every family.
(2) Family education is inappropriate.
People often say: "Family is the first school for children, and parents are the first teachers for children." Parents' manners, behaviors and ways of doing things will play a vital role in the formation of children's psychological quality. Different educational methods also have many influences on children. In the family, there are two kinds of inappropriate education methods for the only child.
1, pampered and laissez-faire. The most typical indulgent and laissez-faire education model exists in families with "6+ 1 syndrome". "6+ 1 syndrome" refers to two families, three generations and six elders are all centered on one child, and everything revolves around the child, and the child becomes a little emperor and little sun in such a family. All parents will try their best to meet their children's demands, even if they are unrealistic. The children live a life of food and clothing. This kind of spoiled and laissez-faire education method has made children form many psychological defects. Part of the reason is the psychological compensation of parents. Parents hope to pin their unfulfilled ideals on their children in order to get psychological comfort and compensation. Try to make children eat well, dress well, live well, receive the best education, find a good job and live a good life in the future. Only in this way can parents feel worthy of their children and fulfill their responsibilities and obligations as parents. As a result, children are over-enjoyed, over-protected, over-indulged, and fall into a vicious circle, which leads to a series of educational problems.
2, autocracy is strict. Many parents adopt autocratic and strict education methods in the academic requirements of their only child. As parents, they have high expectations for their children and strict and unrealistic requirements. Parents can't objectively ask and evaluate their children. On the one hand, it is necessary to cultivate children to subjectively think that they have talent and development in some way. As far as the current education system is concerned, children's own schoolwork burden is already very heavy. Parents have to buy all kinds of counseling materials for their children, invite tutors, limit their leisure time on weekdays, make detailed plans for their children every day, and ask them to complete the prescribed tasks. On the other hand, once some shortcomings of children are discovered, parents will control and suppress them in various ways, instead of guiding them in the right way, which will damage their physical and mental health and cause their psychological problems.
At the same time, parents' comparison psychology is also the source of autocracy. Because parents in China get together, most of the topics they talk about are their children's academic achievements and talents in all aspects. In contrast, some children are not as good as others in all aspects. Parents feel that they have "no face" in front of other parents, so their discipline is strict, and they often reprimand their children but fail to achieve the expected results. Autocratic and strict education methods make children bear the psychological burden prematurely and lose the happiness they should have in childhood. What's more, some children give up on themselves because of their poor academic performance and failure to meet the standards set by their parents. They also lose confidence in life, and their hatred for their parents and family turns to society and hates everything, which is very dangerous for children, families and society.
Second, the psychological characteristics and analysis of the only child in contemporary China.
Compared with non-only children, the main feature of only children is "independence". Due to the special living conditions and upbringing environment of the only child, while analyzing the psychological defects of the only child, we should also admit that compared with the non-only child, the only child itself has unparalleled advantages and excellent quality. Such as: very strong awareness and ability to accept new things, independent thinking, critical spirit, self-image, self-confidence, compassion, strong sense of equality, legal awareness and self-protection, positive leisure attitude, wide range of interests, good academic performance, versatility, wide knowledge, mastery of modern scientific and technological knowledge, good use of the Internet, smooth growth, emphasis on self-development, adventurous, passionate, rights-oriented. However, we should be aware of a series of psychological characteristics during their growth.
1, poor independence and strong dependence. Excessive dependence on parents and family is a common problem of most only children, which is mainly caused by excessive control of parents. Because the only-child family has only one child, parents do everything in life, except learning and not letting their children do anything for fear of accidents. All activities are their concern, care and protection. This kind of protection goes beyond the needs of children. Children always follow their parents. Parents need to solve all problems and do nothing. Even if their parents are ill, the only child doesn't know how to take care of them. Over time, the only child is unwilling to take the initiative to deal with the problem and relies more and more on his parents.
2. Loneliness. The only child has no brothers or sisters at home, often feels lonely, and the time spent with his peers is limited. Nowadays, the only child's peer interaction is mainly classmates and neighbors, and the time spent together is not much, which can not completely make up for the loneliness of the only child. To some extent, this loneliness should be compensated by the care of parents, but it can't be satisfied enough for various reasons. Many only children spend most of their time at home watching TV. Some parents leave their children to the older generation to be taken care of by grandparents. Many children grew up with the elderly in childhood. The strangeness to parents and other reasons have jointly formed the personality characteristics of some children who are introverted and afraid to communicate with others. In this society, the increasingly fierce social competition makes parents busy with their work and business to take care of their children, but they are too willing to educate and accompany their children. Children often have to call their parents to solve their loneliness and fear. In this way, the only child gradually formed a withdrawn personality and lacked good interpersonal skills.
3. cowardice and fragility. Nowadays, most of the only children show obvious cowardice and fragility when they grow up. Growing up in wealth, they are used to enjoying exclusive status and very preferential treatment in the family. Their parents' doting puts them in the ideal world of life, with economic security and arrangements in life. The road they should pursue is paved by their parents. In a comfortable and affluent environment, the only child has no firm will, belief and persistent pursuit, lacks strong independence and autonomy in doing things, can't make a good plan for his future, and often shows weak will, is afraid to go forward when encountering difficulties, or is at a loss in the face of sudden difficulties. Emotionally, she is very fragile, and when she encounters blows and setbacks, she will be devastated or negatively degraded. For example, some only children are criticized by teachers, fail in exams, have conflicts between classmates and are wronged by others, which will make them feel pessimistic and decadent. What's more, they will have the thoughts of dropping out of school and committing suicide, which will also have adverse consequences for society.
4. rebellious and willful. Parents love the only child who grew up in an authoritarian family too much. These parents have high expectations for their children and set strict requirements. Children have to go their own way in their parents' "plans", which makes the only child feel depressed and indignant, thus producing rebellious psychology. Especially in adolescence, rebellious mood is more obvious. Children are impulsive, naive, and gradually dissatisfied with their parents' strict discipline and long-term authoritarian requirements, which has intensified and produced many regrettable consequences. I often hear about killing my mother and father, which shocked the society. In a spoiled family, the only child is more willful, which is a common problem of the only child. Now people's living standards are getting better and better, and the birth and growth of children have become the main expenses of families. In order to make children grow up smoothly and happily, make up for the lack of parents in the past, and meet all the needs of children, whether reasonable or unreasonable, this makes the only child feel that everything he wants is easy, and if it is too easy to get, there is no happiness, so the child becomes more willful. Some children cry and roll because they can't get what they want, so they are helpless.
5, strong self-esteem, it is not easy to accept negative comments from others. The superiority of the only child is manifested in many aspects, and the convenience provided by the growing environment for the only child is not only manifested in material but also in spirit. Parents think that their children are the best and the best. Even if their children do something wrong, parents are unwilling to criticize, protect and love them in every way. Praise children more than criticism, and often wear high hats for children, which often makes children only like praise and praise, and they don't like criticism, so they are vain. Many only children will fly into a rage as long as they hear negative comments from others, so children often can't stand criticism from others, and it is not easy to accept negative comments from others when they grow up.
Thirdly, the educational countermeasures of the only child in China city.
The only-child group will gradually become the main body of our society, and they are the hope of China in the future. Therefore, it is very important to find out the corresponding educational methods and measures on the basis of analyzing their psychological characteristics. The author puts forward the following educational countermeasures for the only child:
1, teach students in accordance with their aptitude and guide them according to the situation.
First of all, parents should understand that not every child is necessarily a genius. To master the principle of moderation, parents must understand the congenital degree of their children, educate them according to their own characteristics, and expand their abilities. Confucius put forward the idea of teaching students in accordance with their aptitude in ancient times, that is, recognizing individual differences and understanding different characteristics. Parents of one-child families should not expect too much from them, make excessive demands and give them too much love just because they are "only children". In ancient times, there was a saying that "spoil children like killing them", and the final result would only be counterproductive. Therefore, in terms of intellectual development, children should develop their abilities according to their hobbies, and should not be forced, restricted or over-educated, so that children can show their talents and talents in a certain aspect, and parents should try their best to cultivate them in that aspect, instead of using social standards to shape a perfect child. If you teach students in accordance with their aptitude according to their preferences, you may get unexpected joy. In different environments, parents should give guidance according to their children's behavior, find problems in time, and make the best use of the situation. If children deserve praise, our parents should actively encourage and appreciate them. However, if the child's behavior is biased, parents should also deal with it in time, give positive guidance and give appropriate education according to the situation.
2. Learn to share and cooperate.
Selfish people don't get along well with others. Therefore, it is necessary to teach children the true meaning of "willing": "willing, only giving up!" Let children learn to share everything with others, whether it is material or spiritual. While sharing with others and paying for others, you will also gain happiness and happiness. Therefore, in the family, parents should guide their children to stand in the position of others and think about how others think and feel. In life, we should educate in time. For example, parents should encourage their children to share their toys, things, food, etc. When their children are visited by their peers. Society has its own laws of development and accepted codes of conduct, and everyone will eventually be forced to run in. Therefore, in order to make the only child better adapt to the society, children should be encouraged to go to the children's society to imitate and learn from each other. Children's learning and behavior habits begin with imitation. In the world of imitation, children gain experience bit by bit, and the best object of imitation is partners. Especially from some excellent partners, you can learn a lot. Parents should rest assured that their children should go to their small partners to exercise, learn to make progress together in the collective team, cultivate a strong spirit of autonomy, cooperation, innovation and cooperation, feel the power of collective unity and cooperation, and reap the happiness of cooperation. The collective spirit will migrate to their future study, work and life as they grow up.
3, moral education, learn to be a man.
Cultivating children's sound personality and good moral quality is better than imparting knowledge to children. Learn to be a man first, and then learn to do things, in order to do things properly and conform to social norms. A person's intelligence can't completely determine a person's life. Good academic performance does not mean that everything is good. Emotional, moral, will, motivation and other non-intellectual factors are the key factors to determine the future success of children. Educate children to be responsible for their words and deeds and be brave enough to take responsibility; Treat people with sincerity, treat them with sincerity; Be strict with yourself, be neither arrogant nor impetuous, be modest and prudent. Always think from the standpoint of others, accept others' opinions and criticisms with an open mind, and actively correct shortcomings; Learn to love others, parents and others. Only those who learn to love can make their lives more harmonious and happy; Only those who learn to love will love the motherland and society; Only in this way can we contribute to the interests of the country and the nation. They can face all kinds of setbacks and hardships in life calmly, so they can face life bravely and have a kind of courage not afraid of difficulties. On the one hand, parents should set an example for their children. At the same time, families should cooperate with school education, social education and the help of others to jointly guide children, shape and improve their personality, form their stable thoughts and sentiments, and be a person with ideals and pursuits.
4. Let go of your education and be independent.
Our education should cultivate children's practical ability and let them experience the happiness of success in practical practice. Everyone develops through the experience of life. The responsibility of parents is not to let children follow closely and rely on themselves, but to untie the shackles and let go of their hands, so that children can exercise themselves freely and gain experience in life. Even if it is difficult, children should learn more. This kind of education can make our only child more independent. However, excessive love will only stifle children's independent demands and give them too many demands and orders. Doing all the tasks that children can accomplish by themselves will only damage their independence and autonomy. Chen Heqin, the father of early childhood education in China, said: "We should teach children to do what they can; Children should be allowed to think whatever they want; If you want children to do something, you should teach them how to study. Encourage children to discover their own world. " Therefore, instead of trying to arrange everything for children, it is better to let go of education and let children discover and exercise by themselves. If children encounter certain problems, our parents can give them some opportunities to think and act, and find ways to deal with them by themselves, then they can cultivate their independence and judgment. Pay attention to cultivating children's ability to solve problems by themselves, and don't rush to tell the answer, let alone grab the place. People with a strong sense of ability can get up quickly when they fall, and always focus on how to deal with things instead of worrying about them. To cultivate independence, parents should start with the cultivation of self-care ability. Self-care is the starting point for a person to stand on his own feet, and children always have to leave their parents to stand on their own feet in society. Therefore, our parents should give their children more opportunities, let them learn to do housework independently, learn the basic skills of life and survival, and consciously ask their children to go out and do what they can.
5, suffering education, exercise the mind.
The ancients said: "You can't know pine and cypress without cold; It is not difficult to know a gentleman. " "Rowing is a good way to swim and running is a good way to ride", which explains a truth. Throughout the history of ancient and modern China and foreign countries, it is not difficult to find that adversity makes talents, and prosperity often makes people mediocre, which is worth pondering by parents and each of us. Today, with the continuous improvement of material life, we should try our best to create a small adversity, let children experience the hardships of adversity and exercise good psychological quality. At this point, we need to learn from the Japanese, who value a person's will to work hard and not be afraid of difficulties. They believe that let children know the hardships of life from an early age, let them experience a little life training, and when they grow up, they will know how to grasp themselves and how to be a person. Our family, school and society should give the only child more opportunities to hone. To cultivate a strong will, the best teachers are all kinds of difficulties and hardships.
In a sense, people who can bear hardships are not afraid of difficulties and challenges, and they are also the most successful. Therefore, it is necessary to create various environments and provide children with opportunities to suffer hardships. In real life, let the children taste some bitterness. Only by learning to bear hardships and stand hard work can we fundamentally eliminate the bad personality characteristics such as femininity and willfulness in children. Consciously set up some obstacles and difficult environment, or create some adversity and problems, so that children can withstand the test of failure and frustration. At the same time, parents should actively support their children to participate in various field training activities, such as juvenile military schools and summer camps. The better the family conditions, the more it is necessary to cultivate children's spirit of hard work and let them know that it is not easy to acquire wealth, which is very necessary for educating the only child.
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